I’m definitely in the mood for Thursday Thirteen this week. Oh. Man. Has it been a looooooong school year or is it just me? I thought we had one of the shortest school years in the nation? Oh, all those Wednesdays and Thursdays off, I guess they mean. They add up.

Yesterday wasn’t the last day of school for my kids (who are now proud to be kindergarten and third grade students-in-waiting), but it sure felt like it. It was field day! Water balloons, dumping buckets of water on each other, the long dash, the frisbee toss… fun.

13. Goodbye, Bruno. I hope over the summer you learn to stop stabbing yourself with scissors. I also kinda hope you try out a different school. One where they have more counselors?

12. Goodbye, school cafeteria, and your chicken fingers, Hip Dipper Chicken Pieces, chicken nuggets and chicken patties. (All chicken, breaded and baked, just in different shapes.) Cluck!

11. Goodbye, Penelope, who snatched a popsicle from Boris yesterday at field day, threw it, then yelled, “Boris! Stop it! He’s throwing things!” and made him cry. Goodbye, Penelope. I hope your dad wins the custody war because he lives on the other side of town.

10. Goodbye, career. See you later. Much.

9. Goodbye, Rose Festival. We’ll see the fruit of your loins come March, when we find out how successfully the sailors’ seeds swam. Goodbye, too, to the crew who ripped up all the tape from the people who were “saving” seats on the sidewalk for the Grand Floral Parade. Thank you! Come back next year. I love bloggers, I totally, completely do. Those tapers, and lawnchair-on-the-sidewalk-leavers? Not bloggers. Bloggers, on the other hand, were able to mobilize quickly for this covert (ha!) action. Thanks, Mercury newspaper and Randy Leonard, for lighting the fire. The whole escapade made me love Rose Festival all over again. And I have not been a Rose Festival fan in a real long time.

8. Goodbye, PTA wenches. I’ll see you at the pool. I’ll have my sunglasses on, and a jug of vodka lemonade.

7. Goodbye, water fountains at school that don’t work, kids who are always lousy, teachers who are tired and need several weeks’ sleep. Call a plumber, get some Rid, and please, take a nap. See you in September!

6. Goodbye, Miranda, who never, ever invites us to her parties but always has to make sure we know she’s having one. “We’re having a party! For end of school. This weekend. We already invited everyone!” You’re not getting an invite over here anytime soon. When your cellphone doesn’t ring, little cutie, it’ll be us that’s not calling. Have fun at your really, really, really fun party!

5. Goodbye, overplanted, abundant school garden that nobody waters, weeds or harvests because SCHOOL IS OUT! I’M NOT WEEDING THAT THING! SCHOOL IS OUT!!! WOOO-HOOOOOO, so Miss Pinchy and Miss Mavis down the street can walk by with their rheumy-eyed poodles, harrumphing about all the waste in today’s world, and how some people like to throw away tax money but certainly not them. Goodbye, bolting lettuce. And goodbye, come August, all you tomatoes. You would have made some nice sauce.

4. Goodbye, rain. Soon it will be nothing but sun.

3. Goodbye, Wacky Nekkid Neighbors, who always leave for the summer. I’m not watering your yard or picking up your mail or bringing in your newspaper. Because you never bring us any treats is why.

2. Goodbye, anyone I’ve forgotten.

1. Goodbye, bad attitude. No, I mean it! Only rainbows, kittens and sunshine from here on out.

Love,

WM