Post-a-vista No. 3: Melissa Lion

Ms. Lion, this is everyone. Everyone, this Ms. Lion. There! It’s done. Now we all know each other. Nice rack, eh? In addition to writing for herself, Ms. Lion writes for Metroblogging Portland, Bookslut, Culinate and, damn. So many other places I can’t keep track. She is what we call “a successful writer.” We had a meet ‘n’ greet together, way back in the day, with our friend Lelo in NoPo!!!! You know how I got ‘em? They’re my neighbors down the street! Get the hell out. It’s true. I bet LeLo might give me an interview, too. People, it just keeps getting better around here.

So, onward and upward, Post-a-vistas!!!!!

“If the system makes you want to “tweak,” then maybe you need tweaking!!! Time will tell!!!” (Our mantra.)

In the meantime, Melissa Lion is sassy and has a great “caboose.” Also, she’s a published author! She knows how to knit!!! And she has a Steve, too, plus a little guy who likes to let the wild rumpus begin. So let’s hear what SHE has to say!!!!!

1. Describe your family: My partner, Steve. Me. Our nearly two-and-a-half-year old son. We laugh a lot. We try to make Archie laugh all the time with tickles and peek a boo and little two-year-old jokes. And Steve and I make each other laugh by saying the most inappropriate things. This ability to tap into the darkest part of a person’s psyche for the sake of humor is one of the most attractive qualities of my darling boyfriend. Oh, and no, we’re not married. We never intend to be and because whenever someone finds out that we’re not married, the next assumption is that our son was unplanned, I’ll save you from wondering — he was actually planned. Do married people get this question? I get it all the time. Talk about inappropriate.

2. Name one thing America is doing right for parents: I think the trend of attachment-based parenting that is spreading across the country is so wonderful. I think the studies and the acceptance of breastfeeding are fabulous. I know, as a mother who did both, that the spread is a slow one, and Moms are still open to ridicule for choosing to wear their children or nurse. I endured my share of “helpful advice” from family members and friends and strangers. Both Grandmas (yes they love my son more than I do, I’m sure) were horrified that I was nursing past three months. I kept it a secret when I was still doing it at twenty months. Archie weaned then, and I was so happy to be finished, to have my body back, but I’m equally glad I nursed for so long. Mainly because I hate exercise and nursing burns calories. And I hate the doctor and Archie has been sick exactly one time. But, Moms, let’s hear it for lingerie shopping!

I also hope that each mother who comes after me has an easier time following her instincts and not carrying her kid in one of those baby bucket detachable car seats. I see people lugging those things around and I just want to take the kid out of it, hand the baby to the parents and go put the car seat back in the car. So much easier and lighter to just carry your kid.

3. Name one thing America is not doing right for parents: I think the lack of child care in this country is an embarrassment. I think the lack of mental health care for all mothers is a travesty. I suffered from postpartum depression and I thank god I had a good doctor who saw the signs and put me on meds. It eased my suffering, but I did not feel true joy again until my son was at least eighteen months old, when I was in therapy and actively meditating, actualizing and being mindful. I think the statistics of postpartum depression are underestimated. If I were to guess, based on my friends, I would say that eighty percent of mothers suffer from some form of postpartum depression. If we’re being real, that’s a health crisis and we need to help women. Women need to help each other. We need to give each other a break and I mean a break beyond encouraging a mom to go get her hair done. Women need to be encouraged to seek help with caring for their children and caring for their own mental health.

I tell all new moms, if you are feeling down, tell your doctor and get help. Take pills, go to a therapist. Something, anything. Get help. I had one mom come back to me and tell me that advice saved her life. She felt depressed, went to the doctor and is on meds. She said she would have missed out on so much of her kid’s life. The other thing I tell moms is: your kid will cry in his sleep. Don’t pick him up. I wish someone had told me this. Instead, every time my son cried, I’d run in and grab him and then I’d cry because he never slept. He was sleeping, hello.

4. What’s one parenting issue that really “riles you up,” makes you ready to work for change?: I hate abstinence-only sex education. I think this crock of crap is harming teens and ultimately leading to less satisfying sex lives in adulthood. I want my son to have a good sex life. I want everyone to have a good sex life. I think that pretending that kids won’t try to put it in a hole is a joke. We’re seeing a rise in STDs like Chlamydia because teens aren’t taught to put on a rubber. They are taught that sex is bad. That sex is reserved for married people. I had a wonderful sex life with my high school boyfriend, but I was very lucky. Extremely lucky to have someone to whom I felt equal. I was also terrified of getting pregnant so we used condoms until I went on the pill. But teens aren’t even taught that condoms prevent pregnancy because, hello, abstinence only. So girls are still convinced that giving yourself a coke-a-cola douche will do the trick. No way. In my ideal world, sex ed would be what the name of the class suggests: education about sex. It would educate teens on preventing pregnancy, STDs, and having a rewarding sex life. It would be about oral sex and anal sex and touching and smelling and tasting. It would be the Montessori method, but with sex. Sadly, I was well into my adulthood before I realized that sex was a full-sensory experience. Why didn’t anyone tell me that in high school?!?

5. Who’s gonna get your vote for President ’08 & why? (Feel free to ignore this one.): I was on the fence. And then I read Hendrik Hertzberg’s Talk of the Town essay in this week’s New Yorker. That’s all I have to say on the matter.

6. Name one thing Post-a-Vistas could do to be a better place?: I think we should all have pictures of our bodacious ta-tas.

7. What’s your fave thing about parenting in Portland?:
I love that there are so many kid-friendly bars. I love that at Laurelwood, you can enjoy a beer while your pride and joy throws trains around. So awesome.

8. Anything else you think we should know about you?: > Everyone should go out and buy my books, Swollen and Upstream. They’re really great reads and both of them have sex scenes.
Swollen: Powell’s Books.
Upstream: Powell’s Books.

Thank you Wacky Mommy for doing this!

(Thank you, Melissa Lion! Now, y’all, go buy her books. I’ve read them both and will concur — great reads. Keep coming back, it works!!!)