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hello and what is up?

December 6th, 2008

Hello, my lovelies, how is your weekend? It is sunny and bright and out of sight over here. Wacky Girl, her best friend, Miss Honey Butt’s Daughter, and my husband and partner for life are all at piano lessons. That sounds like I’m talking about 5 people but really I’m just talking about 3, although they have so much enthusiasm and energy for life that it’s pretty much like dealing with 5 people not just 3. Or as Planet Nomad would say, “This sentence is too long so I’ll start over.”

I’m doing laundry.

Nothing but a cocktail party on the street over here, just sayin’.

We figured out what we’re doing for the holidays! Well, for part of the holidays, anyway. The Xmas part. Miss Honey Butt and family are coming over, along with my mommy, sister, brother-in-law and hopefully no dogs or additional cats. And now, since I seem to be stuck in the ’80s…

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.

Mayor: What do you mean, “biblical”?

Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.

Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!

Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes…

Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!

— “Ghost Busters” (1984)

xxox

wm

for real?

November 19th, 2008

My blog’s top 10 search keywords:

mommy
cake
volcano
chocolate
bitch
the
skinny
wacky
my
to


to? the? my? For real? Because it seems like if you typed those words in you’d come up with a whole lot more than just my blog.

I can’t tell you anything lately, Internets. It saddens me. Because I would like to regale you with tales of this and that and her and my and to and the, but I just can’t. And I think you can probably figure out why.

I have a job now.

My creativity is going in another direction at the moment and being stifled here at Wacky Mommy Headquarters.

STIFLED.

I have to go now.

love,

wm

the way things are going around here

August 18th, 2008

“Hold me and hold me and hold me…”
our daughter, at age 2

“I just made Love Potion #9. It’s pink.”
our son, at age 6

“For truly it is to be noted, that children’s plays are not sports, and should be deemed as their most serious actions.” — Michel de Montaigne, essayist (1533-1592)

You know my blog? This one? What the heck kind of blog is this, anyway? (more…)

quirky and unspectacular

July 5th, 2008

A little meme, to brighten up your holiday weekend. Funsize (and the whole Vixen crew), Happy Fourth!

The rules:

a) Link to the person who tagged me.

b) Mention the rules.

c) Tell six quirky yet boring, unspectacular details about myself.

d) Tag 6 other bloggers by linking to them.

e) Go to each person’s blog and leave a comment that lets them know they’ve been tagged.

OK, I’ll do most of this. Except d). I’m tagging ALL of you.

1) When I was a kid, I used to eat lemonade concentrate, frozen, straight from the can.

2) When I get stressed out I bake. Then I put on a few more pounds and get more stressed, then I bake some more. You can see why this is a problem? My solution: Give the extras away (to the chagrin of my children). This is the number one reason I need a permanent job — so I will have co-workers to bake for. (Some of my favorites are here, here, here and HERE.)

3) On days when I can sleep in, I’m up at 6 (like today). On days when I need to get up early, you cannot drag me out of bed. It’s like my mind is thinking “Snow Day” or something on my “free” days. I try, unsuccessfully, to fight this cycle.

3) I love being alone so I can knit or read a book. I am as much a bookworm now as when I was 9 years old.

4) My moods go with the Oregon weather and always have. We are both a little erratic.

5) I love strawberries and blueberries but raspberries? Not so much. Unless they’re sauced or in a jam.

6) Could I be more boring? I do not think so. Oh, yes. In the summertime, I hang out all of our laundry to dry. Every last bit of it, all summer. This is insane, but the sheets smell yummy.

Have a good weekend, y’all.

wm

Rashida! Rashida!

April 15th, 2008

From Rashida Jones, April 2008, Women’s Health magazine:

Q: So what will men never understand about women?

A: That when we are emotional, anything that stands in our path will be destroyed. It’s like watching a volcano rip lava: Just stay away.

Thursday Thirteen Ed. #112: Let’s Do Something Non-Controversial

September 26th, 2007

13ers and usual suspects,

Recipes! (more…)

Thursday Thirteen, Ed. #109 — Key Words: You Want It, You Got It…

September 5th, 2007

I sometimes wonder why we’re all here. Well, I wonder why you’re here, at any rate. I know why I’m here. I’ve been here since 4:45 a.m. But what brought you here? My insight? Political intrigue? My finely-tuned wit? Apparently it’s all that… and my recipe for refrigerator pickles. And then there’s the Volcano Cake. (Always in the top five.)

Fine then, fine! I can handle it! You’re in it for the recipes. Thirteeners and Usual Suspects, here are 13 recent searches that brought people to Wacky Mommy, Inc.

1) refrigerator pickles (you will be happy with this recipe)

2) wacky mommy (here I yam)

3) chocolate volcano cake (you will be happy with this recipe, too)

4) breastfeeding movie scene (I got nothin’)

5) fuck my neighbor (to this I say, “No, fuck my neighbor. Please, fuck both my neighbors.”)

6) you just never know whats going to happen in vail (that’s what I’m saying! Who would have thought Vail would be so unpredictable?)

7) husbandry book review (was the author searching for this? If he finds it, he won’t like it.)

8) crack smokin kitty pettin (Wacky Mommy is all for it)

9) mommy sex (I’m all for that, too)

10) yo gabba gabba shirts (Rock Star Mommy, can you help?)

11) germaine greer princess diana (Germaine Greer can kiss my ass.)

12) pineapple upside down cake with cake mix (yes! You can thank my granny)

13) dirty sluts (sure)

Other searches: my nekkid wife; the tillamook fairies (???); crabs public lice french (forget those private lice — we’re all about public domain over here); oh ya mommy (finally, someone who isn’t telling me “no,” just say “yeah…”); my sexy neighbor (no, my sexy neighbor); girls with see through shirts in the rain (guilty as charged); witchi-tai-to (yay, Jim Pepper!); sexy mommy (thank you); lactation nazi (not here); drunk mommy (sure)…

and…

Wait! We have more! offit vaccinated review (somehow, I think they’re not going to be excited about this review, either); p diddys macaroni and cheese recipe (heh heh heh); neighbors naked (it never fails. Get creative ya’ll, would you?).

See you next time!

WM

Search Keyphrases (Top Ten)

July 21st, 2007

(all out of order)

quotes recall wacky wacky wacky other cake mommy mommy mommy nasty volcano sex sex chocolate trains volcano dirty cake holidays thomas neighbors sluts phrases

Here, Kitty, Kitty…

April 30th, 2007

Dear Internet,

You still there? Even with everything I’ve put you through the last few weeks? Whew. Close one, huh? Were you worried for my sanity? Don’t be, please. Although, Jesus God, it was a little hit or miss, eh? Luckily there was just enough cocoa left to bake a Volcano Cake tonight. How about a kitty picture? (Wacky Cat 2, ten years ago; photo by my sister.)

junior.jpg

“Some people crack, you bake,” my husband just told me. Yeah, I crack eggs. That’s better than cracking up. I was putting the cake in the oven and reorganizing the kitchen. Life gets worse, then it gets better, then you do the whole thing all over again.

In Italian, “Peggio di cosi, si muore.” (Literally: “It can be worse than this — worse than this, you die.” Or something like that.) Or you could have a Neighbor from Hell like this one.

Here’s my other favorite — Wacky Cat 1 is grooming him. He got filthy at the pound. (Pic by my sis? Or my husband? Who knows.)

juniorbath.jpg

The rhodies are blooming, the honeysuckle has already inhaled the back fence — it is covered and nowhere to be seen. My hostilities? Gone. I turned over all six of our garden plots this week — so far we’ve planted potatoes, two rows of corn, yellow zucchini, two kinds of peppers and a tomato. We’ll plant bush beans later, more tomatoes, and I don’t know what else. Basil. We harvested what was left of the winter kale and my husband braised it for dinner last night with olive oil, garlic, onion and a dash of lime juice.

Kids? Still home. Homeschooling? Still going well. We’ve been having fun with this site (Wacky Girl: “Are you serious? These words are too hard!”), and this one and this one. We started out here. There are all kinds of preschool sites out there, with coloring sheets and fact sheets and all that. Wacky Boy has mostly been working through his sister’s old workbooks, doing word puzzles and matching games. For fun he loves the Yuckiest Site on the Internet and I Spy Fantasy. And Sesame Street. We’ll probably go to the science museum this week, possibly the World Forestry Center, or back to the zoo.

Honestly, who has time for school? I’m being flip — they miss their friends. I miss my quiet time. But why get them all, uh, de-loused, to be blunt, and then send them back to get lousy again? There is no point to that. And I don’t miss the scene there, the drama, the runny noses, the drinking fountains that don’t work, the vomiting, the volunteering.

(Note that in my mind “volunteering” is right there alongside “vomiting.” What the hell went wrong, formerly altruistic self? Where did you go?)

I don’t miss the crazy cafeteria and the special needs kids who need individual aides but will never have them. My kids are doing well in spite of the public school system, not because of it. I cannot say the same for a lot of the kids. They need help they are not getting and that both pisses me off and makes me feel helpless.

Principal and district are negotiating terms of getting a Lice Swat Team involved in the whole brouhaha. Because the school secretary, poking at the occasional kid’s head with a popsicle stick, with a look of visible disdain on her face? It is not cutting it. Wacky Cat 2 says:

woogie-for-blog.JPG

love,

WM

Thursday Thirteen Ed. #84: Thirteen Things I Did as a Kid

March 14th, 2007

(Edited to say — whoops! I forgot to link!)

13. I could whistle like our neighbors’ guinea pigs. I trained the little rodents to run to me.

12. 1 loved to eat frozen lemonade concentrate straight out of the can.

11. I devoured Pixie Stix.

(more…)

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