misc.: notes on a bad day
“Don’t surrender your loneliness / So quickly. / Let it cut more deeply. / Let it ferment and season you / As few human / Or even divine ingredients can.”
— Hafez, poet (1315-1390)
* can’t talk about some things because. you know. let’s not get dooced.
* can’t write about other things because. you know. i have a 7-year-old, a 10-year-old and a husband who like their privacy. and would appreciate it if i told their side of things, sometimes.
* i can’t. they can just take comfort in knowing that i try, every day, to NOT talk about them — with co-workers, with friends, with family, with Internets. Years of therapy? I’m paying for my own, can’t afford anyone else’s.
* met with my surgeon/doc today for “pre-op” appointment. For those of you not “in the know,” that means “pre-operation” appointment that you go to before they slice into you, where you discuss pain meds; the need to avoid tylenol and aspirin for two weeks beforehand; how you “probably” won’t have to stay the night; how much better you’ll feel, after; how you’re not supposed to eat anything 12 hours prior to surgery. (This means I’m supposed to stay up til 2 a.m. — doc’s words — to have “a little something,” since the surgery isn’t skedded til 2 in the afternoon.)
* i can barely stay awake past 7:30 p.m. This should be interesting.
* also, if you’re me at least, and i know i am, you will discuss how “great” it is that your blood pressure is only 90/60. Haha! I work out! I take beta-blockers! I am a calm, stress-less person! Pop quiz: which of those statements is “fact”? Give up…????
* Two are fact; one is fiction.
* Now can you get it?
* I am probably one of the most tense, stressed-out people you could ever meet. True. That. True, that. True, that, to infinity and beyond. I am not proud of this, i am ashamed of it. I do not wear it on my sleeve like a badge of courage. It’s the reason why I try to eat right, get some kind of exercise every day, write in my journal, have a job i love, spend time with my family and friends who are all really nice, cool people. I don’t have an addiction to deal with, domestic abuse, a terminal illness. I have lost too many people, but honestly, haven’t we all? We all have had our losses.
* So when the medical assistant took my blood pressure, which i was convinced was going to be SKYROCKETING because i had HORRIBLE DAY — well. SKYROCKETING for me would mean 120/80 or something. Maybe 125/85 if I was just furious or something. I have this super-low blood pressure. Which is why i’m dizzy all the time. Also I take a beta-blocker, because I have funky heart condition. Because the thyroid issues and the girly issues weren’t enough, I suppose.
* Imagine my surprise when it was 88/58. The M.A. was a little worried. Said that would explain why I feel faint sometimes. “This, right here? This is the most pissed-off you are ever going to see me!” i told her. “OK, tell me about your day, then we’ll take it again.” hahahaha. I like that girl, she’s funny.
* “And THEN, and THEN, and SURGERY, and etc….” That’s how we got my BP up to 90/60, folks. It is good to have low blood pressure. It is not good to be close to passing out. i remember after giving birth to my baby girl, my BP went TUMBLING DOWN THE STAIRCASE and hit AN ALL-TIME LOW of 70 or 75 or something, over 47.
* Over 47, peeps. The monitor was all BEEPBEEPBEEPSHESDEADCOMEGETHEROUTOFHEREBEEPBEEPWENEEDTHEROOM
FORSOMEONEELSEGETAGURNEY and Steve kept flashing my pregnancy journal at them, w/ all the doc visit info, and the various BPs from throughout the months (we brought it because it was where we were scribbling, when we were timing contractions, i think? who knows.) And poor Steve kept gesturing, Here, here, and here, LOOK! SHE JUST HAS REALLY LOW BLOOD PRESSURE, SHE’S NOT DYING.
* Did I have a point with this post? the bullets? the ranting?
* Yes.
* Doc says tylenol = bad, bad, bad; morphine = good, good, good. Well. That has always been my motto, so I’m glad the Medical Community is finally catching up. Seriously — the “talk-talk” going around now is that we all, right here, right now, have ENOUGH TYLENOL IN OUR SYSTEMS TO LAST US A LIFETIME. Can i make that any CAPPIER for you? All kinds of people (who shouldn’t be, who are otherwise healthy) are showing up with liver disease and failure, cuz of TOO MUCH TYLENOL.
* interesting.
* But it’s okay, while i’m healing up, if i need morphine. only my BP will probably drop even lower, which could be, y’know. Problematic.
* think they’d let me bring one of those handy little machines home with me, just in case?
love,
wm
ps i always feel the need to give this disclaimer: i am no medical professional, go find yourself one if you need one.
pss — “Now, I’m not a pharmacist…” — comedian Kathy Griffin
ppss just remember: tylenol = bad; morphine = good
, 
.
Oh dear. Hugs?
November 9th, 2009 | #
LOL! I’m cracking up here, though I should probably be saying “My friend! I am so sorry! Is there anything I can do?” Can I crack up while being concerned?
Witchypoo has a great blog where you can rant anonymously, if you like, about children, spouses, weirdos etc. if that would help. I keep meaning to. So you, too, are more stressed that your blog suggests? Gee! Sean says “How come you don’t mention the flooded kitchen?” and I’m like “My blog is for nice cuddly friendly happy things.” Unless I’m in the mood for making it hilarious.
I, too, have really low blood pressure, as did my grandmother. She lived to the ripe olde age of 94, so I don’t worry about it. When mine goes up to “average” my doctor says “Hmmmm…”
Wacky Mommy, I hope your surgery goes well. You are one of my favourite people, and I love to read anything you have to say even if the list of things you can’t say gets longer by the minute! Sending you big healing hugs…
November 10th, 2009 | #
*ha ha ha ha ha! Love your bullets. ;)
*too much tylenol? seriously??? i know it’s dangerous to take too much, but i didn’t know it accumulated! scary!!!
*two words for you: milk thistle. seriously. it stimulates the liver to repair itself from too much chemotherapy/alcohol/tylenol. so there’s hope.
*I’m all on board with the morphine… you’re just preaching to the choir! yay for morphine! okay, actually I prefer vicodin, but it’s close. :D
*WaMu
November 10th, 2009 | #
Oh! I have low blood pressure too. Not as scary low as yours but my doctor always sighs and tells me “you have the blood pressure of a teenager.”
I actually had my liver thrown out of whack ten years ago by a big bunch of tylenol and a handful of (then prescription) prilosec. Scary shit.
Don’t let them send you home from the hospital until you feel ready to go home.
Hang in there – Tuesdays are always a little better than Mondays, right?
November 10th, 2009 | #
What about medical marijuana?
November 10th, 2009 | #
Lelo, yes. And perhaps a jar of homemade jam. And a lick on the nose from Winky-Winky-Woo.
Nan, dontcha love it when medical professionals look worried and/or say, hmmm… ?
WaMu, i’ll call my witch doctor about some alternatives, he’s always good at that.
TOL, see??? It IS true! i knew it. Yeah, once the monitor starts beeping they’ll probably want to keep me a couple days.
edj, why would i poke smot when i could do morphine?
November 10th, 2009 | #
Love your writing. Sorry that you had a ‘less than wonderful’ day, but glad you could use it for writing/comedy fodder.
Hugs to you.
XOXO
November 10th, 2009 | #
Am a new and forever fan of morphine myself.
I have passed out once because of my low blood pressure. Doc says it will help you live a long, long time. Unless you pass out and hit your head and die. So always stand up slowly.
I gave this low blood pressure thing to Nanny too. When she was delivering Butterball the monitor went off. We didn’t have book to flash at them so we just had to yell a lot that she wasn’t dying.
I bet I can count the number of times I have ever taken Tylenol on one hand. I just never take pills. Don’t know why. Just never occurs to me. Which in the case of Tylenol I guess is good. In the case of the diabetic meds I should take everyday, probably not so good.
But if you did get dooced, you could join our unemployed club. We are getting hoodies made and everything.
November 10th, 2009 | #
Mine was low, then baby. Now it’s high.
edj made milk shoot out my nose.
I don’t take much Tylenol. Nor do I give baby much of it. Lucky me, I guess.
We’d like to see you soon.
November 10th, 2009 | #
A blast from the past here…still have Wacky Mommy on my reader. Bluesy Monday post, hope today was better for you. I just had a female procedure last month, uterine ablation. All good, drugs are helpful and anesthesia is wonderful. Recovery was great, I only needed two heavy duty painkillers afterwards. Maybe if you are lucky they can hook you up to an automatic blood pressure device and you can make it do funky things. Hold your breath, breathe fast…you will figure it out. When is the surgery? next week?
November 11th, 2009 | #