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Gallivanting Monkey Talks to God

September 29th, 2007

I interview myself sometimes. If I’m feeling like a dirty slut. Tina interviews God.

New Post at Grasshopper

September 29th, 2007

New! Improved! Saturday Post now up at GNM. (My posts usually run on Saturdays over there, by the by.)

Happy weekend, everyone. October first on Monday!



On Being Outed, or Please Let Me Bore You With More Politics, the Rolling Stones and the Statue of Liberty, all in one package

September 28th, 2007

I started my blog two and a half years ago, on Valentine’s Day. Because I’m sweet like candy. Here’s my first post. I shared my daughter’s song (“…ask yourself/why is my mommy/so wacky/why is my mommy so wacky?”)and my parenting mantra (“All the credit, none of the guilt” – I suggest you adopt this one right away, it’s a winner.) I also promised to keep it anonymous. To protect the guilty and the innocent. (more…)

Thursday Thirteen Ed. #112: Let’s Do Something Non-Controversial

September 26th, 2007

13ers and usual suspects,

Recipes! (more…)

Take the Skinheads Bowling, Take Them Bowling

September 25th, 2007

Hmm. Why would they choose Portland, of all places? From an e-mail I just received (check bottom of post for community events taking place in response to the gathering):

Portland, Oregon – The Hammerskin Nation, a neo-Nazi skinhead organization, aims to attract hundreds of hardcore racists to the group’s twentieth-anniversary celebration, to be held October 5 – 7 of this year in the greater Portland area. The Hammerskins, then known as the Confederate Hammerskins, began life in 1997 as a Dallas, TX gang specializing in violence against Jewish people and people of color, sexual minorities, as well as activists. The Hammerskin Nation-a masthead for Hammerskin racist skinhead crews-has since gone national, and later international, with their bigoted agenda. (more…)

life is just a cocktail party on the street

September 24th, 2007

“Do I look like a motherfucking role model?”
— “Gangsta Gangsta,” NWA

It has been brought to my attention that my husband and I are now pillars of the community. The press has been calling. Sometimes several times a day. One of us may have given testimony at a school board meeting while the other was home tending to a sick kid and his overly-rambunctious sister.

And it has been further brought to my attention that I offended someone (eh, probably more than one person, but just one bothered to e-mail) last week with this post. My usage of the word “fuck” and “the reference to watermelons,” specifically.

Watermelon seems like an innocent enough word but really, it is not. I am aware of this and thought I made my point rather succinctly. I was merely describing the first time I figured out that white people think they are “bonding” with African-Americans when they talk loudly and state, “I, too, adore watermelon, much like your people do!”

This is not cool. You do not want to get that started.

“It ain’t that kind of party.”
Leon Dudley, former principal of Jefferson High School, North Portland, Ore.

So. You were offended. I don’t know what to tell you. “Stop reading this blog” comes to mind, but that seems so… final, to send a reader away like that. I like readers! They pay the bills! Oh, wait, no they don’t, the advertisers do. Go click on my Google ads, readers. Anyway, words are tricky. Ask Cynthia Harris about that one.

Nonetheless, I would like to stand by my reference to watermelon. And I’d like to stand by quoting the girl from my grade school who told one of the other students: Boy, you are fucking with my nerves. I cannot rewrite my own history, people, as much as I would like to sometimes. I did play mumblety peg and pitch pennies in grade school. I was excellent at both sports and won a fair amount of money.

I did begin drinking at age 10 and smoking cigarettes at age 11. And after hearing the girl say that to the guy — and he listened to her — this, too, was new in my world — a guy listening to a girl… wow. Well, at that point yes, I did learn that “sometimes black girls can be mean, but they totally fucking rock. Fuck yeah.” (To quote myself.) (Because, why not?)

I suggest that you crib from this list and substitute the following words whenever I start cussing and you get nervous:

1) Oh my heck! for Oh my GAWD!

2) Owie! for Goddammit shit motherfucker (my daughter: “Mom, you teach Sunday school now. You hafta stop cussing like that!” Me, crossing my fingers behind my back: “I’ll try.”)

3) Cheese and rice for Jesus Christ

4) Jeebus for Jesus

5) Well, you can just forget about that, buster! for screw that


6) Dagnabit! for Why don’t you stick it in my eye and then I’ll be able to see that you’re fucking me? (No, I did not make that up, I swear to you — that’s how the moms talk in my neighborhood. Could I possibly invent that expression? No, I am not that creative. Dagnabit, I wish I was.)

Poor Little Wacky Boy

September 24th, 2007

My kid has been throwing up all morning, pobrecito.

I’ll write tomorrow. Off to do laundry.



Edited to say:
2:30 p.m.: asking for popsicles
3:30 p.m.: asking for snacks
4 p.m.: telling his father and me, “I’ll eat anything I can get my hands on.”
10 p.m.: I think he’s all better. Knock wood.

New Post at Grasshopper

September 22nd, 2007

You will find a new post by moi here.

Happy weekend!



A Funny Story, Because I Need It — oh, and google, come over here — Cesar Chavez Boulevard proposed name change, Interstate Avenue, Arbor Lodge Neighborhood Association, Overlook Neighborhood Association

September 21st, 2007

It’s been a hideous, gnarly week and I am pleased it’s over. Especially since the Portland Winter Hawks lost their season opener to the Vancouver Giants (of course we were sitting next to a bunch of Vancouver fans. They drove a long way — all the way from Canada, see? Not Vancouver, Wash., which is right across the Columbia River. At least someone went home happy).

We went with our friends — I think they had fun. (more…)

Jena 6 Vigil in Portland, Ore.

September 20th, 2007

FYI if you are in Portland — just received this press release. It’s late notice, I know, but if you’d like to help in any other ways, there is a website address and phone number below.

Peace, always.



As thousands of men and women descend on Jena, Louisiana on Thursday to press for justice on behalf of six high school boys, we can make a difference here in Portland. The Prospective Gents Club, a local youth program, is challenging you to not only talk about it, they want you to BE about it and join them for Portland’s

Thursday, September 20, 2007 at 7 – 8:30 p.m.
Bethel African Methodist Episcopal Church – 5828 NE 8th Avenue

Please wear all black and bring a candle (or tiki torch). Donations will be accepted for the Defense Fund.


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