Yes, we have pinkeye again. The pets are not to blame for this one. Don’t read further if you’re eating…

But they were to blame for the puke all over the living room yesterday. The kids yelled to me, “There’s cat puke on the couch.” “Yeah, the couch!” (Both excited. It’s not their puke! And it’s gross! And the cats are in trouble, not them!) Followed by “No, it’s on the loveseat…” “Not the couch! The loveseat!”

Alrighty then, that’s better! Ha. I joke. Because I so so so tired of wiping up cat throw up, no matter where it lands. (In my husband’s shoe, on the back steps, on the upstairs steps, on the living room rug — and that’s just the last month.) We’ve tried different foods, we’ve stopped feeding them wheatgrass, it isn’t as if they’re eating rawhide bones or from the compost bin. (Frequent causes of pukage with the dog.) They refuse to ingest the hairball medicine. And it’s not hairballs, it’s catfood they’re urping. Binging and purging.

After these three pets go to the Daisy Hill Puppy and Kitty Farm in the sky NO MORE PETS EVER. No rats, chickens, hamsters, mice, fish, dogs, cats, guinea pigs, rabbits, gerbils, ferrets, snakes, no more no more. You read it here first. ANIMALS ARE GROSS. AS GROSS AS HUMANS, MAYBE WORSE.

Also, pinkeye has reappeared, even though we gave Wacky Boy the eyedrops religiously for the prescribed course. Have you ever tried putting eyedrops in a 2-year-old’s big, trusting eyes? It’s not as much fun as you might think. Although I must admit I enjoyed tricking him… “There goes a hot air balloon!” (plink, plink, followed by screaming and thrashing from the young’un. “You didn’t see it? It was huge!”

His sister, flatly, “There was no hot air balloon.”

Whatever, I’m putting on some kind of dog-and-pony show at least two or three times a day here. What’s the point, if I can’t have fun sometimes? And it’s better than me giving him the Serious Medical Talk. “We must use these drops, honey. The doctor says! Now here, let me, hold on, STOP KICKING ME! Now, just wait…” etc.

I’m thinking of going back to work full-time, just to get a break. It could happen…