Little situation with School Idiot? All cleared up. Until your urchins reach school-age, you don’t know just how much of a role your kid’s principal is going to play in your life. Sorry no details or I’ll start throwing things again. Or throwing up.

Flu? Wacky Girl and I are good; Wacky Boy is not quite up to speed. Wacky Daddy? Skiing. On company time. Oh, to be gainfully employed. They all get drunk on the bus, on the way there and back. Bastards. “I won’t hotdog it,” he promised me last night. “I don’t hotdog it anymore! I’ve got to stay uninjured for hockey.”

Oh, OK then. I feel all better.

And now, the Friday Advice Column for Wacky Mothers & Others:

Dear Wacky Mommy:
After you whack your hair off and get hit on (by a girl) and you’re way past the age of thirty… It’s just enough to get the right color socks on lately. What is my question? How do you deal with it? No, it’s not somebody I work with or see all the time. Is it OK to go for it? OK, is it wrong to enjoy that kind of attention?

Signed,

Married and Straight Girl, By the Way

Dear BTW,

That must be some haircut! You have asked several questions here. I will answer one. No, two. Of course it’s OK to enjoy attention! Jesus, woman, you’re married, not dead. WM is an attention whore. One of my Wacky Mommy friends told me awhile back, “You have the best hair. I want to, like, have sex with your hair.” See how important hair is? I said, and I’m quoting here, “Thanks.”

Attention is a beautiful thing.

Affairs, however — messy. If you’re in a bad state — domestic violence, drunk out-of-work husband, or if he’s having an affair? Grab that lifeline, girl, and get the hell out of there. Maybe you’re meant to attend a new church, if you know what I mean. Divorce is not always such a bad thing. Honestly, when I hear someone’s on their fourth or fifth marriage, all I can think about is the theme to “The Partridge Family,” and I start humming, “C’mon get happy.”

Life is short, then you’re dead and not getting any damn attention. We all deserve to be happy. Except Idiot at School. That one deserves a staph infection.

Love and kisses,

WM