Dear Wacky Mommy,

How do I get people to stop assuming that because I am a first-time mom, I am an ijit? My IQ did not go down just because I got knocked up.

Signed,

Smarter Than You Think

Dear Smarter,

They’re probably looking at your beautiful curvy body, your burgeoning boobs, your glossy hair, your long, calcium-enriched nails (are your nails awesome? My nails were awesome during pregnancy. Wait — they still are awesome) and thinking, “Pretty pregnant girl. Stupid. She needs my help so she won’t fall down.”

It’s a little special trick that females can do — create a human life at the same time we’re 1) fighting traffic 2) hauling around a growing taller and kicking harder older kid under one arm, while the new one is kicking harder and growing taller out front 3) working like madwomen at our jobs 4) grocery shopping and ducking strangers who are trying to pat The Belly 5) gardening, cooking dinner, doing laundry, giving the dog his worm medicine and 6) telling the contractors that no, 6:30 a.m. is not too early to start their workday and 7) trying not to spit at people when they act like we’re frickin’ brain donors.

“I am able to create human life, from scratch. Do you not stand in awe of me?”

Funny thing I read on the MotheringDotCommune boards: “I make milk. What’s your superpower?” Because Smarter, you are not only smarter, you’ve got the whole amazing biological woman thing going on! You do not need to acknowledge these people. Float on by with your Superwoman Powers and shine it on.

Love,

Wacky Mommy