“My breasts are so versatile now. I can wear them down, up, or side to side.”

— Cybill Shepherd

And in the in-box today (Does my writing suck? Apparently. Along with my secretarial skills):

Thank you for submitting to The Georgia Review. I’m sorry but your submission was not accepted for publication.

For future submissions please review our submission guidelines. You failed to enclose an SASE with your submission, nor did you even supply a return address. We will not respond via email in the future.

Best.

Scott R. LaClaire
Production Manager
The Georgia Review
The University of Georgia
Athens, GA 30602-9009

706.542.3481
Georgia Review

To Scott, I say:

Girl Scouting Is All About Friendship. Girl Scouting Is All About Leadership. Girl Scouting Is All About Caring. Girl Scouting Is All About Fun. Yes, the cookies are in, ta-ra-ra-boom-di-ay… Thin Mints, yes. Lemon Thingies, eh. Peanut Butter Tagalongs, hell yes. All Abouts, hand ’em over. Will now drown my literary sorrows in honey-vanilla chamomile tea and a large plate of cookies while watching last night’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy on tape. (Tell me again, why the hell did Meredith stick her hand inside blown-up guy? To get McDreamy’s attention? Well, that’s one I never tried before.)

Did I mention I have laryngitis? Me, with no voice. Imagine. Hockey God and children are thrilled and not even trying to hide it.

Was also recently rejected by McSweeneys, both online and published versions. Have also been rejected by numerous other literary mags in the past few years. Far too many to mention here. This is just the most recent round of me trying to get my shit published. Have also been shot down by 20, 30, 80 who can remember, really, literary agents, publishers, feature-style magazines, etc.

Have also given up on my writers’ group. Rewrite, rewrite, repeat, and still, they kept saying the novel had no “voice.” Me. With no voice. Imagine.

Love,

WM