Wacky Girl, Wacky Boy and I are all grouchy. Thanks for asking! I mean — like ready to smack each other grouchy. I. Hate. The. End. Of. The. School Year. So there.

WB: “No, no, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

WG: “I did not say that was OK! I did NOT!”

Me, to Hockey God: “No, I am not as excited about the Stanley Cup as you are.”

HG: “What is wrong with you guys?”

Wacky Cats: “Meooooooow, hissssssssssssssssssss!”

Wacky Dog: “Bowooooooooooooo…” (bayful mourn)

Thus I have come up with the 20 Top Ways the Wackies are Planning to Have Fun This Summer:

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“With a rubber duck, one’s never alone.”

— “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”

Shelley, for Planet Nomad Mom. This is one of my favorites, too. Especially:

“We look before and after,
And pine for what is not:
Our sincerest laughter
With some pain is fraught;
Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.”

Happy Memorial Day, everyone. Don’t forget to light your candles.

WM

(Click on “read more” to see entire poem.)

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Wacky Girl and I went to see Akeelah and the Bee and it made us so happy. Go see it. Except I’m thinking, my kids are really not going to want to go to the movies with me once they hit those teen years, cuz I am big sucker crybaby at the movies. (They probably wouldn’t want to anyway, but they especially won’t cuz who wants to sit with sobbing mom?) Sad, happy, romantic, overwrought, Civil War epics, cartoons, doesn’t matter. Is she going to win? WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T WIN??? WHAT IF THE OTHER KID WINS THE SPELLING BEE? etc.

WHAT IF E.T. DIES?

WHAT IF AT THE END OF “AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN” HE DUMPS HER? No, it’s okay, there he is, carrying her out of the factory, everyone’s cheering, whew that was close.

Sucker crybaby, I told you.

We had to play Scrabble after dinner; guess who won?

Today would have been my Dad-o’s 64th birthday. (He has been gone since I was 9. Too long. And the years just keep flowing along, and him being here seems like a dream from a million years ago.)

I used to get pretty freaked out on and around the day of his death. Plus, it was in April. And April? Worse frickin’ month in Oregon, even under the best of circumstances. It is wet and gray here in April. “April is the cruellest month,” yeah no kidding. Highest suicide rates, supposedly, are March, April & May.

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I’m watching my Wacky friend A’s kids on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays until school is out. She is paying me. I can get pedicures now.

“We don’t like our other babysitter,” the older kid told me.

“Yeah, cuz she forces us to sit there and watch TV,” sez the younger one.

“Yeah,” sez his big brother. “Like, forces us.” These are boys who really do like their TV viewing, so damn, you know she was parking them non-stop.

“Also, she treats us like kindergartners,” they both said.

“You would be doing us a big favor,” the older one said, and what kind of heartless bitch could resist that?

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Funniest episode ever (I just watched this last night): Where the gang does an intervention on Chrissy re: his heroin addiction, and it ends with Sil and Paulie pounding the crap out of him.

Here’s the script from the scene.

We’re winding down on another school year, which means we’ve had a handful of asthma scares (Wacky Girl. And thank God it was just a handful), the flu and colds (all of us), pinkeye (Wacky Boy, twice), bronchitis and bronchial pneumonia (me, two or three times? I lose track) and general ennui (especially Wacky Dee and myself. Could it be ALL THAT REMODELING? Yes, we have no money, thanks), all since last September. Well, huh.

And last week, for me, our little friend Norovirus. As as the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention would like you to know: “People infected with norovirus are contagious from the moment they begin feeling ill to at least 3 days after recovery. Some people may be contagious for as long as 2 weeks after recovery.” This virus is blazing through Portland and Vancouver. C’mon by! We’d love to share it with you.

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Dear Wacky Mommy:

I know it’s not Friday advice time yet, however I have a question: What would your advice be for calming a middle school student when their school has been closed twice in a week (TWICE!) due to “threats.” Lots of the parents are becoming frustrated at the situation, but I don’t want “parent emotions” taking over what the real issue is, and that is dealing with the kids’ emotions. I’m compiling all the advice I can get. Thanks!

Oh, we hope they find the punks who are doing this and get them the help they need.

Signed,

Zipdodah

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Sometimes, you just need to think ahead to summer, and raspberries, strawberries, blueberries and a wading pool.

RASPBERRY SOUP

2 1/2 cups raspberries
1/2 cup sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/2 cup red wine (or water)
Serve with whipped cream, sour cream, or cream cheese.

Smush berries a little in a large bowl with a potato masher, to puree.

To the water or wine, add enough berry puree to make one cup.

Put cornstarch in a bowl and whisk in 1/4 cup of water/juice. In pan, combine the remaining water/juice mixture and sugar. Heat over medium heat, being sure not to scorch. Whisk in cornstarch/juice mixture; stir until clear. Pour hot liquid over berries. Chill. Serve with whipped cream, sour cream, or cream cheese.

(This works with frozen berries, as well. Just thaw first in refrigerator.)

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