“Why can’t a dish break a hammer?
Why, oh why, oh why?
‘Cause a hammer’s got a hard head/
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye.”

— “Why, Oh Why?” Woody Guthrie (Songs to Grow on For Mother and Child)

Q: Didn’t summer just start?
A: Yes, and now it’s over. Deal.

Wacky Mommy’s Q & A with herself:

Q: Is it fair that while soccer starts, then ends, and T-ball starts, then ends, ice skating, hockey and swimming never ever ever end? Why are they endless?
A: They just are. Are you sick of smelling like chlorine?

Q: Yes, I am. Wait! You’re not asking the questions, I am. Is it really necessary for Wacky Boy to bite me all the time?
A: Yes, it is. He just wants a little nibble is all.

Q: How can I get him to stop yelling “Bad mommy!” at me in public?
A: ….

Q: Well?
A: …

Q: Fucking give me an answer!
A: I think biting back is a bad idea, so don’t yell, “Bad kid!” back at him. Don’t bite him, either.

Q: I don’t. I want to, but I don’t.
A: Of course you don’t. Read him another Little Bear book and sing-song, “We don’t call names. No calling names. Hush!” etc.

Q: Yeah, my ass that will work.
A: You could give it a try. Are you worried that your readers will think you’re schizo, talking to yourself like this.

Q: Naw, they go with the flow. And I’m the one asking questions here, ‘k?
A: So ask. I have answers.

Q: Did the neighbor have her baby yet? I’m feeling like I’m in labor over here, waiting.
A: Magic 8 Ball sez…

Q: So you don’t know all the answers. Huh. Will you go fix me a cup of coffee?
A: Nope. Gotta motor.

Q: Yeah, me too. OK, one more. Will taxpayers in this state ever vote in a sales tax, or for more property taxes? Or at least buy school supplies and chuck them at their neighborhood school as they drive by?
A: BWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAA. You’re funny.

Q: OK, one more. That didn’t count. Why are all PTA’s so political and bitchy?
A: Cuz the people with the least power want the most of the little power they’ve got. Anything else?

Q: Yeah. Peace, someday?
A: Yeah, sure. There will be peace someday.

Q: Are you just saying that to make me feel better?
A: Yeah, probably. Go get yourself a cup of coffee now.