Chuck’s new calendar is ready!!!!!!

Already shopping for the holidays? Perhaps you need a plush toy shaped like guts.

A heart, kidney, liver or lung? They have them all.

Thursday 13ers and dear, dear Usual Suspects,

Our house is going on the market soon SOON as in… maybe this month? (In my dreams.) Or possibly we’ll wait a few months.

Chores take time. And so does yardwork.

Thirteen EXCELLENT Things About Selling Our Home:

13) One word: Newcarpet. The whole house looks sunny and light now.

12) Our storage space is filling up as the house gets emptied out. Goodwill, friends, trash, storage, or Artfully Arranged: A place for everything and everything in its place. (My desk is the exception to this rule.)

11) No more picking up 800 Dr. Seuss, Little Bear and Magic Treehouse books — they’re packed.

10) Ditto 1/2 of our clothes.

9) The front yard is edged. Well. Half-edged. Our lawn is rarely edged.

8) It’s still covered with weeds, which I’m justifying for this reason: If the new owners want a nice lawn, they can pay for it themselves. If they’re going to cover it with flagstones, ground cover and zero-scaping EXCUSE ME xeriscaping, why should I bother? (Good one, eh? I love my logic when it saves me from weeding.)

7) The beds are weeded, though, and we’ve done about 1/2 the pruning.

6) I have never been so in love with my husband in my life. And honestly, I have been madly, head-over-heels with the guy since he was my neighbor down the street. He has done every single one of the projects we (and by we I mean “he”) needed to tackle. Exposed wires covered, new sprinkler system box installed, touch-up paint done, new back door.. to quote Dooce — After all that, I don’t even need a gin and tonic to get in the mood.

5) Did I mention the weather has been gorgeous in Portland, Ore.? (Trying not to jinx myself.) When it’s sunny, I am much more inclined to work in the yard, keep up with the house, go for walks with the kids… and then I get excited about moving all over again. Why? Because we’ll have a new neighborhood to walk in! Yay.

4) I think we’re going to buy Ikea bedroom furniture. Should I really splurge and spend a couple hundred bucks? Yes. I was quite enamored of my mother-in-law’s new room when we visited her in Denver last summer. Her set-up looks kinda like this. I love my futon and all but I am a grown woman now! Sick of sleeping on floor.

3) The kids are enjoying their rooms more now that they’re decluttered. They have room to play. On the floor. Did you know that bedroom floors could be used for this, and not just toy/debris/clothes storage? It’s a revelation.

2) I can find things in my kitchen now — lids to Tupperware, the corkscrew, cooky cutters — now that we’ve cleared some of it out. And the counters? It’s easier to cook, once the counters are cleared off. Again — a revelation.

1) I won’t miss the Nasty Neighbor one bit. She yelled at our carpet guys! Why? They were cutting carpet. In the street. In front of my house, which is next door to her house. She was rude to them and they were so nice about it. I apologized to them, and to their boss, too. “Yeah, people get a little strange sometimes,” one said.

Yeah, no kidding. I’ll miss most of our neighbors — especially the Nekkid Ones — but her? I try to be a decent person and rise above it. For instance, I didn’t throw a corndog at her when she yelled at the carpet guy. I haven’t called the city on her lately. I haven’t flashed her or anything. But she still insists on throwing the toxic vibe around all the time. I will step aside and let it zing right past me, as much as I can.

You know, I won’t miss her even one little bit.

Happy Thursday, everyone.

WM

Wanna see pix of our newest family member? He’s over there in Flickr, purring. Where did we get him? From our yard. He was out there in the rain, skinny, hungry, covered in fleas.

Meowing all the time and wanting some pets on the head.

Not neutered. Of course he wasn’t neutered, so there are all kinds of cats, younger than he is and looking just like him, oddly enough, throughout the neighborhood.

He was catting around.

The kids: “Mom, that little black and white cat is back!”

Hockey God: “What a surprise.”

After I dropped the kids off at school in the morning, he would be stretched out on the parking strip, hunting birds and mice. He’d meow hello at me. I fell for him. Put him in a cat carrier, took him in for shots, neutering, de-worming, de-fleaing. Then he was supposedly to go off to the Humane Society, where I would track him on the computer until he found a home, or go rescue him if he didn’t.

You can probably guess how that one went. No room at the inn, me on the phone, my husband saying, “Take him home, already,” excited kids, happy me, one blissed-out kitty cat, stretched out on a blanket on the best chair in the house, sleeping. And eating. And sleeping some more. He’s doing OK with the other cats, although being Young Stud he is a little too rowdy sometimes.

Then I get a call.

Female voice (sniffling and snorking): “I’m calling? About your little black and white cat?” (sobbing.)
me (worried he’s been hit): “Is he OK???”
Female on the other end of phone: “Yeah, he’s not hit or anything, he’s on the sidewalk here? I’m petting him. It’s just… Where did you get him?”
me: “From our yard. Wait.. he’s yours?”

Yeah, he was hers. “Was,” I just said. Because after she talked with my daughter, explained the deal, and I got back on the line, she decided we needed to keep the (un-neutered, flea-bitten) kitty-witty.

Female voice: “She’s real attached to him now, huh? I got him off Craig’s List for ten bucks. He’s sweet, isn’t he?”
Me: “Yeah, he’s adorable.”

He’s a little over a year old. Much back and forth, that went like this… are you sure? I don’t want to steal your cat, here. Not that I’ve ever done that before. Uh, maybe I did, but just that once. No, really — it’s okay, we got two other cats. Us, too! Yeah, it’s a small kitty-cat world, isn’t it? Are you sure it’s OK? Yeah, I got him for my mom, but she will be so glad to hear your daughter loves him so much. She really does love him. Thank you. No, thank you. Really — thanks.

So welcome home, for keeps, Wacky Cat 3. We love you.

“The mind is its own place, and in itself / Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”

–John Milton (1608-1674) [Paradise Lost]

Reviewed today:

(more…)

All jokes aside, Wacky Mommy sends support and a big cheer to the Writers’ Guild of America, East and West, who are now out on strike.

Best wishes for a short strike that brings you a fair agreement.

“Pencils down means pencils down.”

(PS — Do you qualify to join? Find out here and here. I do not, unfortunately, although I am going to look into the Associate’s Program. Maybe someday…)

Here are 100 words to get you started (from the Giant Write Every Day Book):

1997 1997 775 american animal answer baby best birthday cat celebrate color come corp day december describe dog down during egg emc family father favorite feel find first five flag friends games get giant gift give go good hear help home imagine include july know list little look lost march may mean might mother name new night now paper people popcorn pretend questions read reasons rights say school see september shoes should smells something sounds special spring starters story students summer take tell things think time titles topics tree trick try use want week winter words world write writing year

All of you who are whining and “just saying no!” to writing every day? What is so hard about writing? Granted, I may have more time on my hands than you do. All I’ve been doing over here is having sex with my husband and enjoying the new carpet that the carpet dudes installed.

Is that stopping me from writing? Nooooooo, it is not! I’ve posted seven or eight times already today. Follow my lead it is fun. You just have to start “borrowing” other people’s writing. Quotes, recipes, first sentences of novels and what-not.

I do not call this “thieving” when I “borrow” from someone else… no, no, no, I call it “paying homage.” Write on!

Writing is not hard; writing is easy! Here is Steve Martin to tell you why: (more…)

Did I mention that the carpet dudes are here, laying the new carpet? Hockey God stayed home to make sure they don’t lay me by accident. Heh heh heh heh heeeeeeeeee! (How does that joke go, anyway, “A guy goes over to lay this woman’s carpet…” No, it’s “A floor is just like a guy — lay it right this first time and you can walk all over it for the rest of your life.”)

Or… (stick with me here, I swear I’m going someplace with this…) “Soap” ha! I love you, Soap! I loved that damn show so much, I’ve seen every episode about ten times. If you’ve never seen it, go get it on DVD and have some good laughs.

I’m thinking of the episode where Jessica and Chester give marriage counseling a try. The minister who is supposedly counseling them flips out, rants and raves about his ex-wife, what a complete slut she was, “We were having new carpet laid. The installer apparently got confused about what he was there to lay…” Then he develops a raging crush on Jessica and can’t deal.

In walks the minister’s daughter (this episode had it all), Chester becomes obsessed with her and leaves Jessica. The minister’s daughter then leaves Chester.

“Why??” he asks.

“I found someone better.”

“Better how?”

“Better looking, better dressed, better in bed. Better.”

Chester: “Better dressed???”

The carpet guys just left — the carpet is perfect. A kind of wheat color — neutral, but not boring. Bright, and goes with the woodwork nicely, but not, you know, gray and stained like it used to be.

Better.