My son informed me this morning that I should quit eating meat. I informed him no, I shouldn’t, since I’ve gained 20 pounds being a mostly-vegetarian. (The occasional turkey sandwich, fish or chicken sometimes when we dine out.) I just lost 13 pounds, thank God, because I am not happy about this.

His sister last week told me to not eat fish.

“What about trout?” she asked. “Would you eat trout?”

“I would eat the hell out of some trout,” I told her. “Right after I caught it and smacked it on the head with a rock.”

“Yeah! Well, how would you feel if someone hit you in the head with a rock?” she asked.

Some days I’d be fine with that. As long as they knocked me quickly unconscious.

Meat isn’t murder. Cheese and sour cream are murder. Meat keeps me skinny. This recipe, however, is not what I have in mind (thanks anyway, Ms. Zip. I’m sure you’ll be whipping up this one lovingly for your family tonight):

No Foolin’ Sausage Cake
Makes 16 servings

1 pound pork sausage
1-1/2 cups brown sugar
1-1/2 cups granulated sugar
2 eggs, lightly beaten
3 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
1 cup cold strong coffee
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup raisins
1 cup chopped nuts

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 9-inch tube pan. Combine sausage and sugars and beat well. Add eggs and mix well.

Sift together flour, baking powder, ginger and pumpkin pie spice. Stir baking soda into coffee. Add flour and coffee mixtures alternately to sausage mixture stirring well to combine. Let raisins stand 5 minutes in boiling water. Drain well and stir into the batter with nuts.

Spoon into prepared tube pan, spreading evenly. Bake for 1-1/2 hours or until a cake tester inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Turn out of the tube pan and cool on a wire rack. Serve warm or at room temperature. Refrigerate any leftover cake.