If you’re in Portland, Oregon, check out Pitch a Tent for the Right 2 Survive.

Cuz we all have the right to survive, and be safe.

Peace.

— wm

See the whole set on flickr.

This fractures me.

isn’t that great news? yeah.

did i mention, that in addition to bronchitis, the worst allergies I’ve ever had in my life, a growing sense of “can we please be done with this now please, already?” about my novel (man am i sick of looking for typos, continuity blah blah and misc. plot debris)…

where was I going with this? yes. I had some tumor/growth/alien life force removed from my leg.

that’s why you stop by, right? for the gnarly health news? this wasn’t even gnarly, as these things go. This very beautiful girl doctor and her sweet and also beautiful assistant shoved me backwards on the table, shot up my leg with local anesthetic, and then I don’t even want to know what they did next. But it’s a week later and it’s still sore. Not bad sore — it’s healing up and all, but damn. You just never know what they’re going to do to you, once you step into that strange vortex known as The Doctor’s.

This is me at the doctor’s office. (Thank you, Tom Petty, for the visuals.)

it was just something I didn’t want to deal with and I finally did, yay me. Then I cried because it hurt and the doctor said, If it is malignant, we would need to… and then we’d… and general anesthetic and you’re strong and healthy and would do just fine with that, yes?

my response to that was: “No.” (See? See? Proof on my own blog.)

seriously, Internets. Unlike the rest of my deranged, high-strung extended family, I have extremely low blood pressure. I mean, it’s 90/60 on a good day. When I get sick/stressed/have just had surgery/am losing blood/haven’t had enough milkshakes or sweet potato pie/you name it, it dips to like, 70/47. Then the buzzers and bells start going off, whoop-whoop-aoooooooga! and they all get really excited and things get lively and I think, I am so glad I’m lying down for all this.

Then Steve says, “Even when it’s normal, it’s like, 90/60. She’s a freak, she’s fine.” And then they all simmer down. I can say the same thing, but they don’t listen to Almost-Dead Girl. But they will listen to Steve. Whatever.

Also my lungs have a hard time remembering to breathe. They just… don’t cooperate sometimes.

So I would prefer to never go under general anesthetic for the rest of my life. Also? Veins are collapsing due to Having Too Much Blood Taken for Thyroid Issues and Whatever Else the Vampires Wanted It For.

Hmm.

GOOD NEWS. I called for the test results and the very nice man gave me my favorite letter and my favorite number: B9. Benign!!! Get it? Which is just great, because you know what my favorite movie was when I was a young girl? Sunshine. You know what my favorite book was? (Next to “Wifey,” “Princess Daisy” and any other good smutty trash I could find)… that’s right. Norma Klein’s “Sunshine.” What happens in that book? That’s right. A beautiful teenage mom finds out she has Leg Cancer and her only options are 1) have it cut off or 2) have it cut off or 3) take meds and puke her guts out and then die, anyway.

When you are a teenage girl, this is the sort of book you want to re-read 200 times. So I did. Oh, and “Go Ask Alice.” Yes. So I think this has sort of been a lifelong fear, perhaps. That I will get leg cancer and have to choose between puking/then dying or having my leg amputated. I would choose… neither. I just wouldn’t go to the doctor, that’s how I would solve that one. But I did go to the doc, and all is well. And I’m done with antibiotics for bronchitis and seem to be on the mend. Good! Right on!

Beautiful, happy Friday to you.

— wm

ps in unrelated news, I just filed my first book review for my girls at BlogHer. It’s on “Getting to Happy,” Terry McMillan’s sequel to “Waiting to Exhale.” The review will run sometime this month — I’ll link when it does. (Link!) Will you go check out their site, pretty please? Good stuff on there, and lots of interesting women writing about things that won’t make you wince like I do. Ta-ta for now!

Hmm. Check this one out. And why is it no one is asking?

— wm

Why do I love this dang dog so much? I’ve probably watched this video twenty times. I’m worse than the kids.

arggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!

You know why I still subscribe to the newspaper? (We take three, actually — west side paper, Street Roots (homeless guys’ newspaper) and Thee Oregonian.) Four reasons: 1) Page One of the funny papers. 2) Page Two of the funny papers 3) obits (“hatched, matched and thatched,” as my dear departed Granny said of the birth, wedding and death notices) and 4) the FoodDay section.

I am sucker for recipes, y’all who have been reading me for awhile know that. Today, along comes this cute hippie guy, making some vegetarian burritos for himself and his girlfriend. Awwwwwwww… just like Stevie and me! So I had to make some for lunch and some to put in the freezer. Of course I only had the burrito-size tortillas, and no sweet potatoes. And I was too lazy to fry up some new potatoes. And I wanted to add rice, anyway, so forget about the spuds.

Also, I used some El Pato and tomato sauce, and did them enchilada-style.

What else? I subbed collards for kale, due to the fact that we had no kale in the fridge. But Steve’s not crazy about kale, anyway, so it’s all good! (As the hippies say. “It’s all good hemp!”)

Other than that, I followed the recipe exactly. So there you go. Steve had a nice, home-cooked lunch, and we have a pan of enchilada/burritos in the freezer. This working from home thing rocks. I have had a hard time with it, in the past, keeping on a schedule, getting the writing/editing done, paying enough attention to laundry/cleaning/reading/bread-baking/gardening/bill-paying/kids/everything else. (No, not in that order. The bread-baking comes in second place, right after the kiddos.) (Probably helps that they’re in school most of the day, my little darlins. But with as many days as we have off? It’s not that different from when they were babies.) (No diapers though!!!!! Right on!!! Right on!!!)

(speaking of… Lelo posted some dynamite salad dressing recipes. Don’t get too skinny, girl! I like ’em curvy ;)

I also went all crazy and made the MAC Club’s Bran Muffins, from a recipe I cut out of the paper about two decades ago. So of course it’s not online. OregonLive barely has stuff that’s two weeks old online. I’ll type it up later, I promise.

Oh, Oregonian… Sorry I was hating on you so much awhile back. (Internet can’t see my fingers crossed behind my back.) I’m sorry! I feel so bad every time I think about you! OK, I’m not sorry.

Bon appetit!

Wacky Mommy

and… here’s the recipe. My changes (they all worked well): I subbed two real eggs for the egg substitute; dark molasses for light; soymilk with a tablespoon of lemon added instead of buttermilk (this is also a trick I use with real milk if I don’t have buttermilk in the house; and I added a little extra milk — maybe should have used three eggs? Yeah, I added a little honey, too, cuz sticky bran muffins = heaven.

And I left out the pineapple. My daughter wants me to add bananas next time. I think blueberries would be good, too. We’re anti-raisins and nuts over here, but you may feel differently. Also, I mixed it all up in one damn bowl because life is too short to mess with separate bowls.

We all four like this recipe. And even though I filled the muffin tins right up to the edge (muffin tops!! the good kind) it still made enough for lunches and snacks, plus some for the freezer. Done!

MAC Bran Muffins

1 1/2 cups brown sugar
3 1/2 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
1 tablespoon baking powder
3 cups wheat bran
1/3 cup vegetable oil
2/3 cup liquid egg substitute
1 tablespoon light molasses
1 1/4 cups buttermilk
1 15 1/4 oz. can juice-packed crushed pineapple, drained

In a large mixing bowl, combine sugar, flour, soda, baking powder and wheat bran until uniformly mixed. In a separate bowl, mix oil, egg substitute, molasses and buttermilk. Add egg mixture and pineapple to flour mixture all at once. Stir until all of flour is wet, but do not overmix.

Fill lightly greased muffin tins (or paper-lined tins) 3/4 full. Bake at 350 degrees for 18-20 minutes or until lightly browned.

Makes approximately 2 dozen.

from my son:

“Did you ever go a-fishin’ on a sunny, sunny day/
sit on the bank/
’til the bank give away/
with your hands in your pockets/
and your pockets in your pants/
sit on the bank/
and do a hootchie-kootchie dance…”

(psst — wanna see a picture of our grumpy cat?)

“Also, in the individual’s mind there are many hopes. If one hope fails, it does not mean that all hopes fail. I have met some people who tend to feel completely overwhelmed and who become desperate when they are not able to fulfill one of their hopes. But I believe that the human mind is very complex. We have so many different types of hopes and fears that it is quite dangerous to invest everything on one particular hope, so that when that hope is not fulfilled we are totally overwhelmed. That is a bit too dangerous.” — His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from “The Dalai Lama’s Little Book of Wisdom: The Essential Teachings,” p. 366