Everyone has been sending me stuff, but have I been kind enough to review any of it? Noooooooooooo. Too busy bitching at Emilio Estevez.

Reviewed today:

And, just to mix things up:

Student’s Go Vegan Cookbook, by Carole Raymond. (And no, I don’t like the placement of that apostrophe, either. Talk to Carole’s publisher about it, not me.)

The God of Small Things, by the political, brilliant and irrepressible writer and speaker Arundhati Roy.

And… (mixing it up, get it?) how about the Jiffy Mixes recipe book? If you go to their website they’ll send you, one, too. If you have an Easy-Bake Oven, Jiffy Mixes work just splendidly and do not cost as much as the Easy-Bake mixes.

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The kids gave their gifts to their teachers today — Christmas ornaments, chocolate bars, holiday cards and a poem by Wacky Girl. (Keeping everything simple and within the budget this year.) For this week’s Thursday Thirteen…

THIRTEEN GREAT GIFTS TO GIVE A TEACHER

1. Volunteer in class when you can.

2. Gift certificates — to restaurants, a gourmet grocery store, a bookstore, an office supply place.

3. If you have time, go into the school when you pick up your child and ask if they need help cleaning the classroom — recycle old papers, wipe down the desks, push in the chairs, sharpen the pencils, sort out work to go home with the kids.

4. Buy them a CD player for the class if they need one. Or beanbag chairs. Or bookshelves. Teachers spend way too much of their own money outfitting their classrooms and buying supplies for students.

5. Small gifts are fine — kids’ drawings, cards or letters, poems. Even a thank you note will do. An assortment of teabags, a pound or two of coffee. Homemade or storebought cookies, mints, cheese and crackers.

6. Jewelry. My daughter came home from kindergarten saying, “Some of the kids bought the teacher jewelry for Christmas!” It was from the Dollar Store, but who cares? (If you can afford better, go for it.)

7. Neck wraps — I have a lavender-scented one I love. Heat it in the microwave for two minutes and neckache is gone. Teachers (the ones I’ve known, anyway) seem to internalize most of their stress.

8. Journals, blank notecards, fancy pens.

9. A homemade meal — something easy to transport, that you can leave with them at the end of day. Maybe a casserole with a loaf of bread, a bottle of wine, and dessert. No time to cook? Costco meals are much appreciated, too. (I’m thinking of my neighbors right now — new parents, teachers, the mail carrier — everyone likes a meal that they didn’t have to fix.)

10. A gift certificate for a massage, manicure or pedicure.

11. Fruit baskets — small or large.

12. DVDs, music CDs, books, magazines. Or better yet — subscriptions to magazines.

13. Anything, really, as long as you’ve put a little thought into it.

Honestly? It’s the thought that counts. When I saw my daughter’s teacher reading her poem to himself (she drew little pictures in the margins, it’s totally sweet), then asking her, “You wrote this? Did it take you long?” I don’t know who was happier — him, her or me. My daughter’s kindergarten teacher showed me the best present she got at the end of the school year — a little Matchbox car that one of the kids gave her. (He saw the other kids had brought in gifts, and didn’t want to overlook her.) Now that is a present.

From George Bernard Shaw:

“This is the true joy of life: the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”

Yeah, that’s me alright — a regular force of nature. And this may be all you’re getting from me this week…

Book of the week: I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being A Woman by Nora Ephron. She is a funny, funny, funny lady. Sorry, I could never hope to be even one-tenth as funny as she is, so I will not try.

Christmas pageants are a lot of work, it turns out. If I was into pharmaceuticals I’d be taking a Valium right now.

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Start with: One riotously fun outing to Chuck E Cheez for D’s birthday party. Both kids: “THAT WAS FUN! CHUCK E CHEEZ IS FUN! WHY DIDN’T YOU EVER TAKE US THERE BEFORE? YEAH, WHY MOM? CUZ CHUCK E CHEEZ IS FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN. WHEN CAN WE GO BACK?”

Next day, combine: Pinkeye and runny nose in one Wacky Boy.

Following day, add:

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Still not blogging. Sob. It’s weird, not blogging. Cuz I love you, Internet. Naw, it’s been alright. The kids and I are having fun. And fewer headaches since I’m not transfixed by the monitor. Ommm, ommm.

Here’s a list put together by the inimitable Portlander, Rebecca McVicker, so she’s the guest blogger today… Who knew there was so much fun stuff to do in Portland? (Some offerings are not limited to PDX.)

Stay cool.

WM

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Wacky Girl, Wacky Boy and I are all grouchy. Thanks for asking! I mean — like ready to smack each other grouchy. I. Hate. The. End. Of. The. School Year. So there.

WB: “No, no, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

WG: “I did not say that was OK! I did NOT!”

Me, to Hockey God: “No, I am not as excited about the Stanley Cup as you are.”

HG: “What is wrong with you guys?”

Wacky Cats: “Meooooooow, hissssssssssssssssssss!”

Wacky Dog: “Bowooooooooooooo…” (bayful mourn)

Thus I have come up with the 20 Top Ways the Wackies are Planning to Have Fun This Summer:

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I made the rounds to the Starbucks stores today and gathered up ceramic mugs, travel mugs, pitchers for steaming milk, and little tasty boxes of Vanilla After Dinner Mints and Gum for the teachers at school, for Teacher Appreciation Week. (Dedicated as the first full week in May, but we’re celebrating May 8-12 at our school.)

But you know I couldn’t be normal about it, right? As I am not. Abbey Normal, here.

I’m going to add this post to the School Fundraising Primer, so look for it there.

Enjoy your day, everyone!

WM

Just as I sat down to write this, I got a “pass it on” e-mail from one of my cousins. Starbucks allegedly wouldn’t send free coffee to the Marines, yadda yadda. Well, of course it’s an Urban Legend but that isn’t the point.

The point is: If Starbucks didn’t have any free coffee to pass out, it would be cuz they’re saving all their love and grounds for moi, Wacky Mommy.

That’s right, Fundraising Tip #1: Starbucks rocks. They are extremely generous in donating coffee, pastries, mugs, teddy bears and more to the schools. Also, they will give you bags and bags of coffee grounds for your garden (for the rhodies, azaleas, blueberries…) They reduce their garbage bill and your yard flourishes. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

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Wacky Girl has gone to a whole lotta of birthday parties in the nearly seven years she has been here on Planet It�s Somebody�s Birthday Again. In fact, just today she went to two more! (One for a boy, one for twin girls. So really? It was more like three, three, three parties in one day!)

The child is something of a birthday party expert. As a party-hopping mommy, I appreciate a fun party that doesn�t overwhelm the kids (or the parents) and leaves us wanting more. (First tip: Most of the time less is more and just perfect.) Here are some suggestions for you, and some pitfalls to avoid. Happy partying!

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I never finished up this topic, sorry. Got too busy railing.

School carnivals take a heck of a lot of planning but man, are they ever worth it! (And I think we might even have made a little money, which is always nice.) We had two huge bounce-arounds (these are spendy, but the kids love them), a rootsy-folksy band that appealed to the crowd, a magician, a bunch of games (ping-pong ball toss into iced tea glasses, sports booth, cakewalk, all of those), face painting, and a Cajun feast with rice and beans, jambalaya, cornbread and Moon Pies.

The photo badge booth, where the kids could get their pictures taken and put their sweet little mugs on a button, was a hit, as was the arts & crafts room. It gave people a nice quiet space to mellow out. They made “shoebox floats” (for the parade) that they decorated with paper and glitter, and they could make Mardi Gras masks, too. We also sold a ton of feathery Mardi Gras masks and glow necklaces, for a dollar apiece. (You can get a lot of materials online, for cheap. And sometimes party stores will give you a school discount.) We raffled a bunch of stuff off and had door prizes, too. There was a big parade through the halls
at the end.

I came home and passed out, and so did the rest of the Wacky Family. Also I completely went into a sugar coma from the cake Wacky Girl and Boy won in the cakewalk, and the large box of peanut butter cups I devoured with almost no help from other family members. This sugar binge was followed by gin and tonic binge with the in-laws while they were here — damn, no wonder my head is fuzzy. Whew.

Some tips:

* If your in-laws are coming for a visit, make sure they arrive the night of the carnival, not the next day. Otherwise they miss all the fun! Plus you can rope an extra volunteer or two this way. (Wait, maybe this
was intentional on their part?)

* Start planning way in advance — at least three months. A lot of the bigger stores avoid charity donations by requiring at least 30 days notice — some even want six to eight weeks. Well, I understand they need time to get signatures on forms and to dither around calling “corporate” and all that crap, but it also lets them off the hook because they know that all of us Wacky Mommies and Daddies are running around at the eleventh hour trying to pull it together. Dithering, as it were.

* Get a letter from the principal as soon as you’ve set a date, so you can photocopy two bazillion copies and take them around to everyone. People you would never expect to cough up will totally surprise you, and people you think are sure bets will let you down. Gift certificates, donated items, cash money — all are gratefully appreciated. Baked goods are adored.

* Expect the unexpected — one of our “for sure” donors completely flaked out, and one of our donors who we didn’t think was even going to donate a day-old cake for the cakewalk came through with a carload of muffins, pastries, cakes and about 100 of those yummy little mini-fruit pies (which we sold with dinners).

It was fun. I’m already planning next year’s! Go for it at your school, if you’re hesitating. The kids will be happy, even if it’s not perfect, and the grown-ups will like it, too.