(photo by Steve Rawley)

i had a dream last night that we left the suburbs (where, oddly, it takes me five minutes to walk to the woods. even tho it’s the suburbs — i can walk up the hill, down the hill, or up the *other* hill and find… woods. #myneighborhoodhasdeer). where was i? we moved back to our old neighborhood and everyone and their chickens were happy to see us. that’s how i knew it was a dream. hahahahahaha…

seriously.

they were all, Don’t let the door hit yer ass on the way out. Sort of like when i left Thee Oregonian.

our last day in the old house (for reals, this wasn’t in the dream, it happened), Steve and I were making a final check and there were two of the neighbors — neighbors I had known well. Who we had had over for meals. Whose parties we had gone to. Hell, we even threw some parties together! there they were, staring at us from across the street. just having a little hen party and being weird. was it raining, or did it just feel like it? It was raining. No waves, no coming over to say goodbye, just the hard cold stares. I finally waved, and yelled, Guess we’re not going out for that drink you were talking about, after all! (steve: be nice. me: i cannot.) they were not friends, turns out. just asshole neighbors. our real friends from the old neighborhood we still see.

we’ve met some nice people out in our new neighborhood — neighbors, friends, co-workers, parents from the school where I was assigned last year, parents from my kids’ schools. we’ve settled in, it feels good.

seriously. i woke up this morning from that dream in a cold sweat.

Have decided not to drop out of grad school, btw. Just sayin’. In case you were worried.

Funny scene from restaurant last night:

We were seated next to a table full of drunk, white, middle-aged couples. Whereas we are middle-aged, we were not drunk, giving us the upper hand when it comes to recounting this story.

“Jungle Boogie” starts playing over the speakers. One of the women jumps up, starts dancing in the aisle, spanking her own ass, etc. Honestly to Mike, if there’s anything worse than a drunk white lady spanking her own ass and dancing to Kool & the Gang in the suburbs, well. At the moment I cannot think what that worse thing would be.

The waiter stops by with the check. I’m all, Are you catching this? He says, Yeah, I’m changing the station right now. This waiter has really grown on me — we talk literature all the time — this is our family’s usual spot, we’re there once a week or so. I told him he needs to give up waiting tables for now and just get into Columbia, Berkeley, Reed, whatever it takes. His response is always, Eh. Yeah, someday. Then he gives me another reading list: “Feed,” “Brave New World,” “The Master and Margarita.” “You’ve never read ‘Animal Farm’? Seriously?” (…and you claim to be a teacher, woman? haha.) I don’t care for dystopian fiction, so much, it’s Steve and Wacky Girl’s thing more than mine, but my students are nuts for it. I need to at least attempt to keep up.

He flips the station. The drunks are disappointed. “Awwwwwww, you changed the station!”

“Yeah,” he says, flip, “Who doesn’t love Foghat?”

Steve sent me this clip along with a note that said, At least I’m not this bad!

He’s wrong, he is. Cuz when our girl was waiting for the bus, for her first day of middle school, with a bunch of kids she has never seen before in her life, Daddy wanted to check on her. So he dropped off her brother, buzzed back home, then, uh… yelled out to her…

“HI HONEY, I, UH, FORGOT SOMETHING! HAVE A GOOD FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!”

She loves him so.

“it’s the first day of school/
and the boys are watching…”

This truly sounds like, just possibly, the worst movie ever.

Has anyone seen it? If you’re interested, you can buy a used copy for one dollah.

And yes, that’s Ron Weasley playing his friend, Alan A. Allen.

We had a total blast at moms’ night out last night. We all (in the past) have had our kids go to different schools, all over the city, even though we live near one another. That seems to be changing and I’m glad.

Nice women live in my neighborhood and they have sweet families, too. Fun.

Now to plant some flowers and celebrate someone’s 7th birthday all weekend…

“Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the Watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by Time. That is the life of men.”

— Zora Neale Hurston, “Their Eyes Were Watching God”

Seriously, that was in my folder this morning. Thank you, Marietta!

Yesterday my daughter and I went… (more…)

It’s Portland. It’s April 19th. Why wouldn’t it be snowing?

Happy (early) birthday, Wacky Nekkid Mini-Neighbor! Thanks for the bowling, pizza and cake!

Love,

Wacky Family

I would like if my son would get well, the poor thing. He’s been sick for three weeks now!

Fever: once in awhile, but not super-high, and not high enough to keep him down for long (with the exception of yesterday, when he put himself to bed in the middle of the day.)

Throwing up: one time. Two weeks ago?

Coughing: Constantly, but until this morning, sounded like a “getting better” cough, not an “wheezing, unable to catch breath” cough. Until today.

Runny nose: He’s five. He always has a runny nose.

My nerves: Frayed. (more…)

That’s it! What else would you like to hear? Do you think it’s odd that the Nekkid Neighbors returned home from their trip at the exact same minute we returned from ours?

Kooky is what that is!

wm

Thursday 13ers and dear, dear Usual Suspects,

Our house is going on the market soon SOON as in… maybe this month? (In my dreams.) Or possibly we’ll wait a few months.

Chores take time. And so does yardwork.

Thirteen EXCELLENT Things About Selling Our Home:

13) One word: Newcarpet. The whole house looks sunny and light now.

12) Our storage space is filling up as the house gets emptied out. Goodwill, friends, trash, storage, or Artfully Arranged: A place for everything and everything in its place. (My desk is the exception to this rule.)

11) No more picking up 800 Dr. Seuss, Little Bear and Magic Treehouse books — they’re packed.

10) Ditto 1/2 of our clothes.

9) The front yard is edged. Well. Half-edged. Our lawn is rarely edged.

8) It’s still covered with weeds, which I’m justifying for this reason: If the new owners want a nice lawn, they can pay for it themselves. If they’re going to cover it with flagstones, ground cover and zero-scaping EXCUSE ME xeriscaping, why should I bother? (Good one, eh? I love my logic when it saves me from weeding.)

7) The beds are weeded, though, and we’ve done about 1/2 the pruning.

6) I have never been so in love with my husband in my life. And honestly, I have been madly, head-over-heels with the guy since he was my neighbor down the street. He has done every single one of the projects we (and by we I mean “he”) needed to tackle. Exposed wires covered, new sprinkler system box installed, touch-up paint done, new back door.. to quote Dooce — After all that, I don’t even need a gin and tonic to get in the mood.

5) Did I mention the weather has been gorgeous in Portland, Ore.? (Trying not to jinx myself.) When it’s sunny, I am much more inclined to work in the yard, keep up with the house, go for walks with the kids… and then I get excited about moving all over again. Why? Because we’ll have a new neighborhood to walk in! Yay.

4) I think we’re going to buy Ikea bedroom furniture. Should I really splurge and spend a couple hundred bucks? Yes. I was quite enamored of my mother-in-law’s new room when we visited her in Denver last summer. Her set-up looks kinda like this. I love my futon and all but I am a grown woman now! Sick of sleeping on floor.

3) The kids are enjoying their rooms more now that they’re decluttered. They have room to play. On the floor. Did you know that bedroom floors could be used for this, and not just toy/debris/clothes storage? It’s a revelation.

2) I can find things in my kitchen now — lids to Tupperware, the corkscrew, cooky cutters — now that we’ve cleared some of it out. And the counters? It’s easier to cook, once the counters are cleared off. Again — a revelation.

1) I won’t miss the Nasty Neighbor one bit. She yelled at our carpet guys! Why? They were cutting carpet. In the street. In front of my house, which is next door to her house. She was rude to them and they were so nice about it. I apologized to them, and to their boss, too. “Yeah, people get a little strange sometimes,” one said.

Yeah, no kidding. I’ll miss most of our neighbors — especially the Nekkid Ones — but her? I try to be a decent person and rise above it. For instance, I didn’t throw a corndog at her when she yelled at the carpet guy. I haven’t called the city on her lately. I haven’t flashed her or anything. But she still insists on throwing the toxic vibe around all the time. I will step aside and let it zing right past me, as much as I can.

You know, I won’t miss her even one little bit.

Happy Thursday, everyone.

WM