My daughter, complaining about her brother at the dinner table: “Dad! Dad!!! He just said the black beans smell like dead beetles and now I’m not hungry!”

Yeah, and neither am I, because I just remembered our most recent road trip.

My husband enjoys spending his time as a passenger trying to identify the dead things along the road. I do not enjoy this so much.

“Coyote. Or dog. Yeah, dog.”

“Rabbit.”

“Squirrel.”

“Raccoon. Or cat. Big cat. No, raccoon.”

me: “Please. You really need to stop.”

As for live things… between Redding, Calif., and Portland, Ore., on the drive north on I-5, I counted 17 herds of sheep and 10 hawks.

“I’m four and I’m not three anymore!”

Good, because three is just too young to have your own cellphone.

U LOOK
I SHOOT

(Sign on someone’s property, just north of Wolf Creek, Oregon, along the Applegate Trail)

Dear, long-lost Thursday 13ers and All You Usual Suspects,

How the heck are you, friends? I’ve been… everywhere, man.

“Done laid around, done stayed around
This old town too long;
Summer’s almost gone, winter’s coming on…”

Oh, wait. Winter’s almost over, it’s almost spring. Whatever, it works for me. What does all of this have to do with Disneyland? Nothing. It’s just — we haven’t talked in awhile. I wanted to catch up. Here’s your list:

13 Things I Must Say Blow Me Away About Disneyland

1) They don’t perform weddings anymore next to the castle. How magical is that? Not very. (My friends C & K got married there — so romantic.)

2) The Electrical Parade rocks just as hard as everyone said it would.

3) My kids love it. Love it for 12 hours straight and want to go back the next day for more love it. They’re kinda cynical, for an 8- and 5-year-old (geesh), but not once did I hear “This is boring.”

4) The Tiki Room? Always a hit with me. I don’t care how dusty those birds are, or how hokey it is. If I could have the Tiki Room attached to my house I would be in seventh heaven. Tiki Heaven. Especially with a Pineapple Whip in hand.

5) Large asses. I have never seen so many large asses in my life. We have photos to prove it. (Like we need to. Ha.) “The Asses of Disneyland: A Series.”

6) Pirates of the Caribbean: Betta than evah.

7) Vodka in frozen lemonade? Well, you can have it if you remember to sneak in a flask.

8) Line for Mickey: Way Too Long. Line for Goofy? Not long at all! But he went on break right as Wacky Girl got to the front of the line. Damn dog. “But he shook my hand, it’s OK! Just didn’t sign my book!” All is forgiven, Goofy.

9) Speaking of Toon Town — my daughter went ga-ga for Toon Town — we had to go back twice. I didn’t expect that.

10) Jungle Cruise: Closed for repairs. It’s A Small World: Also closed for repairs. The looks on everyone’s faces: Priceless. (Those are my two favorite rides, though, so I was a little bummed.)

11) Admission? Let’s not discuss that. Instead let’s talk about Downtown Disney…

12) Build-A-Bear: Yes! Build two!

13) Beignets and cafe au lait at the New Orleans place — always a hit.

More on the trip later… Happy Thursday.

Love,

WM

Name the movie that line came from.

Yes, Internets, it’s true. I went to Southern California and did not visit Miss Vixen, or Y from the Internet, and I barely spent any time at all with my auntie. Selfish brat. (Me, not her.) I did spend a little too much time at Disneyland and LegoLand, however.

(Did you know that if you eat two Thin Mints with a cup of coffee, it’s just like having a peppermint mocha? Girl Scout cookies are here…)

xxox

wm

“Miss Otis regrets, she’s unable to lunch today, madam,
Miss Otis regrets, she’s unable to lunch today.
She is sorry to be delayed,
but last evening down in Lover’s Lane she strayed, madam,
Miss Otis regrets, she’s unable to lunch today…”

Oh, now. It wasn’t anything grim, don’t get excited. But I wasn’t able to lunch with y’all last week because I was… Where? You guess. Vixy was the only one who missed me, apparently. (And no, you don’t get a guess, girl. Cuz you knew!) (Ditto the rest of yins who already know the answer.) So, where in the world did the Wacky Family go on vacation?

And did it really warrant removing the children from school for an entire week? (I’ll answer that one: Yes, it did.)

Would you like to know the lyrics to the song my daughter sang most of the way home? Yeah, OK. Here you go:

“That darn party pooper there he goes,
pooping out parties!
Paaaaaaaarties once again! Yeah, yeah.
Shake that booty, right in the Baaaaaaaaaarbie’s face! Woo!
Where’s… Super Granny? Where?
There she is! Look Super Granny, it’s the party pooooooooper!
‘Little girls, do not be crude!’
That darn party pooper, Super Granny can’t solve the riddle.
Oh! Oh! There’s my pizza, left over from yesterday!”

(Like how she worked the reality of finding old Pizza Hut in the car right into the song, no problemo?)

Her brother, in a deep voice: “Super. Batman. Is. Here.”

Yes. Imagine all that, times 2,000 miles. (That’s a hint.)

xxox

wm

“It’s a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses. Hit it.”

— The Blues Brothers
(Titania was in a “blue” mood)

I would love to leave this messy, half-packed house behind for a week and hit the road with my husband and the kids. Would love that. Maybe the carpet guys will come over and move all the furniture for us and we can go? (We’re getting new carpet this weekend! Not for us — for whoever we sell the place to. So they can say, “Jeez-US! This carpet is ugly — who would pick this color?” It’s kind of a taupe, kinda wheat color? Neutral but not boring.) Then they will spend much $$$ tearing out carpet and putting in laminates. Or hardwoods, if they have that kind of cash. Or maybe under the plywood upstairs they will find… oak!

(They can dream, can’t they?)

Even more than the carpet situation, the carpet situation which is going to consume our entire weekend and on into next week, this fantasy hinges on us having enough cash to do what we want, where we want, without having to worry about work, vacation time, depleted PTO, kids who are in school. And you my dear, beloved readers, would say something like “Girl disappeared! Huh. She’ll be back later…” so I wouldn’t have Blog Guilt. (Those of you who blog, do you have guilt for not updating? I do, sometimes.)

Top Picks if We Were to Pack Up and Go Right This Minute:

* Disneyland!
* Vancouver, B.C.
* to see the grandparents, first in Denver, Colo., then in Iowa City, Ia.
* MEMPHIS!
* New. York. City!
* Kelowna, B.C., sez Hockey God

(More from the travel files — wm)

“Please God, make this a stress-free day!”
My former roommate, praying loudly at the breakfast table, circa 1992

Today is actually… I have no idea. I believe it’s Tuesday, Aug. 14th, 2007, but I could be wrong. The altitude has me a little discombobulated. I do know we’re still in Colorado. (more…)

Thirteeners and Usual Suspects,

Did you miss me half as much as I missed you? I don’t know if that is possible, cuz I missed you a lot! We were on vacation, through Oregon, Idaho, Utah, Wyoming and Colorado. It was fun. It was fantastic. It was so much fantastic fun that I am having trouble settling back in to “real” life and instead, am dreaming of this 13… (more…)

(I wish we were still on the road. WM)

We’re not skiing, duh, it’s August 6th. But we did drive through Utah today. Their rest areas are impeccably clean. The cliffs and rocks really do look like something out of a road runner cartoon. We saw a police road block.

me: What, did someone drink a Coke?
Hockey God: heh heh heh. (more…)