My son, admonishing me: “You’re not supposed to say ‘butt,’ Mom. You’re supposed to say ‘rear end’ or ‘beehive.'”

Dear Bef tagged me for a meme, asking me to list five ways I love being a mama. Ready?

1)

2)

3)

4)

5)

I can’t think of any. I’m making a list in my head that goes like this:

1) I love when it’s summertime and we get out the wading pool — but they’re too big for the wading pool now. Yet they refuse to give the pool away, so there it rests, against the fence, gathering dead leaves, sticks and rain water. (Note to self: Take pool to neighbor’s house; leave in front yard.) Also, one kid loves going to the city pools; the other would rather punch you in the nose than agree to it. We go anyway and park him in the shade.

1a) I love when we all work together as a team and come to a family decision.

2) Every time I tell or ask my girl to take care of something (put the dirty socks in the laundry, take a shower, feed the cats, help set the table) as soon as I say, “Honey, will you please…” She responds, “No, I don’t feel like it.” She doesn’t feel like it! That is so precious.

2b) I love that the kids are getting older and more independent.

3) My son collects garbage. Excuse me. It’s what you and I might call “garbage,” but to him it’s “treasure.” (Dead things, sand, rocks, ants, earwigs, tinfoil balls, bullet casings.) (We live in the city.) (Yeah, we started having the “Don’t pick up any balloons! Or anything that looks like a balloon!” talk about six years ago.)

3a) I love the creativity they show.

4) Food. Vegetables offered, vegetables refused. Fruit offered, fruit refused. Mac n chz offered, mac n chz accepted.

4a) Every kid is different, eh?

5) Since I’ve been out on family leave, we can actually walk home from school sometimes. Theoretically, we could walk to school, as well. But who wants to wake up ten minutes earlier? “Oh, GOD, you WALKED? We have to WALK home???” (Other parents on playground hiding their smiles.) Then I am stuck listening to the kvetching for the next 15 minutes. And we can’t run by the library, like I had planned, because we need the car for that.

5a) I like being a mom, even with the chaos, the kvetching, the refusing to practice piano, do homework, pick up the Pokemon cards that seem to be on permanent display across the living room rug. I wouldn’t trade it for nuthin’. Besides, they leave for college in 8 years and four months and 11 years and four months, respectively. That’s not so long from now.

Happy clickin’.

wm

ps edited Monday night to say…

1) I love how sweet my kids are. I love the hugs and the kisses and all the goofy jokes.

2) I love when we watch videos from when they were babies and they “translate” for me . (“I was saying ‘I don’t like this book.'”)

3) I love 7 & 9 cuz they’re not little babies… but they’re not big kids yet, either.

4) I love when we play Uno and Sorry and I Spy.

5) I love watching them grow, play piano, garden.

It’s a wonderful life. Really.

wm

The Easter Bunny left three plastic eggs under a tree out front this morning.

One contained nothing; the other two had fortunes inside.

One said: THAT WHICH IS TIMELESS IS FOUND NOW and the other said: IF YOUR COMPASSION DOES NOT INCLUDE YOURSELF, IT IS INCOMPLETE.

(Hint: It was Buddha, not the Bunny.)

Happy Sunday, y’all.

love,

wm

My son, having a conversation between his toy Land Rover and his toy pig:

Pig, facing down Land Rover: “Hey, don’t run me over, you like me, remember? You were my crazyass roommate!“

Ego Tripping (there may be a reason why)

“I was born in the congo
I walked to the fertile crescent and built
the sphinx
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star
that only glows every one hundred years falls
into the center giving divine perfect light
I am bad

I sat on the throne
drinking nectar with allah
I got hot and sent an ice age to europe
to cool my thirst
My oldest daughter is nefertiti
the tears from my birth pains
created the nile
I am a beautiful woman

I gazed on the forest and burned
out the sahara desert
with a packet of goat’s meat
and a change of clothes
I crossed it in two hours
I am a gazelle so swift
so swift you can’t catch me

For a birthday present when he was three
I gave my son hannibal an elephant
He gave me rome for mother’s day
My strength flows ever on

My son noah built new/ark and
I stood proudly at the helm
as we sailed on a soft summer day
I turned myself into myself and was
jesus
men intone my loving name
All praises All praises
I am the one who would save

I sowed diamonds in my back yard
My bowels deliver uranium
the filings from my fingernails are
semi-precious jewels
On a trip north
I caught a cold and blew
My nose giving oil to the arab world
I am so hip even my errors are correct
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off
the earth as I went
The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid
across three continents

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission

I mean…I…can fly
like a bird in the sky…”

— Nikki Giovanni (1973)

Today I’ll review two children’s books + one grown-up book, what do you think about that?

“Chester” by Melanie Watt, no, it’s by Chester, it turns out, Melanie’s cat. (Kids Can Press, 2007, $16.95.) And he also wrote the sequel, “Chester’s Back!”, which is NOT a Melanie Watt book, thank you! (Kids Can Press, 2008, $18.95.) This one was also “Written and illustrated by Melanie Watt’s hero.”

Chester says, blah, blah, blah, get to the reviews already, lady.

“I SAID…
A long time ago, in a faraway land, lived a cat named Chester.
NOT ready yet!
A long time ago…
CHESTER, not THAT long ago!
BORING!
CAVE CAT take over!
Ooga Chugga Ooga Chugga!”

(from “Chester’s Back!”)

These books are delightful — the drawings are lively, full of color and movement, made from pencil and watercolor, and assembled digitally. Chester is amiable, of course, even as he hijacks Melanie’s projects and runs away with them.

Does he like mice? No, he does not.

“Hasta la vista, Mousie!” — Chester

Now on to a selection for the adults in the house. Meg Federico, a writer from Nova Scotia, writes her mother Addie’s story in “Welcome to the Departure Lounge.” The book is by turns hysterical and depressing, over-the-top funny and too poignant for words. I read it quickly, then loaned it to my mom. I can’t wait to talk about it with her. It would be a great book club pick, this one.

What to do with Addie and Walter, the author’s well-to-do, aging mother, and Walter, Addie’s “new” husband? He’s soused, she’s soused, and good luck getting the credit cards away from them — they’ll just apply for new ones. And good luck finding good help to provide in-home care. The cow jumped over the moon, the dish ran away with the spoon and someone ran off with all the jewelry. (Except Walter’s — it turns up, eventually.) Ms. Federico gives a disclaimer early on that she is well aware that not everyone can afford in-home care. I was wishing she would have bankrupted her mom and put her into a nice assisted living place.

Oh, wait. She did try that — Addie checked herself out.

“Mentally competent” is not really how I would describe Ms. Addie, but the doctors disagreed.

Ms. Federico is one of the best writers I’ve come across in ages, and her writing sings and stings. Brilliant work.

Reviewed today:

Hey. Bullets? Okay.

* My husband asked me out for lunch. Wasn’t that sweet? Then he bought me an iced vanilla latte. That was sweet, too. Almost as sweet as the mango custard we had with lunch. Almost as sweet as the kheer. (Had to sample that, too.) Almost as sweet as Steve. He’s pretty sweet. Hmm. Maybe I’ll do his laundry for him now.

*Lentil Garden, you are the best Indian buffet place around. I mean it. Smooch. Thank you for the “Southern Comfort” food.

* No, I haven’t studied yet today. (Edited to say: I opened workbook. It intimidated me. I closed it. I opened it up again and began to study.) (School at age 44 is a lot different than school at age 22. If you’re young and you’re thinking of dropping out, or “wrapping up that degree” later on, plz you will think again.)

* The nail tech next to me yesterday, to her client: “I’m taking this class and I’m thinking, What the hell? This is so frickin’ hard! For my final I wrote and wrote and wrote and my teacher wanted more and I told her, Too bad, I’m out of ideas.”

* hahahaha. For some reason, she is going to be able to get by with this and still graduate I just know it. Me? The prof would flunk my ass.

* Hmm. I did work out last night and this morning. You?

* Our son had a great birthday weekend. Seven is so grown-up. Six is still a little kid. Wow. I have a seven-year-old and a nine-year-old.

* They’re still not too old for the park, thank God.

* I’m still not too old for the park. My knitting, a mug of coffee, my girlfriends, all the kids tearing around, ahhhh…

* Really loving the sunshine.

* Happy Monday to you.

xxox

wm

The sun is out for the second day in a row. I had fun at Fuchsia SATURDAY at fred meyer yesterday (fuchsia saturday, how I love thee), Wacky Girl and I had our nails done today, shopped at Target and enjoyed lunch out. Now I’m going to sweep and mop the kitchen floor and sit on the porch and drink wine.

Wine that I bought at Target.

I am incredibly classy this weekend.

ps i want chocolate now not next weekend, so guess who’s getting their Easter baskets early? That’s right. Hockey God and both kids.

pss they don’t believe in the Easter bunny anymore, so it doesn’t matter.

ppss maybe Steve still believes but I sincerely doubt it.

ppsss — i will always believe in you, Easter bunny. Gimme the goodies.

Please send love to Miss Zoot and her family.

We had a total blast at moms’ night out last night. We all (in the past) have had our kids go to different schools, all over the city, even though we live near one another. That seems to be changing and I’m glad.

Nice women live in my neighborhood and they have sweet families, too. Fun.

Now to plant some flowers and celebrate someone’s 7th birthday all weekend…