All jokes aside, Wacky Mommy sends support and a big cheer to the Writers’ Guild of America, East and West, who are now out on strike.

Best wishes for a short strike that brings you a fair agreement.

“Pencils down means pencils down.”

(PS — Do you qualify to join? Find out here and here. I do not, unfortunately, although I am going to look into the Associate’s Program. Maybe someday…)

Here are 100 words to get you started (from the Giant Write Every Day Book):

1997 1997 775 american animal answer baby best birthday cat celebrate color come corp day december describe dog down during egg emc family father favorite feel find first five flag friends games get giant gift give go good hear help home imagine include july know list little look lost march may mean might mother name new night now paper people popcorn pretend questions read reasons rights say school see september shoes should smells something sounds special spring starters story students summer take tell things think time titles topics tree trick try use want week winter words world write writing year

All of you who are whining and “just saying no!” to writing every day? What is so hard about writing? Granted, I may have more time on my hands than you do. All I’ve been doing over here is having sex with my husband and enjoying the new carpet that the carpet dudes installed.

Is that stopping me from writing? Nooooooo, it is not! I’ve posted seven or eight times already today. Follow my lead it is fun. You just have to start “borrowing” other people’s writing. Quotes, recipes, first sentences of novels and what-not.

I do not call this “thieving” when I “borrow” from someone else… no, no, no, I call it “paying homage.” Write on!

Writing is not hard; writing is easy! Here is Steve Martin to tell you why: (more…)

Did I mention that the carpet dudes are here, laying the new carpet? Hockey God stayed home to make sure they don’t lay me by accident. Heh heh heh heh heeeeeeeeee! (How does that joke go, anyway, “A guy goes over to lay this woman’s carpet…” No, it’s “A floor is just like a guy — lay it right this first time and you can walk all over it for the rest of your life.”)

Or… (stick with me here, I swear I’m going someplace with this…) “Soap” ha! I love you, Soap! I loved that damn show so much, I’ve seen every episode about ten times. If you’ve never seen it, go get it on DVD and have some good laughs.

I’m thinking of the episode where Jessica and Chester give marriage counseling a try. The minister who is supposedly counseling them flips out, rants and raves about his ex-wife, what a complete slut she was, “We were having new carpet laid. The installer apparently got confused about what he was there to lay…” Then he develops a raging crush on Jessica and can’t deal.

In walks the minister’s daughter (this episode had it all), Chester becomes obsessed with her and leaves Jessica. The minister’s daughter then leaves Chester.

“Why??” he asks.

“I found someone better.”

“Better how?”

“Better looking, better dressed, better in bed. Better.”

Chester: “Better dressed???”

The carpet guys just left — the carpet is perfect. A kind of wheat color — neutral, but not boring. Bright, and goes with the woodwork nicely, but not, you know, gray and stained like it used to be.

Better.

The following is from a school newsletter a reader sent along. To all the responsible parents, school staff, medical people, daycare providers, church staff, etc., Wacky Mommy says THANKS for dealing with your lice and NOT BEING A JERK, I appreciate it.

No, we don’t have lice again, but my head is still itching from last spring.

I recommend you save this letter, crib from it, and circulate it if and when you ever need to. May you never need to.

love,
WM

Head Lice

A Plan for EnLICEnment…

Hello parents and guardians of our beloved students! It’s head lice season. Hats, scarves, costumes, cuddly blankets and pillows. Warmth is good. Cuddling is good. Head lice? Not good.

There is a lot of misinformation out there for the parent – or teacher – who discovers the critters on the head of a child – or children. How did they get there? How do I get rid of them? Who can I talk to?

The answers are now being put out there for all to easily see!

Our school library now has four or five books for kids that teachers or parents can check out, to tell their kids about head lice. There are also a couple of books for caregivers explaining how to get rid of them. Soon there will be a binder with information in many languages that teachers can photocopy and send home with students.

Everyone and anyone can -and do- get head lice. They are persistent little pests. Getting rid of them is not as easy as just a shampoo – you must comb and comb and treat and comb some more, washing tons of laundry and putting non-washables in plastic bags and vacuuming and – whew! It is work; several days of hard work. There are many parents at the school
who have had to deal with it. Those of you who would be willing to be on a list, available by phone to help a newly nitpicking parent, please e-mail me, and I will make that list available. Then, when you are in the throes of it, you can call me or another mama and we’ll try to help.

Some brief info:

Not surprisingly, chemical shampoos actually may NOT work well, especially as directed. Contrary to myth, olive oil, coconut oil, tea
tree oil, and mayonnaise CAN work. This is good news for our environmentally-minded families! And there is more good news! You can actually take steps to prevent getting head lice.

The obvious things: don’t share hats, pillows, combs, hair ornaments, etc. (be sure your kid has bike helmet at school, for example, so they do not have to borrow).

The other things: use tea tree oil shampoo; when someone in your class has head lice, start checking your child each day for several days. Make a spritz of water with seven drops each tea tree oil, lavender oil, and rosemary oil, and spray your child’s hair – and your own – thoroughly and allow to dry. Smells good to humans – wards off head lice!

The district website, sadly, pooh-poohs the use of natural oils (which I can personally vouch for). This chart shows the efficacy of the chemicals out there: It may surprise you.

Head Lice to Dead Lice

For really good information, I also recommend:
Head Lice Info
Alt Medicine
Hints and Things
Harvard Edu

So… start prevention and detection now! Check your head, too! And TALK to other parents about it. The school district says that there should be no stigma about it, since anyone can get it; in the same breath they encourage ‘discretion’ so that kids with it don’t get made fun of! Discretion, shame, and secrecy only perpetuate the stigma. Let’s be informed. Use the books and materials in the library. Use natural oils. Call parents who have been through it. Don’t panic. Be enLICEned.

Thanks,

Responsible Mom

Quote any of these and everyone will think you’re a little smarty!

Have fun reading!

love,

WM

(I found these on Litline)

100 Best First Lines from Novels

1. Call me Ishmael. —Herman Melville, Moby-Dick (1851)

2. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. —Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813) (more…)

You will find it’s never too late to plan for the rest of your life, even if you’re not going anywhere over at Grasshopper. It’s the last post I will be writing for them — life has gotten too damn busy here, and I don’t want to do it half-crocked.

Well, I would like to do it half-crocked, actually, but how can I get there on half a glass of wine? I want the entire bottle or I want nothing. Understand, heart? No, it’s okay. I’m a big girl.

I’ve found a few ways to trick myself — virgin Bloody Marys (that just sounds so wrong), herbal tea, decaf coffee.

And half a glass of wine.

“It’s a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses. Hit it.”

— The Blues Brothers
(Titania was in a “blue” mood)

I would love to leave this messy, half-packed house behind for a week and hit the road with my husband and the kids. Would love that. Maybe the carpet guys will come over and move all the furniture for us and we can go? (We’re getting new carpet this weekend! Not for us — for whoever we sell the place to. So they can say, “Jeez-US! This carpet is ugly — who would pick this color?” It’s kind of a taupe, kinda wheat color? Neutral but not boring.) Then they will spend much $$$ tearing out carpet and putting in laminates. Or hardwoods, if they have that kind of cash. Or maybe under the plywood upstairs they will find… oak!

(They can dream, can’t they?)

Even more than the carpet situation, the carpet situation which is going to consume our entire weekend and on into next week, this fantasy hinges on us having enough cash to do what we want, where we want, without having to worry about work, vacation time, depleted PTO, kids who are in school. And you my dear, beloved readers, would say something like “Girl disappeared! Huh. She’ll be back later…” so I wouldn’t have Blog Guilt. (Those of you who blog, do you have guilt for not updating? I do, sometimes.)

Top Picks if We Were to Pack Up and Go Right This Minute:

* Disneyland!
* Vancouver, B.C.
* to see the grandparents, first in Denver, Colo., then in Iowa City, Ia.
* MEMPHIS!
* New. York. City!
* Kelowna, B.C., sez Hockey God

Thelma: “Are you sure we should be driving like this, I mean in broad daylight and everything?”

— from the film “Thelma and Louise”

I believe I signed up for NoPoMoFoMamaLamaDingDongWriteEveryDay in November, The New Internet Sensation. I thought that what this meant was that at the end of November, somebody would send me, via Fed Ex, a nicely-completed, fully-edited manuscript, with my name attached, and an agent’s phone number. An agent who had already sold the manuscript for a healthy advance.

This is apparently not what NoPoMoFoMamaLamaDingDongWriteEveryDay in November is at all.

Dammit, I really need to read the fine print from here on out.

And figure out how to use BlogRolling so I can get my blog listed on the website.

Farewell,

WM