We sent our kids back to school yesterday for the first time in two weeks. My son, my husband and I have not had… I can’t say the word anymore. The situation. We have not had the situation do a little merry buggy dance on our heads. Although if you asked anyone at the school or in our neighborhood, they’d tell you, oh, yeah, they all four had it, it was terrible.

No, it has just been one problem scalp here.

My girl — my girl who refuses to let us shave her head, or clipper cut it — my girl has been clear of the situation since Tuesday, April 10th. That’s when she was clear of adult bugs, nits and anything resembling them. My girlfriend L, and really, God love her for doing this, picked eggs off my daughter’s head on Monday, April 9th. She had a couple of dead nits on her head on Friday, April 13th.

So technically, as of yesterday a.m. we have been “situation-free” for thirteen days. That’s 13. Can I say that more LOUDLY? Almost two weeks. We were in okay shape. I thought. I combed through her hair yesterday with tea tree oil, found nothing, braided it and sent her off. The school secretary (because our school nurse is only there two days a week) checked her out, thoroughly. All clear.

She comes home with an adult louse on her head, several nits and lots of eggs. (The Internet, in unison: Duh.) The principal refuses to check heads, refuses to send a “we have lice” letter home, (although they did send home a generic “here’s what to do if you have them” letter), refuses to pick up the phone and call parents.

We’re not going back to school this year.

“And how in the world can the words that I said/
send somebody so over the edge/
that they’d write me a letter/
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing/
or my life will be over”

— Not Ready to Make Nice
Dixie Chicks

I’ve loved the Dixie Chicks since the first time I heard “There’s Your Trouble” in 1998. My favorites for country music are… (more…)

Once again, the kids and I are doing TV Turn-off Week (April 23-29). This is our fourth year! And once again, it’s Stanley Cup play-offs, so my husband gets a pass to watch hockey. And celebrate 4:20. Damn, update that blog, dude.

That’s fair, I’m thinking. Hockey is different. I mean, hockey, hockey, hockey!!! (The kids and I don’t join him.)

I’m also thinking… “No Grey’s Anatomy???” Good thing there’s not a No Blogging Week. (Yes, I realize we should try for no computer time, too. But my kids don’t often play computer games, so that’s no big loss for them to go without. And blogging saves my sanity — what little of it is left. Plus, writing is my source of income. And Hockey God is a computer guy, so keyboarding = $$$ at my house. So don’t try to take our keyboards away!)

Are y’all doing the no TV thing at your houses?

Can you even deal with another post on lice? The whole thing — the social stigma, the health consequences of kids getting pesticides dumped on their heads over and over (pesticides that don’t always work. The nurse I talked with says there is a lot of concern among the traditional medical community because the pesticides — Rid, Nix, etc. aren’t strong enough for whatever SuperLouse is out there)… my anger at parents who intentionally send their kids to school lousy. Who refuse to pick up the phone and say, “I’m sorry, but my kid has lice, and we didn’t know when we came to your place for the sleepover/playdate/birthday party…” My anger at the school district and the staff, for letting this problem get out of hand. ONE KID CAN INFEST A WHOLE CLASS, SEE? I am no genius here, but one goddamn louse is all it takes.

(more…)

You know how you meet some new friends (maybe potential new friends, let’s not be presumptuous here) and you’re all, Oh! Go look at my blog — send me an e-mail and we’ll try to get together. And then you remember — right.

We’ve had lice for the last two weeks — as you know, because I won’t shut up about it. But at least I’m not going on and on about Wacky Dog, or my Late Father. So that’s something! (And technically, we’ve been bug-free for about a week. However, we have to pretend like we still have it and panic, treat away for two more weeks. Because you never know. And it’s enough to make an OCD person such as myself get more wacky-cuckoo than she already is. Can you relate?), well, can you? Probably not.

Then you realize HA! These new (potential) friends, with their cute little guy who looks just like Wacky Boy and is so sweet and funny, and they live in your old neighborhood, where you grew up, which is sooooooo cool — anyway. Why would they want to hang out with you, ya Lousy Wacky Family? I mean, get real.

(Note to self: Stop sharing blog address with random strangers. Especially if they’re nice.)

(and I would like to add:)

yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar yar

Oh, that’s right. It’s almost Thursday here.

Without further ado, Wacky House presents…

Why My Mom Is So Great
By Wacky Girl

13. She’s funny.

12. She’s nice.

11. She’s cool.

10. She likes to play with me. (But she writes too much. “Like now!” Wacky Boy, yelling from across the room.)

9. She bakes excellent cookies. My favorites are chocolate chip and Mexican Wedding Cakes.

8. She takes me to places, like Finnegan’s!

7. We like to garden and play in the yard.

6. In the summer, we have “dive-in movies.” (We set up the laptop on the patio table and the kids swim in the wading pool. Free and easy. WM)

5. She reads Nancy Drew with me.

4. She likes some of the things I do, like watching TV and playing games and reading books.

3. We play Girls Club.

2. We both love chocolate.

1. Sometimes on Easter, we eat chocolate bunnies and racecars, broken up into a bowl of popcorn, while we watch Eloise movies.

(This was her idea, I swear! And how sweet is this kid? Sweeter than a chocolate bunny, that’s for sure. WM)

from Zip:

“The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.”
— anon.

(Unless you’re me, then there’s always a Beastie Boys song playing somewhere in the background.)

Homeschooling, Day 8:

(more…)

Reviewed today:

Dear Principal of Lousy School:
Yes, I know that y’all miss my kids. Thanks for the call yesterday. They are well-behaved children and don’t cause a ruckus. But you gave us lice. We might come back next week, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. In the future, please send home a letter when you are lousy. Or at least call. Or at least check heads. Anything less is… irresponsible. Which is not a skill we want to learn at school or at home.

Here’s to being a grown-up,
WM

(more…)

“love is not concerned
with whom you pray
or where you slept
the night you ran away
from home
love is concerned
that the beauty of your heart
should kill no one.”

“Love is not concerned”
Alice Walker

My husband — you may know him as Hockey God — did a nice photo essay on his blog. You should go check it out. And yes, I did say that about the Catholic church. Because I’m sick of all my snobby friends saying, “Well, at Cathedral/Holy Cross/Madeleine School/Holy Redeemer… etc. We don’t have those kind of problems.” (Lice, sex abuse, child abuse, meth monkeys, teachers who abuse kids…) Liars! You do so. You just cover it up better. Only, not always.

And from Whoorl and Snackie’s World (“Where Everybody is Bitchy and Nobody is Getting Licked!”), today’s meme:

1. Hey baby, what’s your sign? More importantly, do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
Cancer, on the cusp of Gemini, with Sagittarius rising. Really, I think this explains it all. Yeah, and I was born in Year of the Dragon. Wacky Girl is Virgo and Perfect, Wacky Boy is Aries and Insane, Hockey God is double Sag with Scorpio Rising or something and Trouble. Of course I believe in astrology.

2. If you were offered a million dollars to never wear lip gloss again, would you take it?
Yes, because “chapstick” is not “lip gloss.” Ditto “lipstick” is not “lip gloss.”

3. Which blogger would you like to trade lives with for just one day and why?
Nothing But Bonfires, because geez, who wouldn’t want to be Holly?

4. Do you want to have more children or have you not thought that far ahead yet?
Ha, ha, ha! You’re funny! Yeah, they’re cute until they bring home lice. Then they’re not that damn cute anymore. No, we’re done. No more kids, no more dogs, no more lice.

5. And finally, the most important question of the day: mayonnaise or Miracle Whip?
Mayo. But only on our hair.

PS — Whoorl was much more imaginative about this than I was. I’m just in a hurry. Laundry and all. Week Two of the Louse: More Cetaphil on hair; bed pillows, quilts, blankets on hot cycle in dryer for half an hour; sheets, towels and coats through laundry; entire house vacuumed again; and me, oh my! I even found time to plant cosmos, pansies and hollyhocks with the kids. (My husband is doing the vacuuming. With our new fancy purple Dyson vacuum cleaner. The man is a saint.)