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Later, CAT Scan

May 15th, 2006

Let me preface this by saying, I really hate puking. Yeah, like anyone enjoys puking, eh? But some people, they get the flu, or hungover, or pregnant, and eh, they puke. No big deal. You puke, rinse your mouth, brush the teeth, feel all better.

Some people just stick the finger down the throat and they’re good.

I am not one of those people.

I got carsick constantly as a kid. I still get carsick now, as a matter of fact. It is one of the huge embarrassments of my life. I get carsick driving across town, even, especially in stop and go traffic. Sometimes even when I’m driving. Neat trick. It’s not that I can’t throw up because it repulses me or something (although it is gross, duh), it’s just that when you spend a majority of your travel time (on the bus, on a boat, in trains, planes, automobiles) feeling like you have to throw up? Well, if I threw up every time I’m nauseated I would be non-stop vomitorium.

Nice image. Sorry. The point is, puking freaks me out, because I got made fun of all the time by the various church people whose vans I was riding in as a child. “Oh, those poor little half-orphans!” (That would be my sis and me.) “Did you know since their dad died they don’t go to church? We must take them!” Yep, that’s me. Sitting waaaaaaaaay in the back of the van, trying not to puke.

“Mrs. Church Lady, I need to ride up front. I get carsick. I feel carsick right now.”

“No, you’re fine back there. You just want the front seat, don’t you, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, I do. Cuz I get carsick. Didn’t my mom tell you?”

Yep, after throwing up in her car twice, she let me have the front seat. As did the other evil do-gooder church lady who dragged us hither and yon. Amazing. Anyway, to those of you who think that carsickness is a weakness, or I can get over it, or if I just travelled more, in busses down bumpy roads in Mexico, maybe, with the dust and the chickens flying, and I’d get over it then. Yeah! Mind over matter! Buck up! I’ve never been carsick a day in my life, ya puke! Yeah, to you I say, “Fuck you.”

I’ve tried. I’ve failed. I get carsick. So when I get the flu it is a special kind of mindfuck cuz I’m telling myself Don’t throw up don’t throw up don’t throw up. And once you throw up, you feel all better and you think, like an idiot, “Why was I trying to not throw up?” Even when I’m leaning over the sink, gagging, I. Just. Cannot. Puke.

Fucking vomiting, how I hate you. To give you an idea of how much of a dilemma this is for me, I spent all but two months of my pregnancy with WG morningsick. I mean, like, unable to eat a plain slice of white bread, getting dehydrated, losing weight weekly for the first six months morningsick. I puked twice. Two times. With WB, I was sick, but not as sick, thank God, and puked zero (0) times.

Which leads me to yesterday. Mother’s Day. Wherein I spent the day puking, trying not to, feeling like I had to, not being able to hold down broth or water, etc. Wacky Dee and the kids made the day nice, of course. As nice as it could be. Wacky Girl gave me four (4!!! That is love) cards, including one she did at school with oil pastels that had a little baggie of flower seeds attached and a poem about watching them grow as our love grows. I was bawling, you’re right. I love that girl.

Wacky Boy gave me a card with his favorite on it — a “puppy-wuppy.” (I can’t wait til he’s all big and tough and I’ll remind him that he used to yell, “Awww, Mommy, look at that cute lil puppy-wuppy!” every time we saw a dog.) I love that boy.

Wacky Dee made me breakfast in bed. Which I threw up. Sorry, babe. And gave me a funny card and a journal, and let me watch “Desperate Housewives” and most of “Grey’s Anatomy” while he put our office back together. And yes, he’s the kind of guy who will hold your hair back while you’re puking. I love him so. (Did I mention that THE CONTRACTORS ARE GONE, GONE, GONE? Because they are, and I am so happy.)

We were going to go for a hike, or to watch the sea lions eating the salmon at Bonneville Dam, or something fun and family-oriented like that, but no, cuz of the puking.

“Sorry it’s been such a lousy Mother’s Day, you guys,” I told them.

“No it hasn’t,” WG said, “It’s been great!” I love them so.

A special Mother’s Day greeting goes out to an acquaintance of mine, who does not read this blog, who left her criminal-element husband and is rebuilding her life. Again. I love you, even though you’ll never read this. She knows it, though.

And no CAT scan til next week, cuz of the vomiting and all. Neat trick!


  1. politicallyincorrectmom says

    My husband, one kid and I all get car sick too. And I’ve travelled A LOT. Airplanes are the worst for me. Sorry you had to spend your Mothers Day puking, that sucks.

    May 16th, 2006 | #

  2. Wacky Mommy says

    Thank you for the kind words, Staci. I’ve used Sea-bands before, they help a little. Dramamine makes me woozy — I keep meaning to try the non-drowsy kind. I guess the only thing that really stops the nausea is falling asleep! So that’s the whole point of most of the medicines. (The New Yorker ran a great science article two or three years ago about morning sickness and motion sickness, The Great Mystery of It All. I can’t find it in the archives, but it was pretty interesting.)

    Meclazine is OK and doesn’t make me as groggy as the Dramamine. And… ginger ale, 7-Up, saltines — yeah, they’re a little bit of a comfort, but no cure. Has anything worked for you guys?

    Can’t wait to read your review of the Caitlin Flanagan book. I read an excerpt (again, in the New Yorker) a few months ago. I’d like to read the whole thing, though.

    May 16th, 2006 | #

  3. politicallyincorrectmom says

    That’s interesting, because I had REALLY bad morning sickness too. Especially the first time around. Here are some of the “remedies that aren’t proven to work but we swear work for us,” My husband swears that eating an apple always helps him feel better. We also take Dramamine. So on an airplane Husband, 4 year old and me are all passed out while 2 year old does God knows what… Also we swear that eating a good and solid amount of protein before travelling helps. And instead of saltines, try nuts. I know they sound awful at the moment of nausea, but they are the reason my morning sickness the second time around was not as bad as the first. I never tried seabands, though I had a brochure for them once.

    I finished the Flanagan book and I recommend it, but it’s a head-scratcher. The review is up now, come and tell me what you think.

    May 16th, 2006 | #

  4. mama kelly says

    I feel your pain I get car sick all the time
    and as I’ve gotten older I have also developed a tendency for migraines which also make me go heave-ho

    May 23rd, 2006 | #

  5. Wacky Mommy says

    I’m thinking about becoming a Realtor, mainly because it’s the only profession where you get to capitalize your title and put a ™ after it. Wacky Mommy, Realtor ™. Imagine! (Wacky Mommy, Prostitute ™. Imagine! See? Totally doesn’t work.) But you know how much DRIVING IS INVOLVED in real estate? So is this a stupid idea? Tell me, Internet. I mean, the Realtors ™ mainly do the driving, right? Cuz I’m fine (mostly) if I’m driving and have a 7-Up with me. I am nuts about houses, I’m not kidding. And am such a moody girl I think I’d do well in this field. “Yes! This house! You must have it!” Followed by, “Well, sorry it fell through. Hey!!! This house is BETTER! You must have IT!” I think it would work well with the family life schedule, too. This could get me out of a lot of weekend soccer games…

    (By “family life” I guess I am meaning “avoiding family life.”) Will keep you posted…

    May 23rd, 2006 | #

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