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His Name is Wacky Dee and He is Not Funky

June 12th, 2006

Why does my husband hate Prince? I love Prince. Going back (waaaaaaaaaaaay back) to his first album. And second. And third. And now, 3121 his, what, three thousand one hundred and twenty-first album, right? Which is why he numbered it that? (That sentence is so ungrammatically correct.)

It sounds like old Prince and I love it. It sounds like new Prince and I love it. Here’s the main reason I’ve always loved Prince: When You Were Mine….

“I never cared (didn’t care)/
I never was the kind to make a fuss/
When he was there/
Sleeping in between the two of us…”

…which honest to God I listened to about eight million times in a row when I was 18. OK, I still listen to Prince, old and new, all the time now. I am an addict, are you happy? Now you know. That, along with, you know, Erotic City.

“All of my purple life/
I’ve been looking for a dame/
That would wanna be my wife/
That was my intention, babe”

Prince is funny! And funky! And he makes you want to screw! What else do you need in a song, damn. So I’m attaching Wacky Dee’s review of the new album, sent in a private e-mail to his friend Extremely Wacky T, who lives in Minneapolis. (Edited to say: Excuse me — he prefers “Hockey God” to WD.)

T told me that when he moved there they made him sign a pledge devoting lifetime allegiance to Prince. He was already a fan and said “YES WHERE DO I SIGN?” That, to me, IS REASON ENOUGH TO BAIL ON PORTLAND, ORE. AND MOVE TO MINNEAPOLIS.That, alone, is reason enough for WD to say NO to Minneapolis. Based on this, I have no qualms about publishing my husband’s personal e-mails. Huh. Is that wrong? “LITTLE JAPANESE IMPORT CAR” MY ASS, WD.

Prince is a 1959 Chevy Impala with fuzzy dice.

Here’s the e:

Okay, I listened, so now can I criticize?

If they all sounded like Get on the Boat, I’d like it. Unfortunately, the rest of the album is a mixture of fluffy 80s synth throw-back and watered down R&B/soul. Barry White he is not. Hell, Prince of the 80s he is not, at least not without Wendy and Lisa.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against androgony per se, but his music has always seemed a little weak in the bottom end. Not enough oomph and kick. Now that’s fine, if you like that kind of thing. He’s got that kind of baroque airy-faerie thing going on, which I suppose appeals to homosexuals and women and adolescent boys. It makes me think of a little Japanese import car with spinny hubcaps and neon ground effects and lots of blinky lights and a spoiler wing so big you think it’ll tip the car over. Compare this to, say, the tricked-out ’72 Cadillac that is any seriously funky act of the 70s (like Parliament, e.g.) and you’ll understand my take on Prince.

Obviously he has plenty of acolytes who demonstrate a religious devotion on par with anybody in the world of pop music (save perhaps Dylan or the Grateful Dead). You can’t argue his supposed genius with them; it’s a forgone conclusion. But I can say this: I’ve never cared for his persona, which is the main thing he has for sale. Anybody who has to say “My name is ____, and I am funky,” probably isn’t.

But look, my friend, I don’t like pop music in general, with very few exceptions.


  1. Himself says

    A couple corrections:
    # My name is not Wacky Dee, and I have been accused of beeing funky.
    # I take back what I said about Prince appealing to homosexuals. I thought about it, and I don’t know any gays who like Prince. So I guess that leaves women and adolescent boys, and perhaps grown men “treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality.” (Bonus points if you can place that quote.)

    June 13th, 2006 | #

  2. Wacky Mommy says

    Oh, yeah, that’s better. Durrrrr…

    June 13th, 2006 | #

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