Hello, my name is Wacky Mommy and I’m a frickin’ blogging addict. Yes, it’s true. I need to make amends to all of you, oh, wait, NO I DON’T.

You come here willingly. I have not coerced a one of you. Except Zip. And my sister. And my mom who, hello? NEVER READS MY BLOG because she is TOO BUSY HAVING A LIFE or some such nonsense.

Mom: “Did you post it on your, what do you call it? Blog thing? That’s nice, sweetie. I keep meaning to read it.” My mothers-in-law (?? how do you say it? I have two) also don’t read it; I believe my father-in-law does.

If my daughter had a hott hott hott blog like this one you bet your sweet ass I’d read it. And post recipes. And sex tricks. (Did anyone Google “backwards cowgirl” or are you all just so hep you knew what it was already?) And anything else that I could think of to embarrass her. My point: You know my best friend, Rockstar Mommy? Her post today was about people who are blogging addicts, her secret wish to blow up her site, her desire to go away with her studly husband (why do so many of us bloggers have such extremely good-looking husbands? Mine looks like George Clooney. With hockey skates on. Also, he has a sexy voice. When he calls me from work I get a little ga-ga — even after almost 10 years together… awwwww, okay stop puking).

But I digress. RSM was talking, yeah, a hotel with wi-fi… and I’m thinking, yes, of course, top priority then WHAT AM I, NUTS? (Don’t answer.)

I’m taking a small vacation from blogging. Her post brought this on. That is the kind of control this woman has over me, all the way from the opposite coast. I feel a kismet with her, though, cuz I watch “The Sopranos” so much.

Cuz I’m sure that RSM’s life, like mine, is pretttttty darn close to Carmela’s. Yep. Homemade ziti, manicures, Mercedes wagons and all.

So I will live some kind of non-computer life here. Maybe go swimming? Or read a book? Or read books to the kids? WTF?

Yesterday Wacky Girl grabbed the mouse from my hand and started beating the keyboard tray with it, cuz she wanted me the hell OFF the computer. Subtle. She is a subtle child. So I asked her just now, how many weeks I should take off from blogging, one? Maybe two?

She held up three fingers and left the room. One week it is.

Upon my return, I’ll tell you stories ’til you throw up. All about Wacky Cousin’s wacky baby shower, my crazy neighbor’s hyena dog, sex tricks, my other crazy neighbor’s hideous Rottweiler, my impressive gardening skilz, my friends’ visit from Africa and much more.

Ciao,

WM