People are assholes. Not you, obviously. But in general? Assholes.

Peace,

Love,

WM

10/31 Edited to say: Happy Halloween, everyone! Still on vacation from blogging, but wanted to wish you happy holidays. For me, Halloween, not Thanksgiving, is the beginning of the holiday season, so bring on the fudge and eggnog, dammit. We’re going as a devil, a surgeon, an angel and a fairy princess. Who’s who, do you think? I’ll re-open comments in case you want to guess. We’re handing out little containers of Play-Doh (even to the big kids), Reese’s, M&M’s and whatever Costco candy I haven’t already eaten.

Thank you for your kind e-mails, especially the ones regarding your obsession with my past usage of the word “dork” as a nickname for “penis.” Who knew people were writing so many research papers and erotic novels about this? It warms my heart, really. The cockles of it.

From a reader:
Dork
(1) Noun. Someone who is not cool. ie. “Bill Gates is a real dork.”
(2) Noun. A penis. ie. “Stop playing with your dork and get out here.”

Dude
(1) Noun. Someone who is cool. The opposite of a dork.
(2) Excl. A greeting. Used with a close friend that is considered cool. ie. “Dude!” Origins of this context word can be traced to California. It was originally used in reference to a horse’s penis.

I’m sort of re-thinking what I want to write about here and how, after this situation.

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Hello, Thursday Thirteeners. How about my Thirteen Favorite Movie Scenes, ever? And awaaaaaaaaaay we go!

1) “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” when Audrey Hepburn yells “Timberrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” as the big drunk lady topples.

2) “Slapshot” — how to choose just one? Top favorite: Paul Newman: “That’s great. Why should she give a shit what people think? She’s just scrappin’.” Second favorite scene: when the team’s manager asks Paul Newman: “Reg! Do you see this quarter? It used to be a nickel. Now, the golden years are behind you.” (Does that line make any damn sense? It does not.)

3) “An Officer and a Gentleman,” when he carries her out of the stinkin’ factory.

4) When Ruth Gordon goes careening around in the hearse in “Harold and Maude,” and doesn’t know it’s Harold’s car that she’s stolen until he tells her.

5) In “The Night of the Hunter,” when the old lady, played by Lillian Gish, is sitting in the rocking chair, guarding the children with a shotgun — “It’s a hard world for little things.”

6) “The Last Waltz,” when Robbie Robertson and Rick Danko start craning their necks around, looking for the birds, while Neil Young sings, “…big birds flying/across the sky…” And Joni Mitchell singing, “Coyote” — “Now he’s got a woman at home/He’s got another woman down the hall/He seems to want me anyway…”

7) “Yours, Mine and Ours,” the original, when Lucille Ball gets so drunk she can’t stand up.

8) “The Crow,” when the lovers are reunited.

9) Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby having a sandwich together in the middle of the night in “White Christmas.”

10) When Jimmy Stewart flips out (“Why do we have to have all these kids?”) in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” and in the end, with Zuzu’s petals. And the angels getting their wings. And his wife and family and friends love him so much. He didn’t know! How could he not know? Get me a tissue, would you?

11) “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,” everytime Elizabeth Taylor walks in the room. Meow…

12) …and “Giant,” everytime James Dean walks up. Grrrrrr…

13) And, last but not least, “The Aristocats,” when Duchess and O’Malley first meet. Oh, love. Don’t you love love?

The dog is an assclown.

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Because nothing says “Tuesday” like a Gandhi quote:

“Seven blunders of the world that lead to violence: wealth without work, pleasure without conscience, knowledge without character, commerce without morality, science without humanity, worship without sacrifice, politics without principle.”

— Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)

No recipes today, sorry. But here is a good article for you to read:

Rosie O’D on The View, by one Melanie McFarland.

It’s a good article. But I’m wondering, why are they (the network execs) not offering us our own TV show? We are coffee-klatching like crazy here. Can you imagine a roundtable with Our Lady of Amalah, Dooce, Zoot, and Rockstar Mommy? Round it out with an international perspective from Planet Nomad and a fiction writer like Leslie Gould (mom of four, military wife, active in community and still finds time to do her art). I could bring everyone coffee; I choke on-camera. Also, I develop nervous tics, or I stare at the red light like Cindy Brady.

Anyway — splendid idea, no? I guess physically getting everyone in the same room would present a little bit of a challenge.

It’s raining here. How is it there?

Some of you reportedly think I am Supermom of Universe. I would like to say something here — You are on glue.

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From last night’s episode:

Earl: “Van Halen started with two brothers. We could be Van Hickey! And Ralph.”

Ralph: “I bet if we played with real instruments, we could have sex with real girls! Yeah, rock ‘n’ roll, honey!”

Grey’s Anatomy, I love you so. Especially when I have insomnia and you, on tape.

Meredith: “Guilt never goes anywhere on its own. It brings its friends, doubt and insecurity.

McSteamy, to Callie, when her cell rings while they’re in bed: “That your boyfriend again?”
Callie: “I do not have a boyfriend.”
McSteamy: “Then why the guilty face?”
Callie: “You were sexier when you weren’t talking.”

A disclaimer: While I am a professional writer, I am professional in no other areas at all, medically, socially, academically or career-wise. Just ask the other PTA parents. Thus, this is not medical advice. Please check with your doctor or analyst if you need to.

If you have questions, please shoot me an e-mail. It’s not like I’m sleeping.

Love,
WM

Dear Wacky Mommy:

Signed,
Happy Mama

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For my Thursday Thirteen I present…

THIRTEEN THINGS I’D LIKE TO DO THIS WINTER

13. More bubble baths, with candles, bath fizzies and soft music.

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This one is from Zipdodah. Thank you!

Makes 8 servings

I took everything I liked best out of all the bean soup recipes I’ve tried over the years to come up with the following sophisticated and surprisingly spring-like dish. It tastes lighter than you’d expect, and can be adapted for vegetarians with no loss of flavor. It is also incredibly easy to prepare, because you don’t have to presoak the legumes or saute the vegetables.

2 cups dried white beans, rinsed (preferably cannellini, but navy also are good)
1 carrot, chopped coarsely
1 bulb fennel, cut in half crosswise then sliced thin
1/2 white onion, diced
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1 sprig fresh rosemary
1 sprig of fresh sage
6 cups chicken or vegetable broth
2 tablespoons Pernod, anisette or other licorice-flavored liqueur (optional)

Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste

Optional garnishes:
Thin slivers of prosciutto di Parma
Freshly grated Parmesan cheese
Chopped fresh sage leaves

Place all the ingredients in the slow cooker. Cover, turn on low, and cook for 10 hours. Adjust seasonings. Serve in bowls sprinkled with prosciutto, chopped fresh sage leaves and parmesan, if desired.

Not Winning Mother of the Year started it, and we obviously have some things in common. Tag you’re it — e-mail them to your friends if you have no blog. (No blog? You must start one today!):

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