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Friday Advice Column for Wacky Mothers & Others

November 5th, 2006

Back from break… Wacky Mommy, Superhero, to the rescue…

(A disclaimer: I am not a trained medical or mental health professional and this column is for entertainment purposes only. If and when necessary, please consult your physician or analyst.)

Dear Wacky Mommy:

My daughter’s swim meet was yesterday, and all of the parents were pretty much on their best behavior, except one mother, who was RUDE as hell to almost everyone. She literally threw the stop watch at my husband when it was his turn to time. She also had on Levis that were TOO low for her fat arse. Her big butt crack was hanging out all day. “EWWW!” “GROSS!” ….just a few of the words I heard from some of the swimmers.

What is the best way to handle parents like these?


Team Mom

Dear Team Mom:

Yeah, I’m with you. Why are the asses revealed never the ones I want to see? Funny, but you’re the third mom who’s asked me for advice on this lately. I whoop and holler when I see too much slingshot (thongs) or booty, because damn. If they’re not hearing the “EWWWWWW’s!” and “GROSS’es!” then desperate measures are called for.

I scream, “Kids, look away! My eyes! I don’t know where to put them!” I am not kidding, I actually do this. Life is too short to be subjected to ugly asscrack.

As for her throwing the stopwatch at your spouse — that’s bad teamwork, and as team mom, you should say something. Or have the coach say something. Maybe along the lines of, “Is everything OK? Because you’ve seemed a little stressed lately.” And don’t put her in charge of timing, next time.



Dear WM:

I need to get away, maybe for a spa weekend. Do you have any suggestions?


Little Tired

Dear Tired:

I am tired, myself. What a quincidence. How about we go here? Now we just need some cash.




  1. Zipdodah says

    “Too much crack makes you an ass.”

    I’m saving my pennies for the spa weekend…

    November 5th, 2006 | #

  2. edj says

    I’m very tired too! Can I come?

    And yes, one of the “highlights” of our trip home was the amazing amounts of body on display by people who would look a lot better covered head to toe in a muluffa!

    November 5th, 2006 | #

  3. Wacky Mommy says

    Yes, and by all means, let’s plan a Wacky Mommies Spa Weekend.

    November 5th, 2006 | #

  4. Jenny says

    I’m freaking exhausted. Can I come along and sleep in the car?

    November 8th, 2006 | #

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