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Hormones, I Hate You

July 16th, 2007

Dear Hormones,

I hate you. You suck. You have always sucked my entire life, since I “became a woman,” since I “started with the thyroid problems” since I “had the two 10-pound kids and reeled back, slammed against the wall, never recovering even five years later.”

Breast feeding? Pregnancies? Miscarriages? Bloodwork every two months because my thyroid is still out of whack, even though it was removed in 1992, when I was 27 years old and technically… Should. Not. Be. Causing. Trouble. Still.

Also, hormones, you mess with my writing and everything comes out crazy.

If it wasn’t for you, I’d be running for President, not Hillary Clinton. (Does she have hormones? I think not. Otherwise, Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky would be charred in a house somewhere, left behind as burn victims. She would claim to know nothing about it.)

Leave me be, hormones. I have things to do.

Hatefully yours, until menopause (and hopefully that will be the end of it),



  1. jen says

    Yes. Yes, I feel your pain. My thyroid is also FUBAR, and if PMS hits me this month like is has in previous months I may do something I may or may not regret. Depends on how much chocolate my Weight Watchers self-induced guilt will allow me to have. My hormones can take a flying leap, preferably with a messy splat at the end.

    July 16th, 2007 | #

  2. Mallory says

    How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her. Sorry, I just had to try to cheer you up. I had no idea you had a phantom thyroid! I knew you struggle with the girlie parts and I know that sux because I did all through my teens and 20’s till I had babies. That made me forgive my girl parts but yours are just being unforgivable. No wonder hysterectomies are some of the most performed proceedures. Wish I could make it better…

    July 17th, 2007 | #

  3. Daisy says

    Hormones, dementors, they’re the same thing. The cure is (usually) chocolate. And if it’s a small portion of dark chocolate, it can lower blood pressure.
    Oh, if only it were really that easy. Hugs to you…and good luck.

    July 17th, 2007 | #

  4. Zipdodah says

    No thyroid. No ovaries. No appendix. (Had to take the “happy to be organ donor” off my driver’s license)
    Endometriosis, Fibroids, Goiters, Dermoids – Sounds like a hormonal gang doesn’t it? They’ve all visited at one time or another, sometimes traveling together. I hit 45 and the Michelin Man decides to become a squatter around my middle.
    I really did think it was the Indian food I was inhaling twice a week. I’m thinkin if I stop eating it my tire my deflate? :-)
    I luv ya hormones and all WM.

    July 17th, 2007 | #

  5. WackyMommy says

    Ladies, you are the best.

    July 17th, 2007 | #

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