Excellent Blog
2007 Inspiring Blog
Rockin' Girl Blogger

General Hospital, through the eyes of Hockey God and Wacky Mommy

September 8th, 2007

I’ve watched General Hospital since I was 12 years old. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to have a favorite soap? I’m a housewife, what am I supposed to do — wax the floors? I’m sure you have a bad habit or two yourself, do not judge me. I tivo it, so I can skip the commercials and the boring parts. Lately? Nothing is boring. It’s been good.

My daughter, today, assessing what it is I do all day: “You don’t do anything. You write on the computer. You talk on the phone. Yeah, and you watch your soap. Once in awhile you cook. That’s it!”

me, thinking it over: “I sometimes take you to school.”

Hockey God says he will not watch GH. That he never watches GH. That GH is, in a word, stupid. This, from the man who plays hockey and finds school politics interesting. In fact, he knows most of the GH characters, often watches the show with me (albeit with only one eye open) and is here for your entertainment, re: the episode that aired Friday, Sept. 6, 2007:

(re: my crushes)
HG: “I can see why you have a crush on Josh Duhamel, but Jason? He kept the bad prison hair. At least he’s not as puffed-up as he was.”
me: “Everyone’s saying that Steve Burton (Jason) is doing steroids, who knows. I don’t think so. The character was in jail for awhile, got this bad hair, and it’s been downhill for him since. I’ve had a crush on him since he was a teenager. Well, he was 21, but he was playing a teenager.”

(re: Sonny’s new/old girlfriend, whose name I can’t remember. Katherine? Could be…)
HG: “She looks like a bobble-head alien. More bad hair! And bad make-up!”
me: “She’s supposed to be Sonny’s ex-girlfriend, from Catholic school. I like her.”

(re: Alexis, Rick and Trevor Lansing, Rick’s father, a “bad guy” who has suddenly appeared in Port Charles.)
HG: “That poor Alexis, she’s just been rode hard and put away wet on this show.”
me: “She looks good. She’s one of the only characters who’s my age.”
HG: “They just make her up to look bad. She’s not a bad-looking woman, she’s a good-looking woman, but they just make her look haggard.”
me: “Alexis, tell make-up to fix you up more better!”

(more on Sonny and his new girlfriend)
HG: “Slip her the tongue.” (Sonny obliges.)
HG: (makes the blugga-blugga-blugga sound you make when you’re imitating someone sucking face.)

(on Carly, Jax and his brother, Jerry Jax)
HG, in order, not pausing to allow me time to answer: “Why, if you had plastic surgery done on your face, would you have it done so you look like some weaselly little fucker? What happened to Jax’s accent? There’s his accent. And what the fuck’s up with the Bindi dot on his temple?”
me: “He got in a fight.” (thinking to myself, Carly is so pretty, dang. That top she is wearing is really elegant.)
HG: “I like the way that blouse hangs on her.”
me, thinking: Yeah, he has a way with words. Then (imitating Creed on “The Office”): “Yeah, swing low, sweet chariots.” (exact quote was: “Au naturale baby, that’s how I like ’em. Swing low, sweet chariots.” Jesus, Creed is such a skeez, isn’t he?)

(upon spotting, uh, Rick Springfield’s son, whatever his name is, who is also a doctor)
HG: “What’s wrong with his hair? They all have bad hair on this show. Who’s that nurse? She’s hot! And she doesn’t have bad hair. Oooooooh, there’s Lizzie again, I can’t talk. Bend over again, Lizzie!”

(back to Dr. Noah Springfield Jr.):
HG: “Who is he??? He’s got stupid hair. Not stoopid phat, just stupid.”
me: “Do people say ‘stoopid phat’ anymore? I mean, anyone other than white people.”
HG, doubtfully: “Yeah. I think so. There’s that hot little British nurse again.”

(re: Emily, Nicholas and Sam)
HG: “Who’s that girl?”
me: “Sam. Sam! Jason’s ex. They split up. You know her!”
HG: “Why’s she spying on Nicholas and Emily? Nobody fucking wears lamé… what the hell’s up with that?”
me: “‘Thanks for being such a good friend!’ Oh, Sam makes me sick.”

(moving on to Lizzie and Emily)
HG: “Lizzie looks like J. Lo. Just a little.”
me: “Yeah, you wish.”

(re: Trevor Lansing)
me: “I think he’s kind of rugged handsome. I hate Rick and his father hates him, too, so I like his father! Get it?”
HG: “Yeah, he’s got the kind of broken nose thing going on.”
me: “More handsome than Jason, and you know I’ve always liked Jason.”
HG: “I like that Carly, she’s got spunk.”

(end of show, a spectacular “big Elvis ending”)
HG: “Oooooooh, big special effects — flash of light. The car exploded when Jax unlocked it. He blip-blipped and then boom!”
me, non-plussed: “I don’t think that’s what happened. Who was that laying on the floor at Carly’s house? Jerry Jax?”
HG: “Dunno.”

(on Valtrex, the genital herpes ad that they run non-stop during GH:)
HG: (chortles and falls off couch.)


  1. Mallory says

    If the characters were real, they would need some serious Valtrex, what with all the bed hopping and tongue slipping and whatnot. I used to watch All My Children (because my mom did, um, yeah) from about age 5 till when my daughter was little. I would tape it so I didn’t miss it any everything. Then my tv broke and by the time I got a new one, I didn’t recognize the characters anymore and I decided it was stupid to like a soap so I went cold turkey. I miss having something little to look forward to, though. I also watched GH–I will never forget rescheduling camp so I would not miss Luke and Laura’s wedding! I think I never would have stopped watching if I had Hockey God’s commentary. Lucky.

    September 9th, 2007 | #

  2. Zipdodah says

    This is WAAAY better than watching the soap :-)

    September 9th, 2007 | #

  3. Jenny says

    What is really sad about this is that I don’t recognize 1/2 of the characters anymore.

    Do you remember when Ruby died in real life and they had a funeral service for her on the show and Bobbie came while recovering from plastic surgery on her face…..wish I was married to the plastic surgeon for the show.

    September 9th, 2007 | #

  4. WackyMommy says

    You know where Josh Duhamel started out? Pine Valley, that’s right.

    Always glad to entertain you.

    Yes, I do remember that episode well. I liked that Ruby, she was tough and funny. They don’t do enough with Mike’s character, IMHO. (Sonny’s estranged father — he run’s Kelly’s Diner now.) They don’t do enough with Kelly’s at all, come to think of it. They really should call the show “Sonny’s Hospital.”

    September 9th, 2007 | #

  5. BlackFriend says

    That’s so funny. My daughter walks through my bedroom last week and says “What happened to Jax’ accent?”

    I hate Elizabeth so I love Sam. I’m glad Jason is off whatver he was on but now that I YouTube old scenes and clips from the show he looks like HELL, comparatively. Nancy Lee Grahn is MUCH older than you IRL. I love Carly #4, cause she combines that best elements of Carlys 1 & 2.

    I miss Faith and Helena like nobody’s business. I want them (Faith returns fromt he dead) to pile Lizabitch, Emily, Robin, Spinelli in a vehicle and toss off em off a cliff. I want more Max and Milo.

    I want a real SL for the black characters, not banished to the ghetto that is NightShift on Soap Net.

    And I want Connie Falconeri to come back with big 80’s working Girl type hair. That Kate is an alternate personality or sumpin’

    September 10th, 2007 | #

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.