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Thursday Thirteen #113! You Know I Love Talking About Breasts

October 3rd, 2007

Thirteeners! And Usual Suspects!

Nan at Things I’ve Found in Pockets (good blog name, Nan) has requested that I write about…

Political topic please: breastfeeding and working mothers!

It has also been requested by several others that I throw things at Bill Maher. I’m a good aim and all, especially when I’m lactating and shooting milk around. But he would just duck, so what’s the point? Bill, to you I say — I make milk. What’s your superpower? To the rest of you I say…

Here are 13 reasons we need to give women some space:

1) Breast milk makes the world go ’round. All bow down to mamas. Mothers should be able to pump milk or nurse babies at work without getting hassled about it. And we shouldn’t get fired from jobs for morning sickness, because we’re out giving birth or (later) for having to take care of a sick kid. Thank you.

2) I am sick of people. No, not you. Unless you’re on the Portland Public School Board. Then yes — I am sick of you. And it’s so early in the new school year!

I’m also sick of you if you’re talking trash about Miss Rosa Parks or Mr. Cesar Chavez. So, so, so sick of you. (And God rest their souls.) And whoever gave me this cold? I’m sick because of you. (Blows a germy raspberry at them.)

3) Some of us females are so fed up with being treated like inferior idjits that we are cursing all the time. Like sailors, even. Would you like it to stop? Then let women breastfeed at work, at play, in bed, wherever and shut the fuck up, would ya? And…

4) We could use decent pay for our equal work, as long as we’re listing out reasonable requests. We could use paid maternity leave. We could use government-subsidized childcare, like they have in normal countries. We could use a few good men to scrub the toilets occasionally.

5) All give, no take, you know what I’m saying?

6) You can’t control me. I can barely control myself. You need to take a step back. Now.

7) Woof! Keep your dog on a leash, would ya?

8) “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”

9) Your mother was a woman. Pay some respect.

10) Your grandmothers were women. Pay some more respect.

11) Too many men causing too many wars causing too many mothers’ children to die. Now really — stop fighting and pay some respect. Silence is golden.

12) One word: Hormones-gone-wild.

13) “It appears to me impossible that I should cease to exist, or that this active, restless spirit, equally alive to joy and sorrow, should be only organized dust — ready to fly abroad the moment the spring snaps, or the spark goes out, which kept it together. Surely something resides in this heart that is not perishable — and life is more than a dream.” — Mary Wollstonecraft


  1. megs says

    Number six is my favorite. Wacky Mommy I love you. You are one Crazy Woman.

    October 3rd, 2007 | #

  2. Nicholas says

    Interesting list.

    October 3rd, 2007 | #

  3. Malcolm says

    I’ll admit it. Using the word “breasts” in the title of your TT caught my attention. I didn’t know what to expect before I clicked over. I esp. liked what you said about respecting mothers and grandmothers.

    October 3rd, 2007 | #

  4. Rims says

    Hats Off to you!! Well I do too believe that mothers of all – working mothers – need to get more respect and equal opportunity to work…
    Happy TT!!

    October 4th, 2007 | #

  5. Dane Bramage says

    Your right! Your T13 compliments mine. And I agree with much of what you say. I just invented a word. ACTATE, verb; showing ones breasts on film when the starlet has no other marketable qualities.

    Thanks for stopping by my 50th edition! 13 Tortures for Women I have Dated Because I’m NOT Bitter

    October 4th, 2007 | #

  6. homemom3 says

    Love #8! Happy TT!

    October 4th, 2007 | #

  7. Gloria says

    Especially when you’re lactating and shooting milk around…go wacky mommy! I approve highly of this hormone gone wild effect.

    October 4th, 2007 | #

  8. Mallory says

    A-Frickin’-Men, Wacky Sage! It is not the fault of womankind that society has chosen to sexualize babyfood. Cause those bodacious tatas you love so much? They’re baby food! And did you know that a survey was done of 160 countries in regard to paid maternal leave and all had it except 4- Papua New Guinea, Lesotho, Cameroon and (wait for it) US. Go, USA! Way to get beat out by Niger and Haiti and Sudan! Woot!

    October 4th, 2007 | #

  9. Moondancer Drake says

    You go on with your bad self my sistah! I am with ya all the way!

    I breastfeed both my kids and screw anyone who took offense. These breasts are mine to do with as I please. Not someones business to limit and put boundries on the magic I can do with my sacred feminine. My breasts were created to nurished my children not to be called dirty or sexual. I reclaim and love my breasts!!!!


    October 4th, 2007 | #

  10. J. Lynne says

    You know, there was a time when women were worshiped and there were whole civilizations ruled by matriarchies. What happened to that? Who do we talk to about getting that back?

    October 4th, 2007 | #

  11. Vixen says

    I shall show you tons of respect for this list WM! It is awesome!

    October 4th, 2007 | #

  12. Terry says

    Number 11 sounds like Sally Field at the Emmies. That’s good, because I love Sally Field. I’ve loved her since Gidget or The Flying Nun, whichever one came first.

    Of course, Norma Rae sealed the deal completely.

    October 4th, 2007 | #

  13. Damozel says

    You make a good case for it. I don’t understand why all the fuss; if you don’t want to look, just look away. It’s nature. Do these same squeamish individuals get upset at the sight of nursing kittens?

    I love Bill Maher, but I think there’s a good chance he’s like a lot of men: so obsessed with the form that he can’t deal with the function. After all, most of them think a couple of silicon bags is just as good as the real thing (sorry guys, but it is true).

    October 4th, 2007 | #

  14. Jenny McB says

    You go girl, boy you are on fire. All I can say is, I loved breastfeeding b/c it the food was always there. What’s not to like about it? Oh, that’s right, bare boobies, the only time in my life that mine were spectacular.

    October 4th, 2007 | #

  15. Tink says

    Great TT! I agree with you so much..
    Thanks for visiting my Tolkien TT.

    October 5th, 2007 | #

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