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a post regarding church and religion, and the Advice Column for Wacky Mothers & Others: My Kid Won’t Eat/My Co-Worker Won’t Stop Eating!!!

January 8th, 2008

Oh God said to Abraham, “Kill me a son”
Abe says, “Man, you must be puttin’ me on”
God say, “No.” Abe say, “What?”
God say, “You can do what you want Abe, but
The next time you see me comin’ you better run”
Well Abe says, “Where do you want this killin’ done?”
God says, “Out on Highway 61.”

Highway 61 Revisited
Bob Dylan

That isn’t my God, that God, by the by. My God is a friendlier, more compassionate, Higher Spirit kind of being. I haven’t written much about My Life as a Sunday School Teacher, have I now? You interested? (My sister: “No.” Hangs up phone.) How about school politics? (Picks up the phone, then slams it down.) I like teaching, and I especially liked it this past Sunday when one of my students, who showed up for the first lesson and hasn’t been spotted since (is it something I said?) showed up, smiley, knowing that I would remember him.

(I did.)

We talked about Sophia Fahs. Next week I’m teaching the lesson — it’s about Beatrix Potter. Both Unitarian girls. For snack, we always always always serve tangerines. Always.

And now, from the Q&A bag…

Advice Column for Wacky Mothers & Others
Dear everyone, I am not a trained professional; please seek help from a medical professional if and when you need it. Be well!

Dear Wacky Mommy:

Please help with any ideas you moms might have. My 6 yr. old daughter is the worlds pickiest eater, she only eats bagels, doritos, pizza, vanilla yogurt, pepperidge farm fishies, steak, and just recently discovered Bologna.


Dear HELP!!!!:
Give the kid some steak. Steak is good food! Unless you’re eating with my three vegetarians, in which case you’d hear, Ew, that’s from a COW? You killed a cow? Did you know you’re eating… Etc. So tiresome. Bologna? Not such a healthy choice, but an okay snack. Doritos? Do not keep Doritos in the house, thus they cease to become an option.

(I’m trying this strategy on fruit leather, cereal bars, candy and cookies, wish me luck.) Vanilla yogurt and pizza are two of our four food groups around here. I would try buying healthy stuff, as healthy as possible, and remembering this: It’s your job to fix the food; it’s her job to eat it.

Don’t worry, she won’t starve to death.

The eating issues drive me nuts, too. You’re not alone.



Dear Wacky:
I have a cubicle neighbor who eats lunch at his desk and smacks his lips. It just totally grosses me out. The smell of his cheap microwave food is bad enough, but to hear the smack smack smack that goes with it is just too much. It’s not loud, or anything, and I imagine he’s completely unaware anybody can hear him.

To make matters worse, he always eats early, around 11:30, so I’m almost always at my desk. I’ve taken to putting on headphones and listening to music while he eats, but I don’t like having to do this.

Should I confront him about this? If so, what should I say? Or should I just ignore it and do the headphone thing?

Grossed-Out by Lip Smackers

Dear Grossed-Out:
It’s always about the food around here, isn’t it? Honestly, I cannot think of a tactful way to tell someone “Stop smacking.” Unless you yell, “Stop smacking!” over the wall, but I would die of embarrassment if someone did that to me, wouldn’t you?

Wear headphones, or take an earlier lunch. Maybe take a break during his mealtime? Is he a fast eater, or a lingerer? Work: All of the same dilemmas and quandaries as home, but you have to obey some invisible code of respect. Even though “We’re family! We’re a work family!” Well, no. Not really. At home we just yell, “Stop smacking!” and call it a day.

Good luck.



  1. Qanzas says

    Wow! My late grandmother was born in China and the child of Methodist missionaries! She went on to re-write Methodist hymns in protest of the church’s positions on various social issues and mail them to Bishops around the country. Your class sounds fantastic. How ’bout some streaming video? I grew up in a progressive church. Our youth group was allowed to have Wiccans come in and speak, for crying out loud. (The leaders drew the line at Satanists. Worth a shot.) I’ve looked for a comparable congregation since, always coming up short. I was spoiled.

    And, you forgot the most important food group, Diet Dr. Pepper.

    January 8th, 2008 | #

  2. MommyTime says

    So, pizza and yogurt are major food groups around here too…and Son vies daily for candy to be a more important foodgroup than veggies. Here’s one recipe and some links to cookbooks with other ideas for picky eaters that might be of use. I’m not as funny as you are, Wacky Mommy, but maybe it will help. And apparently all your readers are related or something, since Diet Dr. P is in its own category in our house too. Weird, huh?

    January 8th, 2008 | #

  3. WackyMommy says

    Oh, if only I could stream it I would. No Satanists??? WTF? Your granny sounds fantastic. Always good to have a mission in life, so to speak. Ha.

    These people are all unrelated but it sure doesn’t feel that way. Thanks for the info.

    January 8th, 2008 | #

  4. edj says

    Of course Bob Dylan is not actually considered to be writing systematic theology…

    Speaking of which, did you see the new Dylan movie? Donn did. He’s a fan. Me, not so much.

    January 8th, 2008 | #

  5. Vixen says

    After a long addiction to Dr. Pepper throughout my youth and young adult years, I have developed an aversion to even the smell of it. Weird, huh?

    I just kept very, very little food around when the kids were little, that way they had choices: Eat it or starve.

    January 9th, 2008 | #

  6. melissa lion says

    The boy eats nothing. I have no idea why. But still he climbs on everything and draws on my walls. I loved DP and now I’m in Vixen’s camp. The smell of it makes my teeth hurt. I don’t believe that’s the case and sometimes I order it and then gag me, for sure.

    January 9th, 2008 | #

  7. Vixen says

    I will take your advise whether you want to give it or not!

    Oh by the way, check this out:

    January 9th, 2008 | #

  8. Qanzas says

    RE: DP

    I grew up loving it, drinking gallons and gallons. Then, I went through the gag reaction you all are describing for about 17 years. (Really!) Then, I had a craving, I had a DP, and I love it again. The prunes and I are back in love.

    January 10th, 2008 | #

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