Excellent Blog
2007 Inspiring Blog
Rockin' Girl Blogger

the kid is feeling a little better

March 27th, 2008

The antibiotics reportedly taste like “GRASS and DIRT! I hope you KNOW THIS!” says my son.

I do know one thing — if you’re yelling and complaining like that, you’re feeling better.

Will keep you all posted. Happy Thursday. Sorry 13ers — no list of my own today. But the whole trying to get the kid to take his antibiotics reminded me of this… I don’t know who wrote it, but it’s awfully funny. xo wm


1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby, place right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth, gently apply pressure to cheeks and pop pill into mouth, allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

(2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa and repeat process.

(3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill,take new pill out of foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand, force jaws open and push pill to back of throat with right forefinger, hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

(4) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and the cat from top of wardrobe and call spouse from garden.

(5) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore low primeval growls emitted by cat, get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth, drop pill down ruler into mouth and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

(6) Retrieve cat from curtain,get another pill from foil wrap, make a note to get a new ruler and repair curtains, carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from around the room and set aside for gluing later.

(7) Wrap cat in a large bath towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from the towel, put the pill in the end of a drinking straw, force mouth open with a pencil and blow down the drinking straw.

(8) Check label to make sure it is not harmful to humans, drink a bottle of beer to take taste away, apply plaster to spouse’s forearm and add carpet cleaner to shopping list to clean blood from carpet.

(9) Retrieve cat from shed, get another pill and a couple of more beers, place cat in cupboard and close door on to cat’s neck so head is just showing, force mouth open with a large spoon, and flick pill down with an elastic band.

(10) Fetch screw driver from shed and fix cupboard doors back onto hinges, have another beer, run out of beer so open a bottle of scotch, take a large swig, apply cold compress to cheek and check records for last tetanus jab, throw away torn and bloodied t-shirt.

(11) Ring fire brigade to rescue cat from tree across road, and apologise to motorist who crashed into a tree while trying to avoid cat, get last pill from the foil wrap.

(12) Tie the little devil’s front paws to the rear paws with garden twine, and bind it tightly to the leg of the dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of steak, be rough you will not be beaten this time, hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

(13) Consume remainder of scotch and get spouse to take you to the nearest casualty dept.

(14) Arrange for the R.S.P.C.A to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring the local pet shop to see if they have a hamster for sale.


(1) Wrap it in bacon


  1. miaone says

    Sitting at my desk laughing hysterically! Have not had to go this route with Avalanche yet, but if I do, I’ll have lots of wine on hand.

    March 28th, 2008 | #

  2. Vixen says

    That is why I am now a dog person!!!

    Tell the boy to eat his dirt, it will make him feel better.

    March 28th, 2008 | #

  3. nan says

    Oh lordy, I just spent the entire afternoon in tears, giggling over the cat/pill. I have emailed the link to the whole world. And I posted the link on my blog too, I hope you don’t mind! Hey, I know a lot of cat people!

    Thank heaven, the Splendid Vet does house calls!

    March 29th, 2008 | #

  4. nan says

    AND! How come little boys all KNOW what dirt and grass taste like?? Hmm?

    March 29th, 2008 | #

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.