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do you want to know what’s happening here? and a letter to Tatum O’Neal.

June 3rd, 2008

No, you really don’t. Believe me. It involves me getting a migraine and throwing up, then getting over it, going to work and trying to wrap up end of year at two schools (no, three) the two where I work, and the one my children attend. I have two offices at my schools and one at home and they are all three a mess.

A big ol’ mess.

Also, I could use a spa day.

The rest of my time revolves around my obsession/love for Friday Night Lights (Season Two, Now on DVD!) and the Wire (Season Three, scary as hell) and learning to play tennis and being so frustrated because goddamn — how do those pros do it? Tennis is hard. Keeping your eye on the ball is extraordinarily hard. But a good work-out for sure so that is cool.

Also, tennis makes me think of John McEnroe which makes me think of Tatum O’Neal and now, a brief letter to Tatum O’Neal, in regards to her recent arrest for a crack-cocaine purchase in New York City:

Dear Tatum,

I love you. I have always loved you since we were nine years old. Stop buying drugs. Stop doing drugs. Don’t kill yourself, you’ll regret it. Your children will hate you for it. I know. Tatum, I love you. Clean up your hand. No one wants to see you die young. Send me an e-mail, would you? You need a girlfriend, not crack.


Also, why do children “turn up the whine” end of May/beginning of June and then become relentless mosquitoes buzzing until September? All children, not just mine. Why?

Also, a lot of my time is now spent on Wacky Cat 3, who is such a handsome tuxedo-clad boy, but is such a big thug. He non-stop pounds and chews and claws my two older cats. Bad boy, Wacky Cat 3! Out he goes. Then he cries and promises he’ll behave. Comes in, gets a nibble to eat, and starts pounding the shit out of the older cats again.

Internet, can this family get some help, please? Tatum is not the only one having issues here. (Hey! Leave her some love notes in comments, why don’t you? Maybe she’ll stop by and see them.)

See? I told you. Dullsville, U.S.A. Prey for us, wouldja?




  1. Vixen says

    Dear Tatum,

    I understand life has been hard. Just being named something that makes everyone think of tater tots alone must have been impossible. I am only 10 months 2 days older than you, but obviously I have used that time to become much wiser than you. Since we were only 10 when you won that Oscar for Paper Moon, I didn’t see the movie until I was much older. But I did see Bad News Bears and you were great. Surely after all that you must have a bit of money left….So shoot WM an email and take her for a spa day. You could use a friend like her. She can help you get your shit together and you can help her clean her office(s). It’s a win-win situation and you both get a day at the spa.
    Your fan,

    June 3rd, 2008 | #

  2. Laura says

    Yeah. Summer just hit me with a ton of bricks and a case of strep throat (The Kid, not me). My only one tiny little goal for the entire week is to get my desk cleaned off and I’m beginning to doubt my ability to get it done.

    Dear Tatum: Stop it. Right now. Get help.

    June 4th, 2008 | #

  3. Zipdodah says

    Dear Ms. Tatum,
    I’m sorry you lost your dog. However, stuffing your pants with bags of crack cocaine are NOT a replacement for your beloved pet. How about adopting a rescue? Or better yet, why not work at an animal rescue? Put your time, money and effort into a postive change…PLEASE. You are not still “clean” as you put it. If you were sober you would not be searching the streets for baggies o’ sorrow.

    June 5th, 2008 | #

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