I was missing my family. My family I haven’t seen cuz I worked all day, then went to meetings, and just now got home.
I missed ’em right up until the point my son came at me with his Dad’s drill. His Dad’s drill that he found lying on the bench upstairs. Then his sister (who is 9, lest you have forgotten) said, “Put that fuckin’ thing down it’s a piece of shit.”
Internets, at that point I told them, all three of them, “I’m glad I didn’t see you guys all day because you all are crazy.”
In my day, if you found a drill lying around, you left it the hell alone because hello, you could hurt someone with that thing. Or they might make you do some remodeling or something and God knows, you didn’t need that, did you?
Also, if we had just gotten back from hunting, and my uncles, their buddies and my grandpa hadn’t had a chance to clean their guns, and the guns were scattered all over the kitchen floor (What? Well, where the hell do you keep your guns?)… here is what you did:
You stepped over the guns.
You did not pick them up, see? You stepped over them. Leave the drills alone, leave the guns alone, keep passing the open windows, it’s not that hard.
Here’s a story I told my kids the other night, about their great-grandpa, who died 11 years ago this week (my mom’s daddy):
When he wanted to get a kid’s attention, he would ask this question:
“‘What say we tell your folks about this?’ Well, no, he didn’t think that was such a good idea. Then I’d say, Son, I have a gun. You might’ve gotten shot. You wouldn’t have liked that, would you?” And he’d say, No sir, I guess I wouldn’t.”
(My kids: “He shot people?” Me: “Just to watch them die. NO, he didn’t shoot people. He just intimated that he would shoot them if they didn’t do what he wanted.” My kids: “Huh.”)
My grandpa was the rockingest dude. Just as long as you didn’t mess with him.
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