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thermometer said 111…

July 27th, 2009

…but actually it was only 100. At almost 7 o’clock at night. All of you people who now live in Portland and are actually from someplace else, someplace where they had lots of heat and “humididity,” who run around saying, Oh, I just LOVE this heat I just LOVE the sun I just LOVE this weather Portland is SOOOO PERFECT… really, stop saying that.

We Portlanders are just big wusses and don’t do well with anything over, hmm, dunno. Eighty-two degrees? Seventy-eight, mebbe? Ditto all you Portlanders who brag and smugly say, We don’t even need air-conditioning here, it hardly ever gets over 90 and it is only hot about two days out of the whole year the rest of the time it is just gorgeous… really. You need to stop saying that, too. I am the biggest baby in the heat, I hate love everybody especially you.

Steve, just now, “Let’s check the temp outside, then see if it’s time for another round of drinks.”

Oh, he is a pretty nice guy. Vodka lemonades on ice it is.


OMFG, as my son would say. Yes, my seven-year-old says OMFG. Don’t judge me — embrace me. No, don’t. I’m too sweaty.

We still can’t open up the house — it’s 10 degrees hotter outside than in. Why do I not have air, you ask?

“YOU’RE KILLING THE POLAR BEARS.” — my children, in unison

No, for real — it’s because our lameass furnace wouldn’t “support” an air-conditioner and we’d need a whole new one. To the tune of how ever many thousands of bucks I don’t happen to have. Window units? We’d need to re-wire, our wiring is that old. Yep. Embrace that.

Just got back from Night at the Museum 2, All Hell Breaks Loose at the Smithsonian, featuring more monkey slappin’, Amy Adams’ ass, The Thinker’s ass, and Hank Azaria’s large, beefy arms.

Not featuring Carla Gugino, aka the History Hottie, aka the Ben Stiller Love Interest, from the first movie. Apparently she’s too busy with her gig on Entourage to bother. Amy Adams was pretty good though, what with the voluptuous behind and all.

Ben Stiller kinda phoned it in. My kids didn’t seem to notice. The actor who plays his kid in the film should have had a bigger role, he’s a cool kid.

We had dentist appointments, all three of us. Air-conditioning. Then Flying Pie pizza, also air-conditioned. (And my solution to the whole “cooking issue.” This is Steve’s solution. Cheaper than mine, per usual.) Then the movies. Tomorrow we might just melt, but that’s the way it goes here, the land where it just never gets that hot.


  1. Steve R. says

    100 in the shade at 7pm, no breeze, and 87 in the house. Yeah, I’m embracing a friggin’ vodka lemonade and dipping my toes in the kiddie pool..

    July 27th, 2009 | #

  2. Zipdodah says

    107 here in Happy Rock (Gladstone) and we are MELTING!

    Here is a nice salad for a hot night…..

    Blueberry Spinach Salad
    (Just a note…I added some of my raspberries that I picked from the garden to the top of the salad, when tossed, the raspberries break up and make a nice addition to the salad….

    1/2 cup vegetable oil
    1/4 cup raspberry vinegar
    2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
    1 teaspoon sugar
    1/2 teaspoon salt
    1 (10 ounce) package fresh spinach, torn
    1 (4 ounce) package blue cheese, crumbled (can use feta)
    1 cup fresh blueberries
    1/2 cup chopped pecans, toasted

    In a jar with tight-fitting lid, combine the first five ingredients and shake well.
    In a large salad bowl, toss the spinach, blue cheese, blueberries and pecans.
    Add dressing and toss gently; serve immediately.
    Note: To toast pecans, preheat oven to 350°F. Lightly spray a baking sheet with cooking spray. Add pecans. Toast in oven until you can smell them, about 5 minutes. Watch carefully – they scorch easily

    I took this to a party with about 30 people..it was gone in about 20 minutes! So double the recipe, because everyone was complaining that they wanted more. To make it exrtra special, especially if you have an abundance of blueberries from the garden like we do this year, add this refreshing beverage to accompany this salad!

    Blueberry Mojito
    10 mint leaves, plus 1 mint sprig for garnish
    10 blueberries
    3/4 ounce Simple Syrup
    1 1/2 ounces gold rum
    1 ounce fresh lime juice
    1 ounce chilled club soda
    1 ounce chilled Sprite

    In a cocktail shaker, muddle the mint leaves, blueberries and Simple Syrup. Fill with ice, add the rum and lime juice and shake well. Strain into an ice-filled highball glass, top with the club soda and Sprite and garnish with the mint sprig. This recipe compliments of:
    St. Joe’s Bar
    Boisterous dive
    5535 Magazine St.
    New Orleans, LA
    NOTE: You can also substitute the simple syrup with Blueberry Vodka, or add it as an additional flavor to the recipe.
    Love you WM! Zip

    YUMSKAMIE! luv you WM……

    July 27th, 2009 | #

  3. Zipdodah says

    That phone number at the bottom of my post is for St. Joe’s Bar in New Orleans! It got tagged at the bottom of my post! Call or visit next time you are in New Orleans!
    They rock!

    July 27th, 2009 | #

  4. Lelo says

    At 10:30 last night, it was still cooler in the house than outside. This is totally Northern California hot weather. Hot! I promise not to say embrace the heat, but that blueberry spinach salad up there from Zipdodah? That sounds delicious!

    I feel sorry for the open gardens slated for today: I had several on my calendar but oh, I bet they’re just going to melt and wither and wilt. Poor things. Stay cool wacky mommy!

    July 28th, 2009 | #

  5. The Other Laura says

    Oh, you poor poor thing! I have lived in places that “never get that hot” and endured heat waves with no ac, no breeze, the kind where the fans are just mocking you, so I do so understand.

    It’s supposed to be 102 today here in San Antonio (35th day of temp in the 100s this year) but we are comfortably living with ac (and electric bills that make me weep). My advice, eat popsicles, sleep downstairs drink lots of water…

    July 28th, 2009 | #

  6. edj says

    I saw on the O’s web page some kids ice skating at Lloyd’s Center. They called it Kool Camp. One looked and sounded just like a young blonde version of YOU. It was surreal. And wacky.
    My advice? Move sllooowwwlllyyy, don’t let the kids near you (they are sweaty and sticky too), breath deeply and be patient. And zen like. And keep up the vodka lemonade or calypso coolers or what have you. And count the days till it cools down again.

    July 28th, 2009 | #

  7. Steve R. says

    I’m heading to the ice rink (Valley, not Lloyd) in about 25 minutes.

    July 28th, 2009 | #

  8. wacky cousin says

    Yep. Hate the hot. Embrace my ass. I’ve got ac in the bedroom, otherwise, I’d have slapped most of the people I know by now.

    July 28th, 2009 | #

  9. Doris says

    I am so relieved to know that your 7 year old says OMFG, because I respect the integrity of your wacky mothering, and now I feel a whole lot better about all the disgusting things my 13 year old says, because obviously it is not my fault…

    July 30th, 2009 | #

  10. WackyMommy says

    Doris, all of the credit, none of the guilt.

    July 31st, 2009 | #

  11. Doris says


    July 31st, 2009 | #

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