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there is no vodka in my Arnold Palmer

August 5th, 2009

For real. An Arnold Palmer consists of the following three items:

1) ice
2) lemonade
3) iced tea

The busgirl at lunch brought me a refill, only she just brought iced tea, not with lemonade. That’s fine, I’m cool with that, too. I handed it to my daughter (we always share, unlike my son, who doesn’t want any girl germs, no returns). She started to squeeze the lemon in, then looked at me suspiciously. I’m all, what?

The waiter panics, tells the busgirl it was an Arnold Palmer, oh my God she brought me the wrong drink! and swaps it out. (I didn’t even say anything, okay? Damn. Good service.) Wacky Girl gives me a sideways look, again.


“Is there vodka in this?”

“Honey, it’s an Arnold Palmer, no.”

My mom, “What’s an ‘Arnold Palmer,’ anyway?” She’s all, Sister from Another Planet, my mom. What is this iced tea/lemonade of which you speak? What are capers? What is marinara, exactly? You’re leaving for the beach right now? When did you plan this, anyway? Just now? What?


“Iced tea and lemonade.”

My daughter: “And vodka.”

“There is no vodka in there!” (I shove the drink at my mom.) “Here, try it!”

“Uh-uh, not if there’s vodka in it.” She and my daughter look at each other, knowingly.

“Baby. Would I give you vodka?”

My baby: “No. Yes. Maybe?”

It’s enough to make you mix a drink.


  1. Steve R. says

    Honey, do I need to stop by the liquor store on the way home?

    August 5th, 2009 | #

  2. Wacky Mommy says

    Honest to pete, no vodka! I’m fine, thanks.

    August 5th, 2009 | #

  3. WackyMummy says

    LOL! You can’t win. =)

    August 6th, 2009 | #

  4. wacky cousin says

    I am writing in the distinct hope that you still have “Rapacia:The Second Circle of Heck”.

    I really liked the first one. Also, there will be a birthday invite on the way to your house, for a party on the 5th of Sept. Will you be in town?

    August 6th, 2009 | #

  5. The Other Laura says

    This made me laugh out loud (can’t use the abbreviation, too old). Thanks!

    August 6th, 2009 | #

  6. Nan says

    Hah! Forcing vodka on small children and little old ladies!!!

    August 6th, 2009 | #

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