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September 2nd, 2009

Yeah, no one here will talk about it, for fear of offending someone’s “dog child,” but at least the New York Times dared to tackle the subject. Dogs are a frickin’ problem in Portland. They. Poop. All. OVER THE PLACE. Your dog does not have the same rights as my child, savvy? Besides, my kids are potty-trained and have been for quite some time. Your dog will never be potty-trained. Maybe you can train your pet bunny to use the commode, but the puppy-wuppy? Lost cause. Your dog is not your “child.” You did not birth that furry little poop machine. I know you love him. I know you “adopted” him. But it’s just different.

Aroooooooooooooooooooooooo! You know when I really went all postal on this? When we shared a duplex with a housemate who 1) refused to keep her large dog off the roof that was above our unit (she climbed out through the window and howled at the moon) (and the dog followed suit) 2) never “picked up” after said dog 3) boycotted mowing the grass.

“It is her birthright to have the yard!” (Landlord said we would “share” the yard. Haha to that.)

“Won’t all of the poo just decompose?”

Oh. Dear God. She was a trendsetter! This was ten years ago, but it was the beginning of the end as far as I’m concerned. Dogville, USA ever since then.

The newest trend? Take your doggy grocery shopping. Fun!

My favorite quote from the NYT story: “‘Usually they’ll hold off and not make a complaint until they’ve seen a dog urinate in the grocery store or jump up and try to swipe a pack of meat,’ said Vance Bybee, the head of the food safety division. ‘Or they’ve seen dogs pooping in the aisle, that sort of thing.’

‘That sort of puts them over the edge,’ Mr. Bybee said.”



  1. LRo says

    I’m going to preface my comment by saying I’m a dog owner. She is a well-loved member of our family, along with my husband, myself, our daughter and cats.

    That said, I totally agree with you. Arooooo, do I agree with you.

    Only the people in our family have the privilege of randomly exploring public places because only the people are potty trained. Our dog goes only to dog-approved walking paths, etc., and is always on leash. Dog doesn’t go places where children play (soccer field, playground, etc.) or to friends’ homes or to Home Depot or Saturday Market.

    And she doesn’t seem unhappy about us restricting her “freedom.” Because she’s a DOG.

    My Mom used to say (30 years ago) “People will let their dogs do things they’d never let their kids do.” She had a good point, bless her heart.

    September 2nd, 2009 | #

  2. wacky cousin says

    Huh. I forget that people are assclowns, I think. I NEVER let my dogs off leash. They’re little, and would get et by something big.
    If they were big, I wouldn’t let them off leash because that is an assclown thing to do.
    They are my kids, and I hold them to standards of behavior. Like leave other people and dogs the hell alone unless invited to say hello, and various and sundry other things. Like be f***ing polite, or I’ll smack you one.
    Also, if they crap somewhere they shouldn’t have, I scoop it.
    What’s so freaking hard about that?

    September 3rd, 2009 | #

  3. wacky cousin says

    And exactly, thank you, freedom isn’t really something I expect for my DOGS. Dogs don’t belong in grocery stores until they can figure out how to make my dinner.

    September 3rd, 2009 | #

  4. edj says

    Aroooo! You rock, WM! Portlanders drive me crazy with their dogs! It’s not the poop (France is way worse. So, oddly enough, is Rabat). It’s the attitude. Pit bulls not on leashes, owners telling me how friendly they are, and then me reading stories of children brutalized, attacked, scarred, by pit bulls EVERY. SINGLE. TIME we are in Portland! Sorry, but your precious wittle poopsie-woo pit bull does not trump a child’s ear. AROOOOOOO!!

    September 3rd, 2009 | #

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