We have mourning doves up on our roof — they look just like this. No that’s not my picture, you know all I do is write, I don’t take pix, too. Unlike some of you overachievers out there. hahaha. They’re just chilling. They seem to like it here.

I’m fighting off bronchitis, my lungs are a mess. Fever (never a good sign) and the general feeling that if I just break on through (to the other side, break on through, break, break) (key word: break) that this time, I will not get bronchial pneumonia. I’m fine, see! Fine! (Then I collapse. Drama queen.)

Pam: “Would you like some aspirin? You seem kind of fussy…”
Michael: “No, I don’t want any aspirin! Aspirin’s not gonna do a dang thing, Pam. Of course I’m fussy! I’m sitting here with a bloody stump of a foot!”

I haven’t slept much in a week — for two nights I barely slept at all.

I, like many of you, get stupid as hell and confused when I don’t sleep. Also not safe behind the wheel of a car, fyi.

Last night, I knew I was going to sleep okay. (powerofpositivethinking.) Willed myself to. Curled up in a ball, made little kitten noises, and when I woke up, the sun was up (sleep! i love you, my friend sleep) and I could hear the mourning doves, right outside my window.

nice.

ps yes we’ve been watching American Idol. This is all you need, though.

updated on Saturday: ppss WAIT the RAPTURE is today? Thank God for my father-in-law and Bossy, otherwise I would never have known. Eh, I’m not sweating anything now, especially not this frickin’ fever. Wait, doesn’t a fever come right before the Rapture? I think it does.

What did that cabbie in New York say to me, that one time? “When the end of the world comes, there won’t be any more worrying about the trillion dollar debt, or AIDS, or the drugs, and you, princess, you will never have to work again.” I was all, “Good by me.” Then he gave me one of the best smiles I’ve ever seen in my life, and off he went.

Why Not Me? — the first Judds song I fell in love with. Along with the spandex.

I was a big fan of E.B. White growing up, and read and re-read “Charlotte’s Web” and “Stuart Little” many times. I still have my original little paperbacks. My daughter and her father had re-read “Charlotte’s Web” approximately eight times by the time she turned seven. (We were gifted a big, gorgeous illustrated copy by my sister-in-law.) They bonded over it, it was extremely sweet.

My son is a Stuart Little fan, although I have to say, he likes the movies more than the book. (What??? Child of mine, what?) When I got older, I became a devotee of White’s work with Strunk, “The Elements of Style.” (“Omit unnecessary words.”) (OK, I never said I obeyed their edicts. But I always try.)

So how did we miss “Trumpet of the Swan”? I’ve been reading it with my son for the past couple of weeks, and we’re both enjoying it. It’s funny, it’s real, it’s fantasy, it makes me happy. It’s one of those bonding books, just like “Charlotte’s Web.” We have Louis, the white Trumpeter swan; his dad; his mom; his best friend Sam Beaver; Serena, the swan he longs for — all such good characters. This one is an excellent nighttime read-aloud. I love White for a lot of reasons, but the main reason? He doesn’t talk down to kids. We could all learn a little something here. (Scholastic, 210 pages.)

And now, a fast review of the new Nat’l. Geo. Kids 2012 Almanac, by our two in-house kid reviewers:

Wacky Boy: “OK, I get to do it all. From this book, I learned that there are a bunch of ways to be good to the environment. For instance, you can transform dog poop into energy.”

WG: “Ish.”

and… they’re done. (National Geo. Kids, $13.99, 351 pages.)

Wee little Buglette is a very messy sleeper. She is giving her mother fits. Sweet book for the littles, and the watercolors, all in purples, grays, greens and other light shades, are soothing and pretty. (Tricycle Press, $15.99, 32 pages.) You will find Bethanie’s website at aquapup.com, and her blog at bethaniemurguia.blogspot.com. Until May 21st, 2011, she’s giving away signed copies, so go leave her a note (U.S. only please, sorry, guys :(

She might even give away an original illustration, how’d ya like that?

Plus! Leave a note here on Wacky Mommy for a chance to win a signed copy of the book (two chances! here and over at Bethanie’s), stickers or a “do not disturb” door hanger. If you are interested, leave me a comment (I’m lonely! I love when you say “hey”) (also, something about contests! makes me break out the exclamation marks!), and then send me an e-mail with your request, plus your name and home address. I will see what I can do… (again, U.S. only, argh.)

No, I won’t sell your home address or e-mail, c’mon. This is just a fast fun one. I’m cutting ya off after… the fifth person enters, how’s that? (This is why I never do contests… who has the time?)

Have a great week, y’all.

— Wacky Mommy

(Disclaimer here, yes? Noted!)

“You always think that a bolt of lightning is going to strike and your parents will magically change into the people you wish they were or back into the people they used to be. But they’re never going to. And even though you know they’re never going to, you still hope they will.”

— Nora Ephron in “My Life as an Heiress,” New Yorker, 10/11/2010

it was good that i stopped drinking, I’m telling ya. three weeks today, wooooooooooo-hoooooooooo. I feel better, lighter, my skin looks less blotchy, all good.

booze = crutch, but for me, the bigger issue is booze = health problems. (diabetes on both sides of family, alcoholism on both sides of family, my heart thing, weight, on and on.) And i’m sorry, i really don’t mean to be all preachy here, but when you’re turning to “mommy needs a little drinkie” every time you’re stressed out, it’s a bad example for the kids. I haven’t been doing anybody any goddamn favors, especially not myself. And the cost! Booze is so expensive, damn. So there is no good reason for me to drink, and a whole lot of bad reasons to do it.

there are different, better ways to cope. i’ve been working out every day, even if it’s just a weigh-in with the WiiFit and a fast walk, and getting enough sleep (what???) and, yeah. It feels good. It feels like a big weight lifted off my shoulders. We’re surrounded by booze, references to booze, “I got so drunk last night!” all over Facebook, and yadda yadda. We are cocktail nation.

I’m sticking with the virgin mojitos and virgin pina coladas this summer — looking forward to it. I’ve already confounded 2 bartenders by ordering virgin bloody marys at restaurants. (hint: you leave out the wodka is all, so easy!) “What? What? You mean… like with the olives and everything, and just tomato juice?” omg.

I’m in it for the olives, okay? and the celery, and pickled asparagus. Just no more pickling of the liver.

anyway. eating healthy is something we’re always striving for at Chez Wacky. Compared to the rest of Americans, we’re doing pretty well (vegetarian for Steve and the kids, mostly veggie for me, limited fast/junk food, limited processed foods, eating locally, in season, buying in bulk, blah blah blah). However. We have a long way to go.

here’s a good start:

Ultimate Detox Recipe: Easy Wilted Garlic-Sesame Salad

Toss dark green leafy vegetables in hot, garlicky oil for a cleansing — and delicious — dish.

4 servings, about 65 calories each

1 tsp. olive oil
1 clove garlic, minced
1 lb. spinach, stemmed,
or 1 lb. Swiss chard, stems sliced, leaves torn
or 1 lb. mixture of spinach and watercress
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
1 tsp. sesame seeds for garnish

Warm oil in large skillet over medium-high heat. Add garlic and stir until lightly browned, about 45 seconds. Add greens (do in two batches if necessary) and toss until just wilted, 2 to 4 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Sprinkle with sesame seeds.

Find more healthy recipes with the RealAge Recipe Finder.

I’m telling you, if it wasn’t for Facebook and all the goofiness over there, I might run out of ideas for my blog. (that’s where I found that recipe, thank you… Kris? I think :) Please go “like” Wacky Mommy if you haven’t already!!! pretty please?

what else? we gardened yesterday, it’s coming along. and went to the farmers market, which was kicking and in full-force. Oregon strawberries, tasty and sweet; sticky, addictive kettlecorn; monster-sized collard greens; more sticky icky kettlecorn; leafy parsley; dark purple new potatoes, just dug the day before and still wet from their wash… good day. Always nice to see our friends, and the vendors. Our favorite is the bug guy — we bought another praying mantis pod (will hatch 200 mantises, most likely) and 1,500 little lady bugs! I am hoping they stick around in the yard and don’t just fly away home. Make this home, girls! Get those aphids off my roses!

Now, to write. Cleaning up spelling errors still, tenses, all that. I don’t mind the tinkering and tightening up, it’s kinda fun. And it’s done!!! I am reveling in that. Damn. Happy Sunday, y’all.

xoxoxo

wm

Finn: “Why are you keeping these girls prisoners? Jerk!”

The King: “You don’t understand. I collect princesses because I want to marry one.”

Jake the Dog: “Well, why’d you capture six of them if you just want to marry one?”

King: “I’m collecting them all first, to make sure I make the right choice. You’re both too young to understand, but marriage is a serious thing and lasts forever. You can’t just rush into it, y’know?”

Finn: “Ice King, don’t do this. Just let the girls go. They. Don’t. Want. To. Be. Here.”

funniest show on television, just sayin’.

“give it away give it away give it away now”

DONE writing final draft of novel, DONE. 330 pages, almost 100,000 words. Now the editors can take over, DONE. Also i gave up booze — will be three weeks this Sunday. Just in case you wanted a Nancy update.

My son: “Which kid is he?”

My daughter: “You know, the one who has skinny jeans and a big head.”

My son: “They all look like that out here.”

I went out in the yard with Steve. So far he has built two garden beds out of stone; the wooden beds are next. One has strawberries planted in it, that we brought over from the old house; the other has green onions that were here when we moved in last year and that have re-seeded. I’ll take green onions and strawberry starts over a bouquet of roses for Mother’s Day any time. Thanks, baby.

(the gnome and mushrooms were presents from my family — my dream come true :)

I will tell you something else — there are a lot of slugs out there, and they are attacking my iris and the dahlias and everything else they can find. The dahlias are just barely shooting up and already they’re little nubs. I heard frogs while we were out there and frogs equal snakes and I do not care for snakes although the hawks seem to like them.

So I came back inside.

Today there was sunshine/rain/gray clouds/more sunshine/more rain/and… calm. My daughter gave me a beautiful piece of art that she made last week, and I also got a coffee cup that says Believe in People. I do.

Best Mother’s Day ever.

The end.