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contact lenses vs. glasses vs. bifocals vs. I need to see

January 24th, 2012

I can read this pretty well:


(Photo by Steve Rawley)

And the winner is: The AcuVue TruEye, 1-day disposable soft contact lens

Second place: AcuVue Moist 1-day disposable lens

Third place: AcuVue Oasys, which are supposed to last two weeks but bug me after about three days

No place: Bifocals, aka “Progressive lenses,” which make me throw up (I’m talking about glasses; my mom uses the bifocal contact lenses and says they’re alright, but to me that sounds like a smaller version of hell)

Glasses: Mostly work, except when I need to read. (Middle age equals… I don’t get it. But although I am near-sighted, and barely have any correction in my left eye, I can only see close-up when I take off my glasses. “Playing the trombone,” as Bing Crosby called it in “White Christmas” — holding the letter far away from you, then up close in a vain attempt to see what those little squiggly words say.)

Reading glasses: The cheap-o’s from Safeway. Over contacts, I can see great for everything. Except driving. Then I need plain contact lenses or regular glasses

Readers: Like the cheap-o reading glasses, but prescription (see: right eye/left eye variances). Great for reading and writing longhand; worthless for computer. I wear them by themselves — no contacts.

Sunglasses: Prescription. They had to adjust the “warp” around the edges so I don’t get sick

Stupid motion-sickness. Stupid bad eyes. Can’t do Lasix — doc says my eyes are too dry, and I have astigmatism in both and “You would not be a good candidate.” Would my first wish be for world peace? Or perfect vision? Argh. Don’t ask me that, today. You know those eye tests where they ask, Which is better? 1? or 2? 2? or 3? 3? or 4? My response is now: “Uh…”

My eye doc and I have been working on all of this for two years, and this elaborate plan is working for now. The fierce headaches are lifting. We’ll see how this goes…

(No, I didn’t get paid for any of this. Going into debt just so I can see properly to read, work on computer and focus on the tiny print.)

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