listen up. i’m alive, leaving for work soon. took a couple days off to rest. my sweet mother-in-law (one of two, both sweet, yes, i’m lucky, lucky girl) is here for long weekend. when did i realize it was a 3-day weekend? last night at 4:30. no kidding. hahahahaHA! what a dope.

i am still sore, moving around a little slower than my usual ZIP-ZIP GOTTA GO SPOCKY! self. You know. Life. It comes at you fast, just like the commercial says.

do you read So the Fish Said? here is her list of books for 2009. this week i’m reading “Literacy with Attitude,” the Michael Pollan book about plant sex, more stuff by the “Wicked” author and… a bunch of kid books, per usual.

miss you, miss you, more later. hope life is good in eastern Canada, Texas, England, Morocco, Happy Rock, the South Side, or wherever you happen to be.

peace & love to Haiti, i’m lighting my candles. it’s not much but it’s all i’ve got. that and this little blog. (private note to U.S. government, Stop Katrina’ing things, how about? Just sayin’.)

— wm

This showed up in my e-mail, and I must say… I kinda like it.

— wm

I very lovely and kind person. But.
With the lacks and weaknesses,
as well as all normal people…
It is attractive, charming, clever, talented and brought up!
It is self-sufficient, independent and arrogant.
It is harmonous, perfectly I look, with taste I put on…
And now in essence!
I simply woman to whom it is possible to talk about different things,
listening to noise of a wind and singing of birds…

Wouldn’t you rather be skiing right now? You could if you were over in my neighborhood.

that’s all.

oh and my belly button hurts. also this eyboard sucks i want my (new) old one.

took the kids all of fourminutesflat to get outside to play in snow.

(did i mention keyboard sucks? space key works sporadically.)

there are five kids playing here. all v. nicely. the littlest one is the cutest. “Where is him?” she says when she spots a picture of Wacky Cousin 2.0.

“He’s at his house,” I told her.

“He looks nice,” she says, then adds, “I got 5 grandpas.” (holds up her hand, fingers outstretched.) “I gotta lotta grandpas.” (Her sister: “She doesn’t. YOU GOT TWO.” Little cutie turns to me, holds up her hand again for emphasis, five fingers: “A lotta grandpas.”)

Whoops, she just coughed on me — “i gotta cold!” says she. Some people bring me soup cuz i’m recuperating. Miss Honey Butt brings me a sick kid. Oddly, she avoids me when we’re sick.

i gotta go wash hands now!

xo

wm

edited at 8:30 to say: Vit. E on sore, scarred skin — yes. Watching “Ace of Cakes,” gotta go Spocky. I fixed the mouse — you have to hit the button on the weird looking thing under the desk, then it resets. Stupid wireless mouses and your mysterious ways.

ps it’s still snowing. there’s like, I don’t know. six to eight feet of it out there?

pss that post, by the way, includes my favorite quote ever from my kids. (Baby is our large black and white kitty cat.) So, just to leave you with something delightful to chew on:

Wacky Boy: “…that would be like if some stranger came into our house — Stranger Danger! — and bit off Baby’s leg. That would be sad. The end of Baby. And his leg.”

Wacky Boy: “Same as me!”

1) worried too much about surgery

2) took the kids to the bar instead of doing homework with them and… whatever else we should have done instead of going to the bar. a craft project or something? who knows. and ok, we did do some homework at the bar, but still had to study for geometry quiz when we got home. She’s in fifth grade. I didn’t have any geometry quizzes til I was a sophomore in high school. That’s what happens when your art teacher is also your math teacher. (God rest your soul, Mr. Art M., you were the best damn teacher. i loved you a bunch and you knew it.)

3) Abandoned the kids and slept a lot. (They stay up, on average, one-two hours later than I do, lately.) (Bright note: they’ve been much grouchier than i this week for a change, hahahaha.) Wacky Girl, when I told her I was going to bed, “Yeah, I’ll just be up all night studying for this quiz, go right ahead.” So I stayed up with her. She flew through the pages, “Hey — I know all of this!” Girl is wicked good at math.

4) ate the salad that was intended for the guinea pig.

5) didn’t clean either fish tank (fed them, though)

6) did not pay bills yet.

7) forgot to drink water all week and got extremely dehydrated. wine and coffee do not count as rehydration.

8) made steve do all the chores in the morning (breakfast, lunches, getting kids out the door). typical.

things i’ve done right this week…

1) worked out a couple times

2) my hair looks amazing. cuz i washed it and put it into a ponytail, that’s why. hahahahahaha.

3) i started the laundry.

You? Am I the only one beating myself up around here?

have a fantastic whatever day this is.

xo

wm

ps screw this list. i’ve done a ton of things right this week. the end.

what is it with Mondays around here?

1) i’m home sick from work today and tomorrow, trying not to slip over into bronchitis, cuz The Thing I’ve had for a month has moved into my lungs

2) i’m wheezing

3) i heard from the doc’s office — they found “abnormal endometrial cells” on my cervix. Isn’t the first time for this, but hopefully if I get all better by next month and can have surgery, it will be the last time for this kind of call.

4) if i’m sick, no surgery; if i have no surgery, i’m sick (exhaustion, anemia, cancer worries)

5) doesn’t this all just suck?

6) there has been a big windstorm all day and it’s kinda freaking me out, what with all the crashing and blowing

7) i didn’t get one of the grants i applied for for my library. jury is still out on other two grants.

8) on a bright note — steve and the kids are my favorite thing in life. they are sweet, funny, and know when to worry and when to breathe. (unlike me.) their love and enthusiasm keeps me going every day.

9) i’m really happy that my sis and the Red-Headed Guy are getting married next month. And guess what? My job is to provide the cupcakes for the wedding. With that in mind, they bought me my very own Cupcake Carrier. Do we need the Tree Stand, do you think? Or just arrange on platters? Oh, frosting. Oh, love. Oh, a Christmas wedding, so cool. Magic, magic, magic.

10) i’m also losing weight, cuz i’m worried all the time and don’t want to eat. that’s something. argggggggggggggghhhh. OK. Make it positive, girl. I love the Wii-Fit and the Wii-Fit Plus they are the best, funnest work-out ever. The end.

11) c’mon get happy.

love,

wm

And, because sometimes it’s not:

And, because this one is always true:

I always thought Danny was highly underrated as a bass player, didn’t you?

edited at 7:30 p.m. to say:

* one doctor wants me to come in so they can listen to me wheeze; other doc is on vacation for a week. the cells are probably… nothing. and if they are something? will deal.

* fixed vegetarian meatloaf, polenta and broc, an old favorite, for dinner. kids were not amused.

* climbing back in bed. have a good night, y’all.

“Don’t surrender your loneliness / So quickly. / Let it cut more deeply. / Let it ferment and season you / As few human / Or even divine ingredients can.”
— Hafez, poet (1315-1390)

* can’t talk about some things because. you know. let’s not get dooced.

* can’t write about other things because. you know. i have a 7-year-old, a 10-year-old and a husband who like their privacy. and would appreciate it if i told their side of things, sometimes.

* i can’t. they can just take comfort in knowing that i try, every day, to NOT talk about them — with co-workers, with friends, with family, with Internets. Years of therapy? I’m paying for my own, can’t afford anyone else’s.

* met with my surgeon/doc today for “pre-op” appointment. For those of you not “in the know,” that means “pre-operation” appointment that you go to before they slice into you, where you discuss pain meds; the need to avoid tylenol and aspirin for two weeks beforehand; how you “probably” won’t have to stay the night; how much better you’ll feel, after; how you’re not supposed to eat anything 12 hours prior to surgery. (This means I’m supposed to stay up til 2 a.m. — doc’s words — to have “a little something,” since the surgery isn’t skedded til 2 in the afternoon.)

* i can barely stay awake past 7:30 p.m. This should be interesting.

* also, if you’re me at least, and i know i am, you will discuss how “great” it is that your blood pressure is only 90/60. Haha! I work out! I take beta-blockers! I am a calm, stress-less person! Pop quiz: which of those statements is “fact”? Give up…????

* Two are fact; one is fiction.

* Now can you get it?

* I am probably one of the most tense, stressed-out people you could ever meet. True. That. True, that. True, that, to infinity and beyond. I am not proud of this, i am ashamed of it. I do not wear it on my sleeve like a badge of courage. It’s the reason why I try to eat right, get some kind of exercise every day, write in my journal, have a job i love, spend time with my family and friends who are all really nice, cool people. I don’t have an addiction to deal with, domestic abuse, a terminal illness. I have lost too many people, but honestly, haven’t we all? We all have had our losses.

* So when the medical assistant took my blood pressure, which i was convinced was going to be SKYROCKETING because i had HORRIBLE DAY — well. SKYROCKETING for me would mean 120/80 or something. Maybe 125/85 if I was just furious or something. I have this super-low blood pressure. Which is why i’m dizzy all the time. Also I take a beta-blocker, because I have funky heart condition. Because the thyroid issues and the girly issues weren’t enough, I suppose.

* Imagine my surprise when it was 88/58. The M.A. was a little worried. Said that would explain why I feel faint sometimes. “This, right here? This is the most pissed-off you are ever going to see me!” i told her. “OK, tell me about your day, then we’ll take it again.” hahahaha. I like that girl, she’s funny.

* “And THEN, and THEN, and SURGERY, and etc….” That’s how we got my BP up to 90/60, folks. It is good to have low blood pressure. It is not good to be close to passing out. i remember after giving birth to my baby girl, my BP went TUMBLING DOWN THE STAIRCASE and hit AN ALL-TIME LOW of 70 or 75 or something, over 47.

* Over 47, peeps. The monitor was all BEEPBEEPBEEPSHESDEADCOMEGETHEROUTOFHEREBEEPBEEPWENEEDTHEROOM
FORSOMEONEELSEGETAGURNEY and Steve kept flashing my pregnancy journal at them, w/ all the doc visit info, and the various BPs from throughout the months (we brought it because it was where we were scribbling, when we were timing contractions, i think? who knows.) And poor Steve kept gesturing, Here, here, and here, LOOK! SHE JUST HAS REALLY LOW BLOOD PRESSURE, SHE’S NOT DYING.

* Did I have a point with this post? the bullets? the ranting?

* Yes.

* Doc says tylenol = bad, bad, bad; morphine = good, good, good. Well. That has always been my motto, so I’m glad the Medical Community is finally catching up. Seriously — the “talk-talk” going around now is that we all, right here, right now, have ENOUGH TYLENOL IN OUR SYSTEMS TO LAST US A LIFETIME. Can i make that any CAPPIER for you? All kinds of people (who shouldn’t be, who are otherwise healthy) are showing up with liver disease and failure, cuz of TOO MUCH TYLENOL.

* interesting.

* But it’s okay, while i’m healing up, if i need morphine. only my BP will probably drop even lower, which could be, y’know. Problematic.

* think they’d let me bring one of those handy little machines home with me, just in case?

love,

wm

ps i always feel the need to give this disclaimer: i am no medical professional, go find yourself one if you need one.

pss — “Now, I’m not a pharmacist…” — comedian Kathy Griffin

ppss just remember: tylenol = bad; morphine = good

…hearing these words:

“The role of Lucky Spencer is now being played by Jonathan Jackson.”

i love you all over again, General Hospital.

— wm

ps really missing facebook, just fyi. you know what they say in Texas: que sara sara.

that’s all.

wm

“Any World (That I’m Welcome To)”

— Steely Dan (from “Katy Lied”)

My son is worried I’ll die during surgery. Because he knows that when they give dogs a shot and “make them go to sleep” they stay asleep. They die. I won’t die, I’ll be okay, baby. There’s no other option here. My daughter is worried about garbage. Too much garbage, all piling up.

“What do you think it will be like when we’re grown up, the whole world, piled up with all the garbage? Cars and garbage?”

her: “No, just thinking.”

I wish that Steve, the kids and I were going on a big road trip over the holidays. We like to go to L.A. for Christmas, and San Diego. We have friends and family there — all we have to spring for is gas and admission to Disneyland. Sometimes they’re running a “locals only” deal at Disneyland and our family gets us in for cheap.

Ah, que sera, sera, huh?

Need to work out now, then locate Steve and the kids. They’re in nests upstairs, hibernating. Did I tell you that my sister is getting married in December? (surgery is a few days after. yes, my mom did ask me to resked the surgery until “later.” I wish. it’s not me going on the honeymoon, the calendar is just fine, thanks. wish I could resked but… you know.)

i’m just going to try to think about how nice it is that she’s getting married not only to one of the coolest guys in the world, but one of steve’s best friends, to boot. The Red-Headed Guy. She’s a great girl, he’s a great guy. Mazel tov to them. let’s just think about that and daydream for awhile.

i was liking facebook. kind of had become a facebook addict, actually. now? love affair over. moving on, facebook. (i left twitter in the dust a long time ago. my blog updates over there, but that’s about it.)

they’re tinkering with the site (as those of you who are FB addicts out there have no doubt noticed) and now up pops everything. Ev-er-y-th-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-ng in painstaking little details. So and so and so and so are friends with so and so. So and so joined another group/cause/fan club and wants YOU to join, too. Do it! Just do it! Join the Nike/Adidas/Converse/your local credit union/Arbor Day Awareness Club, too! Do it!

The pressure… it is stupid. (“Stupid is a strong word!” says my daughter.) (Mis-quoting me, cuz I am fond of telling the kids, “Hate is a strong word!”) Stupid is not a strong enuf word, cutie.

I have enough real pressures in my life without the “kooky” pressures of Facebook (Twitter, MySpace, etc.). also there are other issues which i don’t really feel like going into.

social networking is re-wiring my brain and i do not like it. Seriously. I have no access to Facebook at work and for that, I thank my employer because it has made me realize how many times a day

zip

zip

woot

i go and check out Facebook.

this weekend, I’m going cold-turkey.

xo

wm