…- hello.

…-I am off to school soon. First day with students. Nervous? Yeah, like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

…-still reading like a maniac.

…-haven’t started my online class, although the textbook arrived several days ago.

…-I opened it up. Did you know they make the print in textbooks really really tiny small nowadays?

…-I’m sure it’s not my eyes.

…-my kids are excited about school. They set out their backpacks last night.

…-I have a big year planned. I’m going to read, read, read with the kids, everything from Where the Wild Things Are to Lemony Snickets. Yay. I will also give away a ton of books to the students and their parents — I appreciate that people like to donate books to schools, and I want to get them out to some readers. It’s so nice to be the middleman on this.

…-Do I go back to bed? Or start drinking coffee?

…-ha ha ha like that’s even a real question.

…-have a good day, y’all.

love,

wm

“You’re getting better at handling your emotions, which helps you connect to others.”

Really? Cuz the emotions have been all over the map for three weeks, Internets. (My husband would probably butt in with, “Just three weeks?”) (They’re getting home from Iowa any minute. I can’t wait. This house is too quiet without my three rowdies here.)

Bullets? You like bullets? Me, too! What a quincidence.

* It was one hundred and something degrees here today.

* All of you who say “Portland never gets hot! It’s only hot here, like, two days out of the year!” can kiss my foot.

* Sal’s, our favorite Italian restaurant in town, closed. No notice, no nothing. Mio Sushi and Pause, here I come.

* And McMenamin’s Kennedy School.

* But not Chapel Pub, because my kids think the food there is made from dead people.

* I’m pretty sure it’s not.

* They also think the hush puppies at Roux are made of real puppies, so we can’t eat there, either. As if we could afford it. Ha! We’ve been there twice I think. Once was for dessert.

* I love being back to work. Love, love, love, love, love my work. Love. Nothing but love.

* I can’t remember the last time I worked out. You?

* Turns out if you eat smaller portions of food, and limit yourself to one drink, you lose weight. Who knew?

* But the work-outs are key, for me anyway.

* Our snails are procreating. By themselves. They do this well, apparently. Ensures the survival of the species.

* “We see snails as being a nuisance pest in the aquariums.” — fish guy at the fish store.

* “So why do you sell them?” — me, to fish guy (Isn’t “nuisance pest” redundant? When I ask him what I should do with the extra snails, ie, can I donate them to the fish store? Or something? Craigslist? Foster homes for wayward snails? He suggests I put them in the garden. Snail killer!)

* Hmm. The frog is not a nuisance, he is adorable.

* Our garden is coming along great — corn, zucchini, cukes and more cukes, tomatoes coming on strong, herbs… it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

Later, gator.

wm

We camped. It was awesome. I hate pit toilets. Other than pit toilets it was awesome.

You eat S’mores and then you eat s’more. Light a big campfire and all smell like smoke. Drink a beer. Woot! Then you wake up sore from sleeping on forest floor. Camping pads too thin. Need RV. Yay, camping!

I’ve been hearing way too much lately with the warm weather and all our windows open. For example, this, last night, about twenty times in a row:

Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Jesus.

Or…

Kid: You’re mean.
Her dad: Why?
Kid: JUST BECAUSE!!!

And then there are Drunk Guys, Figuring Out Their Problems:
1st Guy: Then she just goes and disappears on me! For a whole day!
2nd Guy: Huh.
1st Guy: And she’s all, turning up pregnant and shit. And I’m all, I’m out of here.
2nd Guy: So what you are doing here is setting the record straight.
1st Guy: Right! Cuz I don’t even know if it’s my kid!
2nd Guy: Uh-huh.

Dang, I thought I had problems! I’m good, thanks.

wm

(I found this scribbled on a scrap of paper, from our trip to L.A. and San Diego last February.)

The land of milk and honey, sunshine and oranges, super-sized bags of Cheetos and Cokes in commemorative Buzz Lightyear cups…

(That’s as far as I got. Add on if you’d like…)

I cannot get my head straight to write here. I will give you bullets. In return, you will leave me comments telling me what you’ve been up to because hello??? I miss my readers when we don’t talk.

* my daughter, my sweet, awesome incredible daughter, is having some of the worst asthma of her life.

* I hate asthma.

* Would it be too hard to cure asthma, you smart researchers and doctors? Get on it, please. Stat, as you all are so fond of saying. We’re in trouble here.

* I hate asthma as much as I hate my thyroid (or lack thereof). Go read Y’s blog, she’s going through hell. Again. I love that girl so much. She deserves a cruise on the French Riviera, don’t you think?

* I keep e-mailing my husband (we’re not in the same room) in the hopes he will turn off the election results, already, stop blogging and come to bed.

* So far, no luck.

* And how lazy is that, to e my husband instead of walking to find him?

* We were awake all night last night with daughter having asthma attacks. It was awful.

* I am too tired to be blogging, but still, I persist.

* Tomorrow I have booked: too much. I booked, like, ten things for one tiny day. When will I learn that each day has only 24 hours, and at least 3 of those are generally spent sleeping.

* Or blogging.

* Is it summer break yet? Oh, wait — I’m working all summer. No break for you, mama.

* Is anyone even reading this? If you are, probably best to skip it and move along.

* Reading: Odd Girl Out, by Rachel Simmons (excellent); The Giver (freaking me out); Tuck Everlasting, by Natalie Babbitt (a lot of young adult fiction, because of my job); and The Wanderer, by Sharon Creech. Also, Real Simple magazine and a few blogs because, why not?

xxox

wm

Aw, tricked ya! Just wanted to see something else up here besides political crap. Sick kid at home, I’m working from my home office, which heats up to approximately 120 degrees on hot days AND it’s going to be 97 degrees today here in River City, USA. (No, our screens are not up in the windows, storms still.)

Gotta motor.

wm

ps Wacky Girl would like to say, “Howdy, people of the world.”

here are mine, for today:

* Mike Erickson is a jerk. We went to college together (PSU) and not surprisingly, he was a jerk in college, too! Way to go, Mike. Let’s hear it for the boy.

* We have a new expression in our house: “shovel-worthy.” (Like sponge-worthy, only not.) Is someone worthy of being smacked in the head with a shovel? Then they’re shovel-worthy. Several people come to mind. No, I won’t share names. OK, just 2,330 and that is all. That covers all the robots who sent me junk mail yesterday via the Internet. No, I don’t want to buy your watches, Viagra or porno videos you made of me. Because why? Don’t need ’em. Thanks, though! And no, I don’t want to “get ready for sex in 15 minutes!” I have to go to work. (Here’s a smack with a shovel, at all your virtual skulls.)

* I’ll be glad when the election is over.

* Go, Obama!

* No, I don’t hate women. I just do not care for Mrs. Clinton or Monica’s boyfriend.

* My kids like to stay awake all night. They should sleep at night.

* We all need more sleep around here. And exercise. And vegetables. Other than that, we’re good. (Our new babysitter: “Don’t offer anything but fruit and vegetables. They’ll eat them, eventually. Believe me.” Me: Why are babysitters always so damn smart?)

* I’ve met about fifteen awesome new women lately, including the eleven I played bunco with on Friday. I do not have extra time to spend with any of them. Not even for coffee dates. This bums me out.

* The Interstate Farmers Market opens tomorrow. “The Underscore Orkestra, playing a mix of Klezmer, Balkan, Gypsy Jazz and Swing Music” will “set the mood for a fun and yummy summer!” Well, alrighty then! If you live in the neighborhood, go for me, would you? I have four meetings.

* Four. And none of them start ’til 5 p.m. That’s about three too many. No, it’s about four too many.

* That’s just my opinion. You? Happy Tuesday, y’all.

love,

wm