New to the bookshelf: “Mission: New Baby… Top-Secret Info for Big Brothers and Sisters,” by Susan Hood, illustrated by Mary Lundquist, 2015, $16.99, Random House Children’s Books, unpaged; “The Bump: Pregnancy Planner and Journal,” by Carley Roney and TheBump.com, Potter Style/Crown Publishing, 2015, 95 pages; and “The Bump: Book of Lists for Pregnancy and Baby,” by Carley Roney and TheBump.com, Potter Style/Crown Publishing, 2015, 191 pages.

“Mission: New Baby” is a charming new picture book that helps prepare the big kid (brother Mason) for the little kid who’s arriving soon. The author (Susan Hood) and illustrator (Mary Lundquist) have collaborated nicely on this one. Mason and his robot toy “train” by briefing themselves on the new baby, testing “gears and gadgets” (crib, stroller, etc.), meeting the “new recruit” and everything else that’s involved with transitioning to becoming a sibling. Sweet art, and a fun story.

Now, working backwards, we have “The Bump Book of Lists.” Pregnancy can make a girl hyperventilate. You don’t want that — it’s bad for you and the bebe. For some of us, making lists helps; for others, it can bring on a panic attack. This is a handy book — good size, good format. Chapters are broken down from conception, through months 1-9, delivery, newborn and “Baby’s Next Steps.” The crew from the Bump have included lots of details on knowing what to eat, what you’ll need for vitamins and supplements, and some fun stuff, too (announcing the gender, making baby announcements). I would recommend scribbling away in this one. The accompanying planner and journal is great for scrapbooking — lots of room for photos, notes, ultrasound pix and all that.

Great gifts for yourself, or as gifts for any mamas-to-be you might know.

Do you stress? Yeah, me neither.

THIRTEEN THINGS I WISH I HADN’T STRESSED OUT ABOUT AS A NEW PARENT:

1) The babyproofing stage. I spaced out, didn’t get stuff baby-proofed as quickly as I should have, and chaos ensued. Now that my kids are 4 and 7, yeah, we really need all the baby-proofing I haven’t gotten rid of yet.

2) The talking. “When will she talk? What will her first word be? What if she never talks? Is there something wrong with my baby oh my gawwwwwwwwwd, wait. I think she just said ‘sock.'” Once they start talking they never stop. And once they learn to bitch at you, they never stop that, either. Then you’re thinking, “I wanted this kid to talk?”

Wacky Girl: “Why can’t I watch ‘Star Wars’? Everyone, everyone, everyone in my class has seen it. They said it is not even scary. I am too big for PBS Kids, it’s stupid. And you won’t let me watch ‘Monster House.’ And the Chucky movies. And ‘Scary Movie 3’ is supposed to be real good, but nooooo you won’t let me watch that. Or ‘Star Wars.'”

3) The nursing. It either works or it doesn’t. Bottles are fine, boobs are fine. The end.

4) The sleeping-through-the-night and the potty training. Eventually they deal.

5) Which brings us to… The projectile pooping and vomiting stage. It doesn’t last forever. Thank you, Jesus.

6) The trying-to-keep-up-with-the-Joneses phase. “Must go to playgroup. Must not miss music class again. Must go to park, even though I hate the park.” We all need to slow the hell down. My friends call me “Miss Chop-Chop” for a reason — I need to take my own advice.

7) Listening to idiots and letting them throw guilt on me like a big ol’ wet blanket. “Why doesn’t Mommy put a coat on you? You need a coat, tell Mommy.” Now I just smile and walk away. Quickly.

8) The trying to keep everyone happy phase — the husbands get along, the wives get along, the kids hate each other, but maybe they will learn to love each other? C’mon! Let’s all be happy, kids! If your kids say they don’t want to play with someone, listen to them.

9) I wouldn’t have argued with my husband so much over stupid little nothings those first few years — whether or not the baby should wear a hat, whether or not it was too cold to hike, whether or not we should let ourselves get roped into going to something that at least one of us really didn’t want to go to. Let it all just roll, y’know? It works better, in the long run.

10) Messes. Specifically, fingerpaints, glitter, sand tables, water stations. Just bring extra clothes and let the kids go for it.

11) Snacks, as in, it is not that hard to pack a snack. (I still stress out over this — so busy getting shoes and coats on and finding my car keys that I forget apple slices, peanut butter crackers and a bottle of water.) Remember them, and the wet wipes, and prevent melt-downs. Dum-Dums are a fine snack, bring 12. Plus they can’t bitch at you with a lollipop in the pie-hole.

12) Playdates. I thought my kids should have loads o’ playdates. Their little friends bring over germs. The friends leave, the germs stay, Mommy gets bronchitis. I would slash our playdate schedule in half if I could do it over again.

13) It’s really true that the years fly by. It doesn’t feel like it, zero-24 months, but after that? Zoom. They won’t love Elmo forever. But they will develop an affection for Chucky that will concern you.

From Jenny at Mama Drama:

Breaking news, people! Scientists have proven that most mothers don’t get enough sleep.

Proving that most moms don’t get enough sleep is like proving that men dislike having their testicles kicked repeatedly with a boot, or that the majority of Americans aren’t afraid of rainbows.

Go read her whole post, it’s funny.

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Hello, darlings. Here, have some truffles.

Questions today are:

Dear Wacky Mommy,

Blondie (But Not For Long)

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So I’m at school, waiting to pick up Wacky Girl, and one of the mommies is yap-yapping on her cell phone in my ear about, “The c-section rate in this country is 30 percent, and most of them are unnecessary, and it’s all about medical malpractice and yadda-yadda, a lot of women think it’ll just be easier to schedule a c-section…”

And I’m thinking, “I’ve heard this before. I’m so frickin’ beyond sick of this topic.”

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It’s August, ladies. And those of you who are ten months pregnant have Wacky Mommy’s empathy. So here are a few little comments my Wacky Sister sent me, to cheer me up the August I was ten months p.g. with Wacky Girl:

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You heard of “elimination communication?” It’s raising babies without diapers, aka “nappies” in the U.K.

Wacky Mommy is in favor of diapering. Bring on the Huggies…

Sweet jeebus, help us all. Not all progress is bad. More later…

WM

Quote of the day:

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My WM Living Will is as follows:

A “Do Not Resuscitate” order is a fine idea, but damn, if I get hit by a bus or something and am unconscious in the street, get me to the hospital, please. “Sorry! She said she didn’t want heroic measures.” “Yeah, we should respect her wishes, she’d want us to…”

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Dear Wacky Mommy,

Wow, Wacky Mommy’s life is so much more entertaining than mine–I thought the fulltime working mommys were supposed to have the most fascinating lives…maybe if you’re an architect mommy or a doctor mommy, but a clerical mommy? I don’t think so! I am actually trying to ask for advice but not sure of the protocol. What I want to know is what does it mean when your 22 almost 23-month-old is suddenly very clingy, whiney, wanting to nurse ALL THE TIME and he’s not sick, doesn’t appear to be teething (he looks like he has all his teeth, but what do I know?) I am worried he’s been through some kind of trauma and is regressing, but can’t think of anything traumatic he’s been through lately. Probably being almost 2 is traumatic enough in itself. Anyway, help, Wacky Mommy!

Signed,

No Idea

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