I always forget about our hoard of food in the basement. That’s right. Since we’re talking about moving (not for awhile — a loooooong while, but still!) it got me thinking about all the green beans and marinara sauce in our downstairs freezer. Because that stash, it is not moving with us cross-country. (We had a bumper crop of roma tomatoes last summer, and bush beans. This year we’re going back to pole beans — easier pickin’.)

A shelf of green beans, a shelf of marinara… and then there are the bananas. I, the girl who loves bananas but does not particularly care for banana bread, will not compost overripe bananas. They get peeled, then thrown into a freezer bag (there are always three bananas. Never two, or four — just three) and into the freezer.

Where I mistake them for frozen breadsticks, which they are not. It’s always a shocker.

But I’m saving them for banana bread. Which I mostly refuse to bake. (I also freeze shredded zucchini, which I am better about using up — I love zucchini bread.) New solution: Banana-Zucchini Bread. Easy. Does this give you any insight into how my mind works? Geesh, that’s a little weird.

Once on a trip to Mexico, Hockey God discovered Tortitas de Ejotes (Green Bean Fritters). He was craving them one night and came up with this recipe:

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
1 teaspoon dry mustard
1 egg, well-beaten
3/4 cup flour
1 teaspoon salt
black pepper, to taste
1/4 cup milk
2 cups cooked & diced green beans
1/2 cup vegetable oil

Mix olive oil, vinegar & mustard in a medium bowl.

In another bowl, combine the egg, flour, milk, salt & pepper.

Add the vinaigrette.

Add the milk a little at a time, stirring in. Add the beans.

Heat oil in a medium frying pan over medium heat. Place the tortitas de ejotes, in patties two-inches in diameter, in the skillet. Cook until browned on both sides. To serve: top with mole, sprinkle with cojita (queso seco — dry cheese), and serve with sides of black beans and rice.

Bon appetit!

WM

If you would like our family’s excellent homemade bread recipe, you’ll find it here.

The setting: Last Sunday afternoon. I’m lying in bed, hoping my family will leave so I can watch the Las Vegas season finale I have on tape. (I finally watched the whole thing. My review: Creepy, too weird, not enough hott love scenes.)

My husband: “I’ll fix dinner. You always get home cooking on the weekend.”

Me: “I cook during the week!” (…and I’m thinking, not last week I didn’t — we had Thai, pizza, and Indian take-out, then went out on Friday.)

Wacky Girl, who’s sprawled on the bed: “Bullshit.”

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“I have a terrible memory; I never forget a thing.”
— Edith Konecky, writer

Dear Doctor I Fired Yesterday,
You were a lousy doctor, that’s why I fired you. In case you were wondering. And no, you can’t fire me, or quit, because I fired you first. Nyah-nyah.

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Dear Internet,

I’m on a mission. It’s political. It’s messy. It possibly involves the purchase of two or three large inflatable toys. I cannot discuss it here, for reasons of neighborhood and possibly national security, but if you live in Portland, Ore., and are a musician, artist, gardener, or just a person who wants to get involved, e me and we’ll talk.

Vague enough? Intriguing enough? Also I think I’m going to need help from both the No War Drum Corps and the Nation of Islam on this one.

Ciao,

WM

PS — How about some recipes? With all this political organizing, we have little time for cooking around here. Thus, three fast ones…

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One of my old friends — who is no longer a friend at all, I am sad to report — became a real hotshot. Got the fancy job, moved out of the country, then to another country, then to another country — became a big dog with her company. Married, sooooooooooooooo happy. Allegedly. Has two adorable children. Not allegedly — they’re real.

(Does she read this blog? I think not. Do I care if she figures out this is her I’m kvetching about? No, not really. I’ve told her all this before, in person.)

Am I jealous? No. I hate flying, and she flies constantly. My kids are also adorable. And we’re all allegedly happy. (Joke — we’re for-real happy.) My husband is, you know, a honey. And plays hockey and is a big strapping guy. Wall of Hockey God, I call him. Also, I actually get to hang out with my kids, whereas she works 50-60 hours a week. Yeah, I need to stop going around calling people “asshat” (thank you Snickrsnack Katie for a new list of insults — “asshat,” “asstroll,” pretty much anything with the word “ass” attached heh heh heh).

Where was I? Am I ADD? Possibly. All I know is that most people, when they take Sudafed, get jittery. I get focused and am able to complete tasks in an orderly fashion. Sudafed: Mommy’s Little Ritalin. We were talking, this former friend and I, it’s been ages ago, and she’s all “blah-blah, my exciting life, blah-blah, off to important meeting at the Consulate… What’s your schedule like this week?” It was a Tuesday, and she’d caught me in a Zen-like (probably Sudafed-induced) moment, so I said:

“On Tuesdays I usually bake bread.”

Feeble, so feeble. My daughter and husband love my homemade bread. We have a breadmaker, it’s easy. Takes five minutes to throw the stuff in the bread pan…

1 1/2 cups warm water
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
3 tablespoons honey or sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup oatmeal
2 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup + 1/3 cup white flour
2 teaspoons yeast

Put on wholewheat setting, light crust. Takes four hours and 10 minutes until it’s done. If you want to make it the “real way,” follow the instructions on a wholewheat bread recipe for the kneading and rising times. Bon fucking appetit from the little mousy housewife. The little mousewife.

I don’t know what I said to her after that. (No, I didn’t give her the recipe — I just put that there for you.) I probably made something up about manuscripts in the works, a bevy of agents beating on my door, sorry gotta go, who knows. All I know is that I let my own, inane remark make me feel feeble and like “oh what a good lil housewife” for quite some time after.

Then Wacky Girl came along one day and saw that I was trying to find my way blindly through my day. Dishes undone. Laundry in heaps. Dog, kids, cats unfed. Hair? Yeah, a mess. Some days just are a disaster around here. She made me a list:

1 Make brid!!!!!! (She then crossed off the “i” and turned it into a “e”)
2 Wash dishis!!!
3 Take a brak for 8 menet’s
4 Plea’s go to bed

Then she worried for awhile. Would it overwhelm me, The List?

“Mommy, is eight minutes a long time? Because I wanted you to have a long break.”

There is nothing feeble about me, or my life. I taped her list to the cupboard and it makes me smile, everyday.

This is a wonderful life. It’s Wednesday. I baked some bread today. And wrote.

How about a party for my Thursday Thirteen?

THIRTEEN THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT OUR NEIGHBORHOOD PROGRESSIVE PARTY

1. It’s going to be fun…

2. It starts at 3 p.m. on New Year’s Day. Having forgotten that we all have to work and go back to school the next day. Whoops.

3. Six households on our block are participating. We didn’t invite everyone because we don’t like everyone. Especially people who suck. They are not invited. We will thumb our noses at them as we make merry past their houses. See how it works?

4. One of our neighbors is friendlier than most of us, and she may invite two other households to join in. Which is fine. I think.

5. First Course: Wacky Nekkid Neighbors are serving Butternut Squash Soup and An Assortment of Breads. (I don’t know if there will actually be an assortment, or just one kind, but Assortment of Breads has such a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?) They have the new baby and all, so they’re not inviting people in. Wacky Nekkid Mini-Neighbor and Wacky Boy are best friends, so they can run wild and knock soup off the table. And we can all goo-goo over Nekkid Bebe. The soup will be served where we’re having…

6. Second Course: Appetizers at V and S’s house. V is a chef by trade, so we’re all pretty psyched she’s cooking for us. Because she really gets thoroughly sick of cooking. Plus, S’s daughter (and possibly V’s daughter) will join us, so the more the merrier! S’s daughter is Wacky Girl’s age, so they can run and be goofy and sing songs for us if there are any lulls in the conversation.

7. Third Course: Salad at T and J’s house. They also have a new baby. A new old baby — he was born in August, so he’s not that new. Not as new as Nekkid Bebe. He is still extremely cute, though, so we will gaga goo-goo for him, too. Maybe they won’t feel like having the crew trample through their home? But maybe they will. Anyway, on to…

8. Fourth Course: Lasagna by A. She’s getting fresh sheets of pasta from Pastaworks (I love Pastaworks. Cookbooks, sauces, fresh pasta, cookbooks, more pasta, yummy.) She’s making one vegetarian and one not. I believe she wants us all to come by her place. We’ve all been doing a lot of work on our houses, so it will be fun to show everything off. Plus, hello, gossip? Hell to the yes for neighborhood gossip and noshes. We have one more neighbor who’s taking part — not sure if he’s doing food or not, but I think he’s going to hang out with us. They have done a ton of work on their house, and he’s done all of it himself, or with friends, so I’m hoping he invites us over for drinks or just a tour. (Most of the houses on our block are about one hundred years old now, so it’s fun to see them get spoiled.)

9. Fifth Course: Our place for dessert and a toast. Chocolate Volcano Cake with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream, Lemon Squares, Chocolate Chip Cookies and fresh fruit. For the toast, sparkling pear and apple ciders. Only two of us drink! So the drinkers can bring wine or beer if they want. We’re all making jokes that it’s something in the water — or not.

10. I’m not really sure how these progressive parties work, which is too bad, since I’m kind of the hostess. It was not just my idea! V, A and Wacky Nekkid Neighbor have been talking for ages about a block party. So if you have any suggestions, please e them to me or leave a message in comments.

11. Hockey God and I are going to make up a menu card/invite thing, with everyone’s full names and details about the food they’re sharing. (I do not know all of my neighbors’ last names. Do you? And we’ve only recently started trading phone numbers. We’re popping in and out of each other’s houses all the time, though, and leaving things for each other on porches or in mailboxes. We all look out for each other, it’s nice.)

12. Wacky Girl is thrilled about this party — why should I bother to worry about details when I know she’ll come up with some great elaborate plan and all I’ll need to do is say, “Yep, what next?” and follow along behind her? (Most of our days go this way. Thank God one of us is chop-chop.)

13. I think this will be a cool way to welcome in 2007. Bye-bye, Year of the Dog (George W. Bush? Dick Cheney? Kevin Federline?) and helloooooooooooo Year of the Pig! Bon appetit, everyone!

Rest in peace, James Brown, who passed away Christmas morning. The newspaper said he held one last toy giveaway on Saturday in Augusta. Yay, Santa… My favorite song of his, that I’m always humming at Christmastime…

Santa Claus/
go straight to the ghetto/
Santa Claus/
go straight to the ghetto/
Tell them James Brown sent you/
Ha!/
go straight to the ghetto/
you know that I know that you will see/
’cause that was once/
me/
hit it/
hit it/

And for Tuesday Recipe Club (you might need to save this one ’til next summer, but the pie crust recipes are great for any time):

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Everyone has been sending me stuff, but have I been kind enough to review any of it? Noooooooooooo. Too busy bitching at Emilio Estevez.

Reviewed today:

And, just to mix things up:

Student’s Go Vegan Cookbook, by Carole Raymond. (And no, I don’t like the placement of that apostrophe, either. Talk to Carole’s publisher about it, not me.)

The God of Small Things, by the political, brilliant and irrepressible writer and speaker Arundhati Roy.

And… (mixing it up, get it?) how about the Jiffy Mixes recipe book? If you go to their website they’ll send you, one, too. If you have an Easy-Bake Oven, Jiffy Mixes work just splendidly and do not cost as much as the Easy-Bake mixes.

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Courtesy of Wendy Johnson, chef and culinary instructor; our friend Zip; and yesterday’s FOODday………

“North African spices are a great way to perk up winter vegetables. In fact, seasonings are the main event in this Moroccan Vegetable Stew, laced with chiles, saffron, ginger, cumin and cinnamon, and served over hot couscous. Eggplant and fennel are nice additions, but if you don’t have all the vegetables called for, you can make a fine stew just from carrots, potatoes and tomatoes, plus the nutty-flavored garbanzo beans (S&W brand has good flavor).

Harissa, a paste of chiles and garlic used in North African food, gives this dish an extra punch. Any leftover harissa keeps well as a spicy condiment for soups, stir fries or tofu and plain brown rice.

Serve this stew with naan, a type of Indian flatbread available at New Seasons, Trader Joe’s, Indian grocery stores, and supermarkets well-stocked with international foods. Check the bakery aisle as well as the freezer section (look for heat-and-eat versions), and bring it to the table hot from the oven.”

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