Would you like my mother-in-law’s recipe for Microwave Cherry Chocolate Cake? Yeah, I thought so.

Ingredients
1 2-layer chocolate cake mix (we like devil’s food)
1 can cherry pie filling
1 tablespoon almond extract
2 eggs
Powdered sugar or chocolate frosting

Process

Beat eggs, add almond extract and cherry pie filling. Mix ’til combined. Add cake mix and mix by hand until thoroughly combined.

Pour into pan and bake:

9 x 13-inch glass baking dish: 11-12 minutes
Microwaveable Bundt pan: 15-16 minutes

Cover with waxed paper and let stand for 5-10 minutes.

Turn out cake and frost with powdered sugar or chocolate frosting when cool. Great with whipped cream or vanilla ice cream on the side.

Bon appetit!

* mission to avoid paperwork: completed. it culminated with my 1) cleaning the hamster cage and 2) weeding the driveway.

* eventually, when you’re trying to avoid something, you realize that the energy you’re spending avoiding it is taking far, far more effort than the energy it would take to complete the damn thing you’re trying to avoid.

* SO COMPLETE IT ALREADY, WHY ARE YOU TORTURING YOURSELF?

* Yes. I was putting the finishing touches on the whole thing, feeling all proud of myself, and voila! guess what? A three-page essay was required. A three-page essay that I had “somehow” managed to “overlook” until right this very afternoon. Luckily I like to write, so voila again! I wrote it! It’s done now, kit and kaboodle, addressed and sitting here in its fancy envelope. I will mail it tomorrow. Thank you and good night.

* Oh. Yes. We went to see the new “Twilight” movie. “Eclipse,” it is called. It was a reward to my daughter, for putting up with me freaking out and procrastinating over The Paperwork. (I told her once I had finished it up, we could go. We took Ms. New Orleans with us and went out for a fancy dinner first. Then we got candy from 7-11 on the way to the movie. Don’t you love sneaking in candy? I do.) Y’know what? I liked the movie. Hmm. Will ponder that later.

* I love the Beaverton Farmers Market. We all love it. My dog loved it, my grandma loved it, my husband and kids still love it. I like all of the vendors out there, from the sweetheart who sells her homemade cheesecakes to the family that does the kettle corn to the guy who fixes my iced latte, but these are just a few of my top picks:

Thank you, Rosecrest Farm, for the awesome swiss cheese. Thank you, hippie boys at Deep Roots Farm for always being so sexy. Thank you, Souper Natural lady, for being so funny and for making the best Italian Wedding soup I’ve ever tasted.

And thank you, Arcane Cellars, for the delicious wine, and for the Bon Appetit recipe for Spicy-Sweet Tangerine Shrimp with Baby Bok Choy (“pair with Arcane 2009 Pinot Gris”). Would you like to try it? Well, okay then!

Ingredients:

* 6 baby bok choy, halved lengthwise
* 2 tablespoons Asian sesame oil, divided
* 1 1/2 pounds uncooked large shrimp, peeled, deveined
* 1/3 cup frozen orange-tangerine concentrate, thawed
* 1/3 cup Asian sweet chili sauce
* 12 strips tangerine peel
* 1 1/2 teaspoons distilled white vinegar
* 1 teaspoon oyster sauce
* 2 green onions, chopped
* 1 1/2 tablespoons minced peeled fresh ginger

Preparation: Cover bottom of large skillet with 1/2 inch water. Add bok choy; drizzle with 1 tablespoon oil. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cover; cook over high heat until bok choy is tender, about 5 minutes. Arrange bok choy around edge of platter. Boil liquid in skillet until reduced to glaze, about 1 minute; pour over bok choy.

Mix shrimp and next 5 ingredients in medium bowl. Heat 1 tablespoon sesame oil in same skillet over high heat. Add onions and ginger. Sauté 1 minute. Add shrimp mixture. Toss until shrimp are just opaque in center, about 3 minutes. Using slotted spoon, transfer shrimp to platter. Cook sauce until thickened, about 2 minutes. Spoon sauce over shrimp.

We cooked today — enough for a couple of dinners and lunches this week and enough for the freezer — lasagna and split pea soup. It was pretty good. Pretty, pretty good, as Larry David would say. For lunch I had a delicious toasted poppyseed bagel with butter, Toby’s Tofu Pate and relish. Relish from a jar. You know what would have been really good with it? Chow-Chow. Homemade.

CHOW-CHOW
You use onion, green tomatoes, cucumbers, red bell peppers and grind all that up. I put some vinegar in there and let it cook on the stove for awhile. Then you seal it up in jars. I gave some to my friend Sally – it had been three years and she said it was the best thing she’d ever had. She took some out to her daughter’s.
My kids used to like it with beans.

— my grandma

ps I watched that show “Bridezillas” with my kid yesterday and it was AWFUL. What a scary, scary show that is! Then we couldn’t turn it off, it was like they trapped us. So we ate the rest of the fudge and a big bowl of kettle corn and yeah, that made it worse. The End.

pss my daughter would like me to tell The Internets that I wasn’t going to have any Internet time today, but then I did. The End. Again.

Chewy Chocolate Cookies a la Granny

1 1/4 sticks Margarine or Butter
2 cups Sugar
2 Eggs
2 t. Vanilla
2 Cups Flour
3/4 cup Dry Cocoa
1 t Salt
1 cup Chopped nuts

Cream Margarine & Sugar & Vanilla, add eggs, beat
Put Flour, Cocoa, Nuts, soda & Salt in Mix.
Mix Well. Chill 30 minutes
Roll in Balls & in Powder Sugar.

Grease Cookie Sheet

Bake at 350 10 to 12 minutes

DON’T OVER BAKE.

You know who gave me this recipe? My Dear Late Granny’s mailwoman, that’s who. I can tell it’s my grandma’s recipe cuz it calls for Powder Sugar (not “powdered sugar”) and cuz she shouts “DON’T OVER BAKE” at me, even from beyond the grave. I love her so.

— wm

It’s like Food-a-Palooza night over here. Why? WE SPEND TOO MUCH $$$ ON PIZZA AROUND HERE, that’s why. (Sorry, had to make that cappy.) The pizza has become An Issue since there’s a really good Papa Murphy’s by us (no lie, it is deliciously fresh and cheap) and there’s a Pizzicato a few minutes away and damn. They make a good Caesar salad. That, a bottle of vino, a cheese pizza for the kids, a Puttanesca pizza for us, and what the hell, throw in dessert, too, and next thing you know, you’ve got no disposable income left.

But it’s spring — we have all these lovely vegetables available, and even though the cupboards and fridge were half-empty, that was not going to stop me, oh no.

(I have to edit this real quick, on Saturday afternoon, to encourage you to go buy some hot sauce from our brand-new friends at Hot Sauce Planet. Jason stopped by, saw the recipe for greens with hot sauce, and is giving us a deal through June 30th, 2010. The code is… wait for it… WACKY.) (Now is as good a time as any to introduce, or reintroduce, you to A Slight Disclaimer.) (Yes, I’m hoping Jason sends me some hot sauce samples, what are ya, nuts? Of course I want some hot sauce.)

So tonight I cooked. I do know how to cook, for your information, I just don’t like to. For a variety of reasons. It cuts into my sleeping/reading/nooky/hot tubbing/Food Network time, for starters. And breaking up fights between the young’uns. Who has time to cook when the kids (hamsters, cats) are fighting so g.d. much? It’s exhausting, really it is. And why cook when there’s all this clean, fluffy laundry I could fold, instead? No, seriously. I do like to cook (as long as it’s nachos. Or bean dip. Or cheese dip. Or a bowl of pretzels with a couple of beers on the side, I can cook the hell out of that), but… excuses. And wishes. Wishes for more time, fewer trips to the store, more trips to the farmers market…

“If wishes were horses/beggars would ride.” — anon. (English Language Proverb and nursery rhyme)

Hey, wooooooooot! You want to read an old funny post? It’s apropos of… how I feel today.

So this afternoon, my commute was fast, I was in a great mood (thank you, thank you, Zoot, for the burst of optimism — it was catchy!), I got started early, the kids didn’t fight (that much) and… next thing you know:

* I whipped up some homemade quiche with mozzarella, eggs, milk, peas, and black olives. (Key: beat the eggs into fluffy fluffy foam.) (And had I remembered there were fresh peas in the fridge from the market, hello, I wouldn’t have used frozen, duh.)

* Put that in the oven to bake, went to work out on the treadmill and watch General Hospital. I’m no cougar, but for Dante/Dominic? I could come around.

* Took quiche out of oven to cool and set. Paused to pour a glass of wine. (A-Z Pinot Grigio, and I’m too lazy to run downstairs and see whose label it is. But if you’re looking for a good summer cocktail recipe, check Steve’s blog.)

* Started a variation of Steve’s Greens n Spuds recipe. (Got inspired by this recipe, too; left out the spuds; added a bunch of hot sauce; and compromised between cooking them Stevie Style and Dear Granny Style. His: cook them just long enough. Hers: start them on Thursday they’ll be done next Tuesday or so. I added garbanzo beans and shallots from the market, nice. Also some packets of random spices and hot oils, from the cupboard. I have no idea what they were, but they worked.

* Made a fruit salad with fresh, sliced strawberries, frozen blueberries (they defrosted quickly), a couple of spoonfuls of sugar and a can of crushed pineapple that I found when I was looking for salsa to make nachos, last night. (Wait… that’s why we ended up getting pizza. There were no nachos for the nachos, basically.)

But wait, there’s more…

* Cooked baby carrots that I mashed with orange juice, honey, butter, salt and pepper. Sooooooo good.

I lit some candles (??? seriously) and told the kids, No taekwondo, kids, we’re taking the night off (“Awwwwwwwww!!!” they love to kick things, it’s the perfect sport for them.) Then Hockey God got stuck in traffic, which, y’know. Drag for him, but bought me more time.

That’s right — I took a shower. Since I’d had the major work-out and all. (me 2 kids: I’m working out, you’re not, sorry!)

Excellent dinner, we’re all happy. (Did the children eat any of that healthy, colorful and fantastic food, you ask? Wacky Girl took small bites, to be polite. Wacky Boy refused it all. It involved vegetables. And fruit. He doesn’t eat vegetables or fruit, see? Except french fries and ketchup. So he’s going to raid the cupboard for cereal later is my guess.) (If I never see a purple box of Annie’s mac n cheez again I would say, About frickin’ time.)

On another side note: The kids now have GarageBand and PhotoBooth which I don’t fully understand WTF those are, but they’re rocking out.

HAPPY LONG WEEKEND, Y’ALL. (If you get one. If you don’t — I’m sorry. Er, happy Thursday night? Party on, dudes.)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

your friend,

wm

Here, I’d better just include those other recipes, since who knows if the links will go dead later:

Swiss Chard and Garbanzo Bean Soup

Makes 8 servings

This soup is super easy to make because you only have to chop one vegetable — the onion — which allows you to put it together in less than an hour. Serve with baguette slices and a green salad to round out the meal.

Ingredients

* 2 tablespoons olive oil
* 1 tablespoon nonhydrogenated margarine
* 1 large onion, coarsely chopped
* 4 cloves garlic, pressed through a garlic press
* 1 bunch (approximately 1 pound) Swiss chard, washed and torn into bite-sized pieces
* 4 cups (24 ounces) chopped canned tomatoes
* 1 to 2 teaspoons chili sauce, such as sriracha or Frank’s Red Hot
* 1 15-ounce can garbanzo beans, rinsed and drained
* 2 cups vegetable broth
* Soy sour cream substitute for garnish

Instructions

In a large soup pot over medium-high heat, heat the olive oil and margarine until they melt together. Add the onion and garlic. Sauté, stirring frequently, until the onion turns translucent, about 10 minutes.

Add the chard to the pot. The leaves should come almost to the top of the pot but will shrink when they cook. Cook until greens begin to wilt, about 2 to 3 minutes. Add the tomatoes, chili sauce and garbanzo beans. Cook, stirring frequently, for 2 to 3 minutes more.

Add the broth and bring soup to a boil; lower the heat to a simmer and cook for 15 minutes. Serve, garnishing each serving with a couple of teaspoon-sized dollops of soy sour cream substitute.

Adapted from Blue Earth Farms, Chehalis, Wash.

And this Creamed Spinach recipe sounds really nice:

White House No-Cream Creamed Spinach

Makes 6 servings

This side dish is one of Michelle Obama’s favorites because it has a creamy texture without a lot of calories and fat. One person who’s not a fan, however, is Sasha Obama, who is turned off by the bright green color — a shade of the vegetable rainbow she has yet to embrace.

Ingredients

* 2 pounds baby spinach
* 2 tablespoons olive oil
* 4 shallots, minced
* 2 cloves garlic, minced
* Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Instructions

Wash and clean the spinach. Place a large bowl of water near the sink, and put several handfuls of ice cubes in it. Place a colander in the sink.

Fill a medium-sized pot with water, and sprinkle in some salt. Place the pot on the stove and bring to a boil over high heat. Carefully add 8 ounces of the spinach (about a quarter of the leaves) and let it boil for just 30 seconds.

Carefully pour the spinach and water into the colander to drain the spinach. Then, using tongs or a fork to handle the hot spinach, immediately “shock” the spinach by putting it into the ice water to stop the cooking process. Let the spinach sit in the cold water for a minute, then drain it again in the colander. Squeeze the spinach with your hands or press the spinach against the colander with the back of a spoon to remove excess water.

Place the cooked spinach in a blender and purée. Set aside.

In a large skillet over medium heat, heat the oil. Add shallots and garlic and cook until the shallots turn translucent, 3 to 4 minutes.

Add the rest of the spinach leaves, tossing with a spoon and sautéing until the leaves are wilted. Add the puréed spinach and stir. Season with salt and pepper.

Adapted from White House Executive Chef Cristeta Comerford

There’s a new podcast up on Under the Tuscan Gun — Pasta al Vino (with Sausage and Saffron). ohhhhhhhhhhh, yum.

— wm

my favorite donut recipe… ever.

DONUT PUFFS

2 eggs, beaten
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup milk
2 cups sifted flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 T butter

Crisco or oil for deep frying

1/2 cup sugar
1/4 tsp nutmeg or cinnamon or…

powdered sugar

Mix ingredients, dip batter by spoonful into oil, fry ’em. Let cool on paper towels.

Roll in sugar/nutmeg, sugar/cinnamon or powdered sugar.

“Mmm… donuts…” — Homer Simpson

Candy Cane Cookies

1 cup sugar
1 cup butter or margarine, softened
1/2 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon peppermint extract
1 egg
3 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon red food color
2 tablespoons finely crushed peppermint candies
2 tablespoons sugar

1. Stir together 1 cup sugar, the butter, milk, vanilla, peppermint extract and egg in large bowl. Stir in flour, baking powder and salt. Divide dough in half. Stir food color into 1 half. Cover and refrigerate at least 4 hours.

2. Heat oven to 375ºF.

3. Stir together peppermint candy and 2 tablespoon sugar; set aside.

4. For each candy cane, shape 1 rounded teaspoon dough from each half into 4-inch rope by rolling back and forth on floured surface. Place 1 red and white rope side by side; press together lightly and twist. Place on ungreased cookie sheet; curve top of cookie down to form handle of cane.

5. Bake 9 to 12 minutes or until set and very light brown. Immediately sprinkle candy mixture over cookies. Remove from cookie sheet to wire rack. Cool completely, about 30 minutes.

Bon appetit!

From the files:

Suzanne’s World Famous Candy Cane Cookies

My Dear Granny has been gone almost seven months now. (Do you need her recipe for Lemon Bundt Cake with Orange Glaze Heartbreak?) We made it through the first Mother’s Day without her, her birthday, most of our birthdays… now the big holidays are coming up. And my sister’s wedding. My stupid surgery. My lungs hurt, and I’m always such a baby when I’m sick. Seriously, I alternate between calling my mom, my grandma, and my girlfriends. Steve and the kids totally baby me. I get bronchitis and pneumonia is why.

I could write an essay, “What Getting a Cold Means to Me: Fear of Bronchial Pneumonia.”

I’ve gotten bronchitis once, twice, three times a year, pretty much, since I was 12. Once in awhile I go for two or three years with just little colds, nothing more, I’m all yes, no more bronchitis, my lungs are strong, then boom. I get worried the antibiotics won’t work. If it’s viral, they don’t do anything, anyway. So I’m thinking of all those times when it was probably viral and the doctors and I panicked, treated with antibiotics, anyway.

Who knows what the hell to do when your lungs betray you.

“Girl, you’re burning the candle at both ends,” was what my Granny would tell me. “That’s why you get bronchitis.”

Colds without laryngitis, she was convinced, did not lead to bronchitis. Laryngitis = bronchitis. I must say, she has been right on that one every time. Ah, well. We’ll see, okay? I have been losing my voice off and on the last couple of weeks. I talk too much, anyway. haha. Can always blog.

I got the nicest e-mail the other night, from a lady my Granny went to church with. She wanted to know, have I finished Granny’s cookbook yet? (That I started, what, five years ago?) No, I have not. It was like getting an e-mail kick in the pants, which I needed, ha.

I love this lady. She and my Granny talked on the phone often, she said, especially Sunday night, when they would discuss the sermon at church. They worked on the senior luncheons and holiday luncheons together.

“I loved her outlook on life. I thoroughly enjoyed her commentary on life. And I miss her encouragement and good humor about life. Losing her has been a tremendous loss for a lot of us.”

Yeah. I just smiled and got misty all the way through this e-mail — it was like getting a hug from my Granny. Then she gave me some recipes, and told me to let her know when we get the cookbook done. (I’m hoping we finish it over the holidays — just need to cut and paste the files together. I think we’re going to do it as an on-demand print job through Cafe Press.)

love,

wm

Apple Pizza

Crust (or make pastry for 2-crust pie)

Add the first 4 ingredients and mix with a pastry blender or fork until fine grained:

2 c. flour, sifted

3/4 c. shortening

1 2 tsp. sugar

1 tsp. salt

In separate dish, mix these 3:

2 egg (2 T.)

2 tsp. vinegar

3 c. cold water

Add the egg and water mixture to the flour mixture. Gather dough together so it cleans the bowl. Chill at least 15 minutes.

Cinnamon mixture

2 c. sugar

1 tsp. cinnamon

3 tsp. nutmeg

Mix these 3 together.

Apples — 4-5 peeled and finely sliced.

Topping

Blend together:

1 c. flour

2 c. sugar

2 c. margarine

Roll pastry to about 15-inch circle on cookie sheet or pizza pan.

Slice apples on top.

Sprinkle cinnamon mixture over topping.

Sprinkle on topping mixture. Bake 20-25 min. at 450 E . (Check at 15 min. — you don’t want it to get too brown.)

GRAMA’S SUGAR COOKIES

Beat well:

1 c. sugar

1 c. butter (2 cubes)

2 tsp. vanilla

1 egg

Sift:

3 c. flour

2 tsp. cream of tartar

2 tsp. baking soda

Add to sugar mixture and mix well.

Drop by large spoonsful onto greased cookie sheet. Flatten with a greased glass dipped in sugar. Bake at 400 E for 8-10 min. (watch carefully) or until lightly browned. ENJOY!

UNSTUFFED PEPPER SOUP

2 lbs. ground beef

3 large green peppers, chopped

1 large onion, chopped

2 cans (14 2 oz.) beef broth

2 cans condensed tomato soup (undiluted)

1 can (28 oz.) crushed tomatoes, undrained

1 can (4 oz.) mushroom stems & pieces, drained

2 cups cooked rice

In a Dutch oven or large saucepan, cook the beef, green peppers and onions until meat isn’t pink. Drain off fat. Stir in broth, soup, tomatoes and mushrooms. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for at least 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add rice, heat through and serve.

Yield: 10 servings