It’s time for the Thursday Thirteen again, and IT’S TIME FOR MY BIRTHDAY this weekend. 43??? Yes, forty-three. I love you 43, cuz you’re not 23 or 53. (But 33 would be alright again. I liked being 33 1/3 — a long-playing record!) You know what I want for my birthday? Clothes. New clothes. Skirts, tights, dresses, lingerie, maybe a few new blouses and some shoes. And a personal shopper, because I hate trying on clothes — the lights, the dressing rooms, the back and forth, this is too small, this is too big…

Would that be the best birthday, or what? Just me, some silk, cotton and linen, and someone to say “Fabulous, darling”…

(Edited to say: My husband swiped my idea! And my pajamas!)

13 Favorite Clothing Items of Mine, Past and Present:

13. A leopard-print flannel shirt that had “Wildcat” embroidered on the pocket.

12. A mustard-yellow bowling jacket that was embroidered “Rita” on the pocket.

11. A vintage rayon dress I bought for five bucks in the East Village in New York, at a big clothing warehouse. Black, with a pattern of white swirls. Long, simple, slinky, with buttons up the front, short sleeves, a v-neck. I wore it ’til it was in tatters.

10. A short blue and white flowered cotton dress I bought at the same place, same day, same price. It kinda looked like a flapper dress. It was the perfect summer dress.

9. The sexy, perfect, tight little black dress I wore all through college. Sigh.

8. The turquoise tank top I wear all the time now.

7. My wedding dress.

6. The red maternity dress my husband bought me when I was hugely pregnant with our first baby and too fat for all the other maternity clothes (the “Pregnancy Kit” with shirt, skirt, leggings; the khakis; the shorts) he’d already bought me. Ditto the blue denim maternity dress with Winnie the Pooh on the front that I wouldn’t have been caught dead in any other time. It was so roomy, and had pockets. It was summertime. The weather was too damn hot. I wore it for a month straight.

5. My Ann Taylor jeans.

4. My Old Navy white dress shirt. Plain, one pocket. Goes with everything. I’m wearing it right now!

3. The sundress and matching scarf my mom made for me when I was six — it was a long granny dress, white fabric with a pattern of tiny blue and yellow flowers. She added turquoise piping and a matching scarf. It was my favorite outfit ever, to this day.

2. My Levi jean jacket. That I lost. And the Iowa Hawkeyes jean jacket. That I lost. And my new Levi jean jacket, that I hope to never misplace. (I have a history of misplacing jackets. I’m on my seventh fleece jacket as of this writing.)

1. My blue string bikini underpants that my ex stole when he moved out. Freak!

Happy Thursday!!!

Edited to say: Thanks, Tink, who reminds us: June 21 “we celebrate Litha, also known as Midsummer, Summer Solstice, Alban Heruin, Sun Blessing, Feill-Sheathain, Vestalia, Thing-tide, All Couples Day, Feast of Epona, Saint John’s Day, Ivan Kupala Day or Gathering Day.” Happy Solstice, all!

I’m definitely in the mood for Thursday Thirteen this week. Oh. Man. Has it been a looooooong school year or is it just me? I thought we had one of the shortest school years in the nation? Oh, all those Wednesdays and Thursdays off, I guess they mean. They add up.

Yesterday wasn’t the last day of school for my kids (who are now proud to be kindergarten and third grade students-in-waiting), but it sure felt like it. It was field day! Water balloons, dumping buckets of water on each other, the long dash, the frisbee toss… fun.

13. Goodbye, Bruno. I hope over the summer you learn to stop stabbing yourself with scissors. I also kinda hope you try out a different school. One where they have more counselors? (more…)

I was the neighborhood foosball champion, growing up. Did you know that, Internet? That’s right. I even got a first-place trophy when they had a tournament because I kicked ass at foosball. At pool? Not so much. But I still played all the time. That’s because instead of going to the library, I hung out at our local underage poolhall. That’s where I was Aug. 16, 1977, when I found out Elvis Aaron Presley had just died. It was a real shocker to me, finding out the King was gone, because although I was only 13 years old, I was already a huge Elvis fan. (more…)

Dear Thursday Thirteeners and the Usual Suspects,

Is food an issue at your house? It isn’t here since my father-in-law taught me this neat trick: Just give them whatever they want.

13 Things My Kids Will Eat

13. Dinner out. Always. Seven nights a week would be good by them.

12. “Dino Mac!” (Annie’s Organic Mac and Cheese) “Not that other kind! Dino Mac!”

11. Cheese pizza

10. Waffles & pancakes

9. Strawberries? No. Raspberries.

8. Raspberry & strawberry breakfast bars

7. Chocolate milk & hot cocoa

6. Cheese sandwiches! And tomato soup!

5. “I like when you turn off the computer and make Dino Mac for me!” (No doing until I’ve posted. Sorry, kid.) “Dino Nuggets!” (Chicken nuggets from Costco.)

4. Bagels with cream cheese & any kind of jam. No, just raspberry.

3. Ice cream, cookies & candy

2. “And cake!”

1. Spaghetti with marinara and tons of fresh grated parmesan.

Dear 13ers,

Look at me!!! Look at me now, please. (Jumping up and down.) Thank you for stopping by.

Dear Regulars,

Howdy. You’re pretty. Did you bring me a cappucino?

Love,

WM

13 Little Prayers

1) “Better than a hundred years lived in ignorance,
without contemplation, is one single day of life
lived in wisdom and in deep contemplation.
Better than a hundred years lived in idleness and in
weakness is a single day of life lived with courage
and powerful striving.
Better than a hundred years not considering how all
things arise and pass away is one single day of life
if one considers how all things arise and pass
away.
Better than a hundred years not seeing one’s own
immortality is one single day of life if one sees
one’s own immortality.”

— the Dhammapada

2) “Night is drawing nigh.
For all that has been –
Thanks!
For all that shall be –
Yes!”

— Dag Hammarskjold

3) “It is prayer that restores to
us the ability to feel, to see,
and to appreciate.”

— Reuven Hammer

4) “i thank you God for most this
amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of
trees
and for a blue tree dream of sky;and
for everything
which is natural which is infinite
which is yes”

— ee cummings

5) “Like a gold beacon signaling
on a moonless night,
Tao guides our passage through this
transitory realm.
In moments of darkness and pain
remember all is cyclical.
Sit quietly behind; your wooden
door:
Spring will come again.”

— Loy Ching Yuen

6) “Earth our mother, breathe forth life
all night sleeping
now awaking
in the east
now see the dawn

Earth our mother, breathe and waken
leaves are stirring
all things moving
new day coming
life renewing.”

— Pawnee prayer

7) “Bless
something small
but infinite
and quiet.

There are senses
make an object
in their simple
feeling for one.”

— “A Prayer”
Robert Creeley

8) “This ritual is one.
The food is one.
We who offer the food are one.
The fire of hunger is also one.
All action is one.
We who understand this are one.”

— Ancient Hindu blessing

9) “ Prayer is for the soul, what
food is for the body. The
blessing of one prayer lasts
until the next, just as the
strength gained from one
meal lasts till the one after.”

— Jewish prayer

10) “But give me the strength that
waits upon You in silence and
peace. Give me humility in which
alone is rest, and deliver me from
pride which is the heaviest of
burdens.”

— Thomas Merton

12) “The most powerful prayer, one
well nigh omnipotent, and the
worthiest work of all is the
outcome of a quiet mind.”

— Meister Eckhart

13) “It’s fun to have fun/
but you have to know how.”

— “The Cat in the Hat”
Dr. Seuss

Thirteeners! It’s still Thursday, if my calendar is right. I am not too late to post. I am short on time, however, as my husband just left for a baseball game with his buddy, leaving me in charge of bedtime for two small children.

It’s a shocker, really, having to put my own kids to bed. But since I’ve started back to work (it feels so weird to type that), he’s been totally responsible for getting them out the door in the morning. So it’s only fair.

Here ya go: 13 Things I’d Blog About Right Now if I Could Grab a Minute (or Ten). (And no links, cuz no time. Sorry.)

1) My love for General Hospital and Land of the Lost and their weird correlation in my head.

2) A treatise on the magic of duct tape.

3) Teen Parenthood: Why It’s a Great Idea, as written by frazzled 42-year-old housewife. Oops, working outside of the home wife.

4) My new schedule and why it rocks! (Except for mid-afternoon, when I can barely keep my eyes open cuz I get up so early now. And once we get home, when I survey the chaos around me. Don’t forget the immortal words of Erma Bombeck: It takes wet laundry three days to mold.) How in spite of all this… I love working. I love earning my own money. I love getting a break. I love being around people who don’t chant SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS spongebob square pants SPONGE BOB! SQUARE PANTS! all. frickin’. day. long.

5) Dress codes. My office has one and the kids’ school does not. Q&A with myself.

6) Potatoes! Corn! Hollyhocks! And all the wonders of my garden and yard. A photo essay.

7) How I bit my tongue and didn’t scream, “TAKE HER BACK TO THE POUND! QUICK! NOW!!!! BEFORE YOU GET MORE ATTACHED TO HER!” when my co-worker described her sweet lil black Lab pup. Aren’t Labs the best? So well-behaved! Except for when she tore out her stitches after surgery. And destroyed the flower bed. And how she keeps them up all night, because she’s lonely. I just showed her a picture of Wacky Dog and smiled.

8) My husband’s beloved Buffalo Sabres. Will they bite the dust in the series?

9) My intrigue with the book “The Feminine Mistake,” by Leslie Bennetts. Can I blog about it without stoking the fires of the Mommy Wars? Yes, I believe I can.

10) Lice. Are we shut of them for good, pray tell?

11) Kids. Why I’m Thrilled I Have Two and Not More. Would include a sidebar: Must every conversation include one of the following: Butts, underwear (their own and other people’s), people’s butts being set on fire, people who can set other people’s butts on fire, poop, pee, farting, booties, how they are Lords of the Buttfire? (I just read that paragraph aloud to them and they literally crashed onto the floor laughing.)

12) Summer plans. Including a discussion of why I won’t be able to hang out laundry because neighbor’s cherry tree is insane out of control. Includes a brief re-cap of the discussion I had with my tree guy, who advised that we move rather than mess with this tree. Sidebar: Will we ever move? An update.

13) My inability to plan ahead.

Happy Thursday, everyone.

WM

Hola, what’s happening, 13ers? Do my kids like to watch movies? They can watch the hell out of a movie! Or thirteen.

Happy Thursday!

Our 13 Favorite Flicks Ever, Kid-Wise

13. Prehistoric Planet

12. Cheaper by the Dozen (One, not Two)

11. Muppets from Space

10. The Little Vampire

9. Homeward Bound

8. Nanny McPhee

7. Matilda

6. Home movies from when they were babies (these are my favorite movies, too)

5. The Aristocats (Aristocats! Not the Aristocrats!)

4. Land Before Time series

3. Molly: American Girl

2. Wallace and Gromit

1. The Apple Dumpling Gang

13ers,

Have I been happy lately? If you read this blog regularly, you’re probably shaking your head and saying, “She’s not happy.” But the winds, they are changing. Still, here are…

13 Things I’d Rather Be Doing Right Now

13. Getting my nails done.

12. Running off to Rio, Rio by the sea-o.

11. Hiring a babysitter. Oh, wait… I did!

10. Celebrating our ten-year anniversary. Early.

9. Drinking a vodka-7. Oh, wait… I am!

8. Watching “The Office” and dang it — it’s not on ’til tomorrow night.

7. Watching “Lost” and dang it — it’s not on for four hours and 20 minutes.

6. Eating Indian food with mango lassi, relish and chutney. And naan. Oh, naan, how I adore thee.

5. Playing with a little puppy, then sending him home with someone else so they can pay his vet bills.

4. Watching the maid fold the laundry.

3. Having a “Land of the Lost” marathon with the kids instead of fixing dinner.

2. Hearing my son’s take on Shakespeare. “This is stupid! I don’t understand what this language even is!” No, actually I’m glad I’m not doing that.

1. Experiencing springtime in New York — the black squirrels in Central Park, a little shopping in the East Village, maybe going to a Broadway show, then going out to see the Statue of Liberty.

Hello 13ers,

Do you think it’s a quincidence that Vicki Phillips, much-disliked superintendent of Portland Public Schools, would resign on the same day she gets the letter Hockey God and I sent her, demanding that the district change their slacker, inadequate lice policy?

Do you? Yeah, me neither. People, that is no coincidence. That is my superpowers at work.

My Thirteen Superpowers, by Wacky Mommy

1. I got Vicki Phillips to resign with just one letter.

2. My ability to be patient with my children, even when they’re playing “Butt Ball.” (It involves one person bouncing on a whoopee cushion while the other person tries to push them off. Wacky Boy: “IT’S LIKE GOLF, ONLY YOU PLAY IT WITH YOUR BUTT!”
Wacky Girl: “PUSH THAT BALL WITH YOUR BOOTY.”

3. I have eyes in the back of my head. With them, I can do many things. Just ask my kids.

4. I saw Hockey God, my future husband, sitting on his front porch, drinking a beer, and thought: i will marry him someday. And I did.

5. My ability to fix dinner, do the dishes, answer the phone, answer the front door, do laundry, feed the cats and give them their medicine all at the same time.

6. When I was 19 and living with my best girlfriend, she had some wild boys over and I told, “Eh, that one is bad.” Turned out he was an escaped convict from the Rocky Butte Jail. (No lie!)

7. I can tell when my mom is lying when she says, “Yes, I read your blog all the time.” She never reads it! Mom, read this blog, dammit.

8. Once I knew that the car I was in was going to crash. No, I was not driving, smartass. I not only knew that it was going to crash, I knew that we would be going down a steep hill, out of control, with no brakes. Hours later, this premonition came true. Strange, no? I was able to keep my head and all was fine. (After this, I listened to the premonitions.)

9. I have mad homeschool teacher skilz (See Item 2, above).

10. I can make you forget all your troubles with just one visit to my site.

11. I can make you itch with just one more visit to my site.

12. I can sleep 12 hours at a stretch. Well, I could if I didn’t have to feed children.

13. I can come up with a list of thirteen things at the drop of a hat.

Have a superfine week, everyone.

WM

Oh, that’s right. It’s almost Thursday here.

Without further ado, Wacky House presents…

Why My Mom Is So Great
By Wacky Girl

13. She’s funny.

12. She’s nice.

11. She’s cool.

10. She likes to play with me. (But she writes too much. “Like now!” Wacky Boy, yelling from across the room.)

9. She bakes excellent cookies. My favorites are chocolate chip and Mexican Wedding Cakes.

8. She takes me to places, like Finnegan’s!

7. We like to garden and play in the yard.

6. In the summer, we have “dive-in movies.” (We set up the laptop on the patio table and the kids swim in the wading pool. Free and easy. WM)

5. She reads Nancy Drew with me.

4. She likes some of the things I do, like watching TV and playing games and reading books.

3. We play Girls Club.

2. We both love chocolate.

1. Sometimes on Easter, we eat chocolate bunnies and racecars, broken up into a bowl of popcorn, while we watch Eloise movies.

(This was her idea, I swear! And how sweet is this kid? Sweeter than a chocolate bunny, that’s for sure. WM)