I just logged back on to look something up on the Internet, something important, something that’s been bugging me All. Day. Long!!! and now I cannot remember what the heck it was. Instead I’m thinking, oooh, sparkly! Shiny! And my husband, looking over my shoulder, calls out, “You need a new look.” (For the blog, I think he means, not a “girly makeover” or some crap.)

Still. Can’t. Remember what the HECK I needed to find out???

You call that “webnesia.”

Rants:

* Road rage. Pool rage. Piano lesson rage. Political rage. Me, all week. Rage, rage, rage. Rage on.

* I don’t mind if you have a big truck. I do mind if you fucking don’t know how to drive it. Man up, would you?

* When I’m stopped for a pedestrian, don’t lay on your horn behind me, pissed that I didn’t run the pedestrian over instead of stopping. Show some compassion, would you? Don’t scream “Bitch!” at me, then get out of your car like you’re going to kick my ass. Don’t even attempt to kick my ass. Why don’t you go out on the street and practice falling down for awhile, first? For reals.

* You. Mom at the Pool. I hate you, lady, and here’s why. When you hovercraft, side of pool, it distracts the other kids in the lesson. It pisses them off. When you kick off your fancy sandals and step in the pool, you are looming over the little Angelfish. That pisses me off. You look huge, lady. Even though you’re one of those skinny wenches who prides herself on it. You look huge to them, looming. Then when you get your shorts all wet, because you’re wading in so far? That’s insane. Do a private lesson, and swim with the kid, why don’t you? Or take him to family play swim, or something. Anything.

* “Different parenting styles!!!” No duh.

* Then when you tell your kid, “Do it! Do it, honey! See? The other kids are doing Ring Around the Rosy, see? DO IT, HONEY!!!” at that point? You piss off the swim instructor, all the other parents, and the kids selling concessions and checking people in.

* I want to smack you upside the head, Mom at the Pool. Especially when you’re leaving, and you insist that your little lovey-wovey-dovey put on his flip-flops “Now, honey. DO IT, HONEY! No? OK, then, I’m leaving. I’M LEAVING. I am! Good-bye! Goodbye!” (Did you notice the way your kid was glaring at you? You’ve majorly, thoroughly, pissed him off, too.) (Did you notice the way he didn’t give a damn that you were leaving? That’s because he is not happy, your kid.) Then when you screamed, “GET OVER HERE! NOW!” from across the lobby? At that point, I am not the only one who wanted to push you in the pool, pretty sandals and all.

* I’m tired, Internets. Why won’t people behave?

Now, the raves:

* Yes. It’s The Bacon Show. (That one’s for Amalah.)

* And… isn’t summertime so bitchin’?

Oh. My God.

Now, three good books that landed on my desk this week that I’m sorry, but I am too toasted to post about (sorry, y’all, but at least you’re getting some linky love here):

Today’s books:

I kinda like Twitter. It’s faster than this.

My daughter she is getting braces next month. No more gum, no Laffy Taffy, no caramel apples. (Yay! says her mom.)

“The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.”

— Anatole France, novelist, essayist, Nobel laureate (1844-1924)

PS — whoops, our sites were down all night, apparently. They were tired! Up and running now, sorry for any inconveniences you may have experienced. Here’s a funny clip for you to make up for it.

The drive-in is open again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not reviewing, but reading:

Listening to:
X, Brooks & Dunn, Amy Winehouse, more X, Tom Petty, classical, jazz, Steve Winwood (Spencer Davis Group), Joe Cocker, anything to make me feel better.

Watching:
We Own the Night, more Wire (season 2 still), Picnic at Hanging Rock, The Player, Bob Roberts, Michael Clayton, General Hospital, Dancing with the Stars, baby!

For dinner we had:
Homemade pizza people, with cheese for hair and olives for eyes, noses and mouths; fresh, organic asparagus roasted with a little olive oil, salt and pepper. Chocolate brownie cake for dessert.

I’m looking at:
My kids playing, my husband’s smile, our cats playing, the flowers blooming outside.

Wanting:
To feel all better.

* health problems. third verse, same as the first. I am ready for some resolution and no more feeling like hell.

* power struggles. why? Why why why? They are so stupid. I’m getting better at sidestepping, but it’s always a challenge.

* end of the school year. so much left to accomplish.

* the weather.

* the allergies.

* my kids who are such night owls that it can be 9, 10, 11 or midnight, and they will be awake.

* exhaustion (see, above: vampire children who refuse to sleep)

* the clutter. on my desk, the end tables, the dining room table, my desk(s) at work (I have three. Neat, huh? Means I can mess up three separate areas.)

* school politics: always a challenge

* Girl Scouts. We love Girl Scouts, but life keeps conspiring against it.

* my inconstancy

* my mood swings

* my ex’s mom passed away, and I feel so bad for him and his family. I loved his family — they are amazing. But when it’s an ex, you can’t exactly show up to comfort, can you? Maybe I can drop some food off? Or send a fruit basket? Advice, internets? (This is someone I ended on very good terms with — we just don’t see each other because. you know. I’m married. He’s not.)

* i think that’s it. Send good thoughts my way tomorrow — i have to have a minor surgery and am nervous.

xxox

wm

Thirteen Things I Loved About Sleeping at the Zoo

My little Girl Scout and I spent the night at the Oregon Zoo awhile back — they have these overnighters called “Zoo Snoozes.” There were a few things I didn’t like. Sleeping in a conference room, aka Cold Concrete Bunker, with a bunch of Girl Scouts and their mommies who we didn’t know from Adam; the cold (it was early February), the rain (this being Portland). The “continental breakfast” — fruit loops and donuts. Yick. But mostly? It was a blast.

1) We got to walk around. In the dark. And say hi to the animals.

2) The giraffe? The giraffe is such a sweetheart. They let us go into the keeper’s room — he stuck his head through an open window so he was eye-level with us. Big purple tongue, big sweetie of a beast. He is lonely for attention — he lost his partner and doesn’t have a friend anymore. He seemed to really like the kids, and the company.

3) We made “cookies” out of meat for the Sun Bears.

4) We went into the icy-cold freezer to see all the zoo food, and they gave us a nutrition lesson in the zoo kitchen. Monkey chow? Zebra chow? Lorikeet nibbles? I had no idea how much prep time went into feeding the staff’s “babies.” (And they really do consider the animals to be family. I was impressed with their courtesy, their respect for the animals, their enthusiasm in talking with the kids about their jobs. A couple of them said, “When I was a kid, I always wanted to work with animals — and now I do!”)

5) We learned a lot about elephants. Elephants, one of the most popular zoo animals, are the one animal you should truly not, never ever, cage. (Ditto jaguars and cheetahs.) They need to walk for miles and miles to keep their feet and legs healthy, and what zoos — even the best zoos — do to elephants is criminal. (Also monkeys. Monkeys at the zoo break my heart.) (I don’t really do so well at the zoo — I want to free all the animals.) (Except the snakes.) (Sorry, snakes.) (And I would probably leave the tarantulas and hissing cockroaches alone.)

6) The kids got to carry around clipboards and do “research” — it was educational for them, observing the animals, trying to guess what they were thinking, about to do next, wanting, etc.

7) The farm animals were fun, especially the little goats and bunnies.

8) I liked having some time alone with my daughter. We try to do one-on-one with the kids as much as we can. It was fun staying up late in our sleeping bags, after a late-night snack of hot cocoa and popcorn, working on our knitting, giggling. She had a lot of fun, and appreciated doing something completely out of the ordinary.

9) The guides (teenagers) were goofy and thoughtful and knew lots of facts. They were great with the little kids.

10) The zoo at night is the perfect place to let your imagination run wild. I jotted some things down in my journal — observations, ideas — it was good.

11) I wanted to bring a hedgehog or monkey in to sleep with us, but no go.

12) In the morning, we found out it had snowed overnight. It was fantastic. The kids were giddy and the grown-ups were, too.

13) We hiked up and out of the zoo, and along the way saw a peacock, feathers out, happy and proud, strutting along the main path. Then we got to see one of the Siberian tigers we hadn’t seen the night before. They like the snow — it’s in their blood. He was so gorgeous and quiet — he lay staring at us for the longest time, as if to say, “Beautiful day here, isn’t it?” It was perfect. I’ve never had eye contact with a tiger before. (I was glad he was waaaaaaaaaay over there and not, you know, right up close.)

Happy Thursday, everyone!

love,

WM

That’s right, they haven’t come back yet
But when they do, they say they are
Going to free all the animals from their cages
No matter how new or modern
Even some pets, too
So if on your way home today
You happen to find…

Joshua Giraffe, Joshua, Joshua
Joshua Giraffe, Joshua, Joshua
(woo hoo!)

— Raffi

Post-a-vista No. 7: Our girl, RECOVERING STRAIGHT GIRL!!!

RSG, this is everyone. Everyone, this is the RSG! There! It’s done. Now we all know each other. (I highly recommend reading through her archives — so much “there” there. I love spying on people via their archives, don’t you?)

So, Post-a-vistas!!!

If the system makes you want to “tweak,” then maybe you need tweaking!!!

Time will tell!!!

In the meantime, RSG lives with her amazingly hott girlfriend (I’ve seen pictures so I know) and RSG’s three beautiful daughters in a suburb not so very far away from moi. She goes to a lot of soccer and softball games! She has people drop by specifically because they want to fix meals for her!!! She is politically savvy and also an English major! So let’s hear what SHE has to say!!!

1. Describe your family:

My family consists of my amazing partner in life, HG and my three daughter’s who are 9, almost 11, and 13.

2. Name one thing America is doing right for parents (I, personally, would find this question “challenging.” wm):

I think the Family Medical Leave Act of the early 90’s was a good start. I believe that Oregon has just expanded this to include some paid time off but I’m not certain of the particulars. I don’t know, that $400.00 Bush sent me in 2001 was nice . . . (please note heavy sarcasm here.) I was pleased with the recent law that requires employers to provide a spot for mothers to nurse or pump their milk for their babies (that is NOT a bathroom.)

3. Name one thing America is not doing right for parents:

Let me get my list.

First: Women need to have true and honest access to information about their birth options and should be able to exercise their birth options with support from their healthcare provider; women should be active participants in their birth experiences, this is the first act of parenting. Parents need paid time off for having babies, mother’s need to be supported to breastfeed at LEAST through the first year of their babies life and hopefully beyond. All children (and people) have a right to quality healthcare. Women need to have viable options in regards to working part-time/flex-time/work from home so that they can be there for their children. Parents should be able to send their children to college without mortgaging their homes or going into debt.

4. What’s one parenting issue that really “riles you up,” makes you ready to work for change:

The birth issue is probably my biggest issue. Women are so mis-treated during their birth experiences — most of the time they don’t even realize that they are being mis-treated. It’s abusive and wrong and women need to be given back their power to birth their children the way that they want to, not the way the medical establishment thinks that they should. It’s patronizing and archaic and depleting to a woman’s self-esteem. It’s her first lesson in advocating for her child, and our society strips this from her. (Hear, hear! wm)

5. Who’s gonna get your vote for President ’08 & why? (feel free to ignore this question):

I honestly have not decided. I’ve been torn from the beginning. The “girl power” thing is what keeps me from committing to Obama — but it hasn’t been enough for me to commit to Ms. Clinton.

6. Name one thing Post-a-Vistas could do to be a better place?:

Show more boob shots, definitely. (She promises to send a boob shot later. wm)

7. What’s your fave thing about parenting?:

I don’t really like anything about it; I don’t really like kids that much. Just kidding. I love snuggling with my girls and when they tell me how much they love me. I love teaching them things and seeing them experience different parts of life for the first time. Even my oldest at 13, learns things every single day, just like she did when she was three, only the lessons are way different.

8. Anything else you think we should know about you?:

I’m a pretty passionate person who gets heavily involved in whatever project is in front of me at the time. Right now I would say that my issue is equal rights and protections for all people because for the first time in my life I am being treated like a second class citizen based solely on who I love. This isn’t right and I’m not going to take it sitting down.

Thanks for playing, RSG!!! Keep coming back, it works!

quote of the day:

“Clear eyes full hearts can’t lose!”