One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch.

The End

(That was courtesy of Zip.)

Listen, my friends, if you are still out there, that is? Are you there? ?Si o no? It was a rough day today. It has been a rough few months, I think you have probably already figured this out. I cannot give details. But I will tell you this… I am lucky to have you, and I am blessed to still have my grandma. How many of us can say this, once we hit our forties?

I am 44, my grandma is 88. I called her on our last birthdays (they’re a week apart) and told her, You are double my age! She thought that was hiiiiii-larious. I love my granny for a lot of reasons, but the number one reason is 1) she will always talk about my cousin with me, when I am missing him and the second reason I love her so is 2) she’s zany.

It is tough seeing her down and not feeling well and not hardly zany at all. I am not feeling very zany, either. I cry all the time now, from stress, from my grandma being sick, from this flu/cold thing that won’t leave. Because right now everything makes sense and nothing makes sense.

It looks like my family leave will be approved (for 12 weeks, unpaid except for the first bit of it), and that’s about the only good thing I can say for today. Not true — L took me out for lunch. We had soup and lattes. And she gave me two books! (Nothing says “love” to a librarian like books.) I fixed manicotti and broccoli for dinner, that was good. I mean — fake it til you make it with this motherhood thing, eh? The kids worked on homework and piano and they worked extra hard on “being kids” which is where they shine the brightest. Now I’m going to watch Jeopardy with my husband and try to not be distracted.

I have a couple of little projects I’m working on. I’m also working on the big project of finishing my Grandma’s cookbook that I started way back when — it’s almost ready for production (ie — Hockey God will take over).

Mom and I went out to see Grandma today — she was sick all morning, after having an okay day yesterday. She slept most of the afternoon. That is good, she needs her rest. And when she’s sleeping, she’s not throwing up. The nausea is doing her in. (The doctors are trying to figure it out — I’m blaming the Ativan, which is supposed to help with nausea but sometimes has the opposite effect.)

I have never seen my Grandma sleep. Ever. She goes, goes, goes. She looked just like an angel, and that was too intense because… I’m not ready for her to be an angel. I want her to keep on being wild and out-of-control and stirring up trouble.

It never occurred to me until today that my Grandma might stop being wild someday.

Please keep sending her good thoughts, would you? I don’t want her to be hurting. I don’t know when we’ll feel zany around here again, but it will be a long while, is my guess.

A hybrid model of learning? What do you think? Go comment, if you are so inclined.

Not as much for me as it does for my Granny, who is convinced she will die soon, go to Heaven (her heaven is Capitalized), find my Grandpa, slap him silly for being the one to die first and leave her, and then start a new family with him.

Presumably so their babies will be cuter this time around.

(Just kidding. My mom is adorable.)

Hmm.

Do you have any thoughts on Heaven? Or Hell?

Please share.

wm

After a slammin’ great season, my beloved Lady Demos (shown here last season) lost tonight to Willamette at the University of Portland. The Nekkid Neighbors and I would like you to join us in a few moments of mourning.

Ready?

Thank you.

We love you, Demos. Thanks for playing so hard.

A Peek Inside the Fishbowl

Shim and Sons

Mommy Track’d

Literary Mama

Ma Petite Chouchou, Laetitia

2+2=INSANITY!

MamaToo is right — it gets to be spring and I just want to clean house and get the hell out of town. And I don’t mean a weekend at the beach — I mean move away. With Steve and the kids, of course.

My grandma is doing okay. (You want to know her motto? Yep.) (Also, here is her recipe for Pineapple Upside-Down Cake.)

She’s hating the physical and occupational therapists. She likes half of her nurses and wants the other half fired.

To her nurse who is African (from Nigeria): “Ooooh, you speak English really well!”
me: (crashing head into hands)
nurse: “We were colonized by the British, so we actually do speak English! And I’ve been here 24 years.”
me (in my head): I love you, nice nurse.

So, she’s getting back to her old self. It looks like I’ll be able to take some family leave so I can spend time with her — she’s in a rehab center (Wacky Girl: “For drugs?” Nope. But they do give her drugs. Different kind of rehab…). And then she’ll be going back home, it looks like. Pretty good for going on 89 years old.

Here is your video for the day, cuz if I had a boat, I’d get out of Dodge, too. Maybe we will. You just never know til you start driving away. Still not crazy about Portland. The crappy weather, the stupid mayor, the crummy schools. The people who will talk to dogs but not other people. Hi puppy! Aren’t you the cutest wittle bittle puppy-wuppy yum yum yum!

(To all you transplants: Oh… my… GOD!!! Isn’t Portland the best????)

Here’s another favorite — I’ve played this song about a half-million times, I really love it. But this is my favorite version ever — viva la Francine Reed.

Dear “Friends” (and i use the term “loosely”),

Stop inquiring as to whether I would FaceBook or MySpace with you. I will not. Have blog, will travel.

“And now do you like my hat?”
“No, I do not!”
“Goodbye again.”
“Goodbye!”

— “Go, Dog. Go!” — P.D. Eastman

xxox

wm

…obstreperous

PRONUNCIATION:
(ob-STREP-uhr-uhs)

MEANING:
adjective: Noisy or unruly.

ETYMOLOGY:
From Latin obstreperus (clamorous), from ob- (against) + strepere (to make a noise).

(Thank you, Anu.)

my husband: Don’t get out of bed.
me: I’m late to work. Gotta go, Spocky.

coffee lady: “Nice to see ya!”
me: “Nice to see you, too. How’s your art?”
coffee lady: “Great!!!!”

me, on the phone with Zip: “Did I wake you? Oh, I forgot. You don’t sleep, either.”
Zip: “I do. I sleep every morning from 5 til 6:30.”
me: “I sleep from 4:30 til 6.”
Zip: “Well, there ya go then.”

* re: That Woman on Welfare and Her 14 Kids… me: “She had 6 at once and then 8 at once?” my co-worker, “Uh, no. But they were all in vitro.” me: “???” my other co-worker, “Huh. Yeah, I thought it was two pregnancies, 14 kids all together.” All of us, in unison, “What was that fertility doctor thinking?”

* me, on my way to cafeteria duty: “LEAVING FOR DUTY NOW, BYE.”
* my co-worker, not looking up from her computer: “I hope no one pukes on your shoes.”

Why am I writing about work?
Why not?

My grandma? She is still in the hospital. My mom? She is handling it okay, but it’s her mom, y’know? We love our moms, even when they are wacky. Here’s the funniest things my grandma ever says…

She just thinks she’s something, Miss Tits.

or…

Who do you think you are? Little Miss Astor Butt?

(My sister: “Huh?” My great-uncle: “She means ‘Little Miss Astor,’ she just puts the ‘Butt’ in there for fun.” me: “Heh heh heh heh heh.”)

me, to our painter and his wife, who I ran into at the restaurant: “So, this your girlfriend?”
him: “Yeah. I mean NO, it’s my wife!”
me, to his wife: “That would have been awkward, huh? If you were his girlfriend? I mean, that would have put me in an awkward position and all.”
his wife: “Heh heh heh heh.”
me: “Will you come paint my upstairs bathroom? I hate it.”
him: “Sure thing.”

I love our painter.

My girlfriend, just now on the phone: “You and Steve are good, all renegade like this. Just go renegade all the time.”
me: “I don’t think I know how to do it any other way.”

So. How was your day? Details, please.

They set her hip with a pin and she is doing all right. Not great, but all right. Still heavily sedated. Thanks for the good thoughts and e-mails, I appreciate them and she does, too.

xxox

wm