Kid: You’re mean.
Her dad: Why?
Kid: JUST BECAUSE!!!
And then there are Drunk Guys, Figuring Out Their Problems: 1st Guy: Then she just goes and disappears on me! For a whole day!
2nd Guy: Huh.
1st Guy: And she’s all, turning up pregnant and shit. And I’m all, I’m out of here.
2nd Guy: So what you are doing here is setting the record straight.
1st Guy: Right! Cuz I don’t even know if it’s my kid!
2nd Guy: Uh-huh.
Dang, I thought I had problems! I’m good, thanks.
wm
Posted by WackyMommy in Misc. |
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My son tells me he wants to breed guppies. In fact, Grandma broke out all of Grandpa’s old fish-raising and -keeping gear and there was a breeder box in there! Who knew such a thing existed! It’s a clear plastic cube, with two compartments.
“You clip this onto the side, see? You put the mom and the dad in there,” (may I interrupt, please, to say that I have no idea if ours are indeed male/female? One of the guppies does look a little preggers, though) “they have the eggs, they fall through the bottom, see?” (He shows me the slats.) “Then the dad fertilizes them and you have babies! We’ll need another tank.”
Steve: “What do they do to get in the mood? Drink a little wine? Play some Barry White? I’ve been thinking of you all day, baby…“
Enough with the five-gallon tanks. Bah! Ten gallons or 20 gallons or nothing! Yeah. (Secretly I want a 55-gallon tank for living room.) (Or 100 gallons.) We set up another little five-gallon tank. Vixen has a 150-gallon salt water tank. (Cute pix right here.) I am dying of envy over here. I do not know that I am Woman Enough for 150-gallon tank. Also, we have no space. I don’t want them in our cold, drafty, unfinished basement, I want them where I can see them fifty times a day. Aquariums really are soothing (says the stress case who is finally relaxing. Thanks, little fish!).
Hmm. Maybe the kids could share a room? I digress. We got a new snail for the one tank (the other one starved to death. Bad on us. They are vegetarians and enjoy lettuce, cuke slices, and the occasional green bean. Our tank was too clean for him. We loved you, Scarfy.) New tiny tank is now home to two somewhat psychotic guppies, a big snail in a yellow shell and the cutest little wee dwarf frog you ever saw in your life.
“They are one hundred percent underwater!” my son told his dad. (After his dad said, “A frog?”)
He’s got the funniest damn personality. The frog. (But Steve does, too. Heh heh heh.) One of the guppies dive-bombed him, to grab a frog pellet (good luck getting food, frog — I’ll keep trying). He kicked the guppy right in the head with his bitsy-witsy little frog leggie. I don’t think I can adequately describe how teeny he is. Look at your thumbnail. About that big.
Oh. My God. He is allegedly full-grown. All I can think of is that crazy frog from the cartoons because for real — that’s who he reminds me of. Exactly.
“Hello my baby, hello my honey…” Michigan J. Frog!
Posted by WackyMommy in Pets (Stupid) |
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My neighbor loves me. She does. Cuz she got us tickets to Los Lobos and Los Lonely Boys about three months ago or something (they played at the amphitheater at the zoo) and I have been counting it down on my fingers and toes ever since I heard we were going. I’ve seen them I don’t even know how many times, 7, 8, 10 — a lot. They’ve been loyal about coming to Portland since they first started touring. They used to sleep on my friend Fred’s floor when they first started playing here cuz they were broke. And they liked Fred. Because, who wouldn’t? (Who else crashed with him? X. Fishbone. Everyone.) He’s a great guy, plus he looks a lot like Joey Ramone. Even though he has always been too hip for the room, he still let me hang out with him, which I appreciated. Also, Los Lobos weren’t the only ones who were broke. Fred is the one who got me on the guest lists and got me listening to Los Lobos.
I love all of their songs. I can only say that of Tom Petty and of Los Lobos: I love every single song they play. But the song I linked to is the one that undoes me every time. It’s my absolute favorite. Next to “I Got Loaded,” which we won’t talk about because the wine last night, it was good.
Too good.
Bad wine, bad. I can’t drink anymore, people. My metabolism won’t metabolize for me. It bites.
“A quiet voice is singing something to me
An age old song about the home of the brave
In this land here of the free
One time one night in America”
One thing that bugs me about zoo concerts. Well, besides the parking, the pandemonium, the kids chucking frisbees at my head. Only white people there.
My neighbor went to hear the Neville Brothers there and they called out, “Where are all the brothers?”
Yeah, I’m asking the same question.
Great show. Los Lonely Boys is fun, too, but you know. They’re not Los Lobos. Sweeties, I’m sorry. Although midway through the wine, it occurred to me that we could be their grandmothers.
“If they were newborns!” my neighbor scoffed. “We could be their mothers, though.”
You know Miss Wink-Wink, Miss Winky-Binky-Boo, Lelo’s dog? I love her so. Especially when I get to see her in person and ‘nuggle her, and when my kids get to lug her around. She’s luggable and lovable!
Also, she got me a job! Yes, that’s right. (The old one was on contract only, this one is permanent, permanent, as in a regular check and benefits………………….. wooooooooooooooooo…….. benefits, how I love you! And union representation, thank you union. Or would you preferred to be called Union? Thank you, Union!)
Wink brought me The Luck and just a few hours after I saw her, I got The Call.
I am now, for real, Marian the Librarian. Well, Marian the Library Assistant, at any rate.
Yay, Winky. Tell your mommy and RSG to have fun at BlogHer, and everyone else who’s there — have a fun time for me, wouldja?
, 
.