The antibiotics reportedly taste like “GRASS and DIRT! I hope you KNOW THIS!” says my son.

I do know one thing — if you’re yelling and complaining like that, you’re feeling better.

Will keep you all posted. Happy Thursday. Sorry 13ers — no list of my own today. But the whole trying to get the kid to take his antibiotics reminded me of this… I don’t know who wrote it, but it’s awfully funny. xo wm

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL (more…)

I would like if my son would get well, the poor thing. He’s been sick for three weeks now!

Fever: once in awhile, but not super-high, and not high enough to keep him down for long (with the exception of yesterday, when he put himself to bed in the middle of the day.)

Throwing up: one time. Two weeks ago?

Coughing: Constantly, but until this morning, sounded like a “getting better” cough, not an “wheezing, unable to catch breath” cough. Until today.

Runny nose: He’s five. He always has a runny nose.

My nerves: Frayed. (more…)

Thanks to the Wacky Nekkid Neighbors, I now have two full beds of strawberries plants rooting into the rich, crumbly dirt in my back yard.

I have been down. I get the blues, the mean reds, the woe is me tragic-tragics.Thank you again, Naked Sheep. Thanks for the rest of our lives. We love you guys.

I’m talking a rainbow of yarns, in cotton, mohair, angora, acrylic, everything under the sun. They’ve donated needles — straights and circular — patterns, half-finished projects, everything you could think of. Several knitters have stepped up to help.

Three other knitters want to start an afterschool club. To those of you (and you know who you are. And no, you probably aren’t even reading this blog) — to those of you who scoff and act like knitting doesn’t “count.” You’re wrong. It counts.

I’m starting to feel better already.

Pat Buchanan, go take a look in the mirror and guess who won’t be coming to dinner at the White House. I notice comments are closed on that post, just like your mind.

Stop being a racist, baby. It’s 2008.

Love,

WM

In Newberg: ENCHANTED ALPACAS

It saddens me to say that my favorite road sign — WINOS GO HOME! — is no longer posted in Dundee, Oregon. (We like our wineries, okay? Is that wrong?)

But I did spot several other good ones outside of Dundee:

GUN CLUB

FRYER RABBITS NOW

HONEY

NEED A BABYSITTER?

and my favorite:

1 CROSS
3 NAILS
4-GIVEN
HAPPY EASTER!

Right back at ya… Happy Easter (if you celebrate Easter. If not, I say Happy Spring! to you). We stayed at the coast over night in Depot Bay. We slept in a motel, not on a charter boat, don’t get all excited. My son and I both spotted whales migrating north from Mexico to Alaska.

Wacky Boy: “I thought it was a rock, first. But then it moved and then splashed!”

That’s how you know it’s a whale, not a rock. Just in case you ever go whale-watching. Yesterday was sunny and clear, perfect whale-watching weather. Today was overcast and stormy, bad visibility, so we headed home. That’s all…

wm

From the Columbia River Council Girl Scout listserv this morning:

“Girls Scouts behind bars? Be prepared for an unorthodox and transforming story that follows the girls of Austin Texas Troop 1500. Well-versed in the “Be Prepared” mantra of the Girl Scouts, spunky troop leader Julia Cuba guides her girl scouts into the concrete jungle in which their mothers live.

The daughters must continually adapt to new emotional territory, and the mothers find that their best intentions are too often trumped by their weaknesses. With its beautiful camerawork and skillful use of videotaped interviews conducted by the daughters and their moms, “TROOP 1500″ is a candid, moving look at families torn apart by crime but trying to relate beyond prison walls.”

— Orlando Sentinel

“An estimated 1.5 million children have incarcerated parents and 90 percent of female inmates are single parents. Their daughters are six times more likely to land in the juvenile justice system. TROOP 1500 poignantly reveals how an inspired yet controversial effort by the 90+ year old Girl Scouts Organization is working to help these at-risk young girls deal with their unique circumstances and break the cycle of crime within families.

For Personal, Home Use only

ELLEN SPIRO’S DIRECTOR’S CUT

To order a DVD of the Director’s Cut (12 more minutes than TV version) of TROOP 1500 click here. These DVDs are not for public viewing or institutional use. 100% of profits from this special “Director’s Cut” DVD go to a Mobilus Opportunity Fund for the girls in TROOP 1500. The DVDs cost $34.95, plus $4 shipping and handling.

For educational, institutional and public screenings of Troop 1500 please click here.

“At this moment, in this election, we can come together and say: ‘Not this time.’ This time we want to talk about the crumbling schools that are stealing the future of black children, and white children, and Asian children, and Hispanic children and Native American children.

— U.S. Presidential candidate Barack Obama, in Philadelphia, Pa. at Constitution Center, March 18, 2008

“Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.”

— Mother Teresa

“Sweep first before your own door before you sweep the doorsteps of your neighbors.”
— Swedish proverb

I think we can all learn a little something from that quote, don’t you? It’s raining here. It won’t stop until July. Stupid Portland, Oregon, why do I love and hate you in equal portions?

Internets, my kids are getting older. They’re not really liking my spilling my guts to the Internets. This poses a problem because… I blog. I stress, therefore I blog. Also it clears my head. Also you guys always are supportive and have good ideas, or at least offer to crack heads for me. Or bring me some crack. Or at least commit to getting up at the crack of dawn to see if I’ve posted.

That goes a long way with me.

People I attend meetings with, in real life, are not willing to go so far. They are willing to insult my knitting, though. Who would insult someone’s knitting, for pete’s sake? I knit nicely. It’s pretty, my knitting. Do not be rude, you meeting people. You could try bringing me candy, and saying, “Nice scarf!” and “Wow, you teach kids to knit every week? And the customers and owners of the Naked Sheep Knit Shop donate a ton of stuff to the kids? Fantastic! That is so cool of them! Can I learn, too?”

It’s a nice fantasy world, up there in my head. Some people have been really sweet about my knitting classes. Almost everyone, in fact. Just the handful that were rude stand out. I will now shove their comments out the door, sweep them off my steps, and be done with them. I will only remember the people who said, “Excellent work.”

The glow of working outside the home has worn off, by the by. I do not care for meetings so much, it turns out. And yes, Lelo, I’ve turned into a “Meeting Knitter.” Because I can, that’s why. Also, I ate the Girl Scout cookies I was saving for you. (See: Stress, meetings, parenthood, weather, above.) I’ll bake something for you to make up for it. It had to be done, my apologies.

Also, I do not have to worry about getting dooced here because, contrary to public opinion, I AM NOT GETTING PAID. Maybe someday.

So… let’s say someone at your house has started getting insanely hormonal and random, and let’s say that for a change, that someone is not me. (Not that I’m calm and non-hormonal, oh no, I’m just not as hormonal as someone else here is.)

The advice I was given was:

“Hormones are normal and they get worse then better, then worse, then better. This goes on for several years, like 20. I suggest that you start drinking heavily now or abusing prescription drugs like Xanax, Valium, Ativan, or the like. Painkillers work well, and especially work well mixed with alcohol–but DON’T mix them with alcohol AND any of the aforementioned drugs and anti-depressants or you could end up like Heath Ledger.

Just sayin’.”

Can you top that? I don’t think so, but please try, anyway. Ativan makes me puke, but I will consider the other combos. JUST KIDDING in case my mom is reading this.

Happy Friday to y’all.

I was going to write this post two weeks ago, but I got distracted by someone’s smut talk. That’s right. It was her. No, I cannot find the exact post I’m referring to, because I cannot figure out her archives is why. (Blame it on Mac blogs.) Anywho, lots of sex talk, smut talk, shoe talk, California talk over there. Don’t go all crazy.

Thirteeners and Usual Suspects, I am back. And this week, I will make a stunning and daring attempt to visit 50 — yes, fifty — Thursday Thirteen blog posts after I am done here. Wish me luck, because you know how it challenges me when I try to “concentrate” on something for more than 20 minutes at a shot.

Hmmm. Why is this so? I have no idea. All I know is that both Mallory and Rockstar Mommy have given up blogging and I am not so happy about that. It leaves me less than inspired about my own blogging! They inspired me! I am not giving you links to them because what would be the point?

To quote Lewis Grizzard: “Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good myself.”

Without further kvetching, I present…

Thirteen Fun Facts About Fannie Farmer and Frances Farmer:

1) They are not the same person. They are entirely different chicks.

2) Fannie was a Unitarian, thus my Sunday School lesson on her a couple of weeks back.

3) Throughout the class, I was nervous that I was going to say “Frances” when I meant “Fannie.” Frances was accused of being both an atheist and a Communist. Hmm.

4) Perhaps I should have worked this quote into my lesson? “It was pretty sad, because [after the publication of God Dies] for the first time I found how stupid people could be. It sort of made me feel alone in the world. The more people pointed at me in scorn the more stubborn I got and when they began calling me the Bad Girl of West Seattle High, I tried to live up to it.”

5) Sadly, I did not share that quote with the children. Instead, we made muffin mix:

Mae’s Muffins
Adapted from a recipe by Fannie Farmer, the “Mother of Level Measurements.”

Divide batter evenly among muffin cups. Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown. Immediately remove from pan.

We measured the dry ingredients only into gallon zip-lock bags. The kids thought this was excellent. We accidentally added a half-teaspoon of extra salt into the mix we brought home. No matter! We added shredded, unsweetened coconut for our “add-in,” along with some extra sugar, and it turned out great! We made a pan of it, due to the fact that I couldn’t find our muffin tin. It baked at 350 degrees (then 325 degrees, for the last 20 minutes) for about an hour total. Dee-licious.

6) Fannie Farmer worked as a “mother’s helper” for Little Marcia Shaw (this is how she is named in my book) and taught her to cook! Then she wrote down the recipes for her, and that eventually became the “Boston Cooking School Cook Book.”

7) She taught at the school for many, many years.

8) How many? I have no idea!

9) She also wrote a book called “Food and Cookery for the Sick and Convalescent.” She considered this her most important book. When I am sick, all I want is Pad Thai with shrimps and Tom Kha Gai soup. I am seriously doubting that her Food and Cookery book contains these recipes, so I have no plans for purchasing it. I am sorry, Fannie. Also I have no plans for actually cooking Tom Kha or Pad Thai, cuz we have a number of excellent Thai restaurants in my neighborhood where we can go for take-out.

10) Hmm. More on Frances? She supposedly never had a lobotomy, according to Wikipedia. And Wikipedia, as you know, is next to God. Just ask Michael Scott.

“Western State Hospital recorded all the lobotomies performed during Farmer’s period there. Since lobotomies were considered ground-breaking medical procedure, the hospital did not attempt to conceal its work. Although nearly 300 patients received the procedure, no evidence supports a claim that Farmer was among them.”

Newspaper interviews: In 1983 Seattle newspapers interviewed former hospital staff members, including all the lobotomy ward nurses who were on duty during Farmer’s years at Western State. They confirmed that Farmer did not receive a lobotomy. Nurse Beverly Tibbetts stated, “I worked on all the patients who had lobotomies, and Frances Farmer never came to that ward.” Freeman’s private patient records contained no references to Farmer. Dr. Charles Jones, Psychiatric Resident at Western State during Farmer’s stays, also stated that Farmer was never given a lobotomy.”

11) Fannie? She taught people to measure “exactly” and is known as the “Mother of Modern Measurements.” She and my granny would not get along one bit because my granny does not measure anything. Ever. She uses a measuring cup to dip in the flour, but only if she doesn’t have a coffee cup handy. I have followed in her footsteps, I am happy to say.

12) Frances Farmer’s films include: “Come and Get It,” “The Toast of New York” and “South of Pago Pago.”

13) If I had to choose between dinner with Fannie Farmer and Frances Farmer, I think I’d go for Frances. We could get Thai take-out and discuss our medical histories, amongst other things.

Happy Thursday, y’all!