And now for the Friday Advice Column for Neurotic Mothers and Others:
Dear Wacky Mommy,
Please help me with this interesting dilemma. My son who is almost 10 has started to feel very comfortable lounging around in his underwear . . . way too comfortable. Neither my husband or myself has done anything to instigate this behavior. We remain fully clad while we are awake and have NEVER just laid around the house in our undies. Both of us will suggest that he get some additional clothing on ie: pajamas or a shirt, but he tunes us out and conveniently forgets what we suggested. I had a friend while growing up whose dad felt very comfortable in this attire and it really grossed me out. I would like to nip this behavior in the bud, before my young man starts wistfully asking for “beeeer” just like Homer J. Simpson. Please help me!
Dear Homie’s Mom,
The only guy I want to see sitting on my couch in his underwear is Sawyer from “Lost.” Conveniently, were this to happen, my family would be at the beach for a week. Without me.
I had a friend whose dad boycotted pants, too, and it was nasty. I have icky memories of their stinky house, their stinky dog and her dad passed out on the couch in his tighty whities. (Or tidy whities, whatever.)
Tell your young superhero, Underwear Man, that we don’t want him growing up to be Icky Disgusting Man. If he wants to lie around in his skivvies he needs to be in his room, with the door shut. This works well for that pesky masturbation issue, too.
“Uh, masturbation is perfectly OK? But Mommy wishes you wouldn’t do it on the couch, OK? Honey?”
If he refuses then say these magic words: “In. Your. Room. Now. Or there will be consequences…” (no TV, no friends over, no video games, whatever it takes.) Let me know how it goes.
Ta-ta for now,