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Friday Advice Column for Wacky Mothers & Others

May 5th, 2006

A disclaimer: I am not a trained professional, and none of this advice should be considered “professional medical or mental health advice” in any way, shape or form.

Dear Wacky Mommy,

I have this same problem with my husband. I think he suffers from depression, can’t sleep at night, sleeps in as late as he can get away with. It drives me crazy! He is supposed to be a role model for our children. What kind of role model sleeps in until 10 a.m. sometimes while the rest of the family is up? He does take a daily pill for depression, eats well and exercises two to three times per week (only when I make him go). I am at my last straw here and I think the sheet changing, bongo parade or nose plugging will just add to the fighting this already is causing. He thinks it is no big deal and tells me not to worry about him. I know he is stressed because he started a new job, but I think he should be getting his lazy butt out of bed early to work as hard as he can to get better at it. Please give some words of advice.



Dear Desperate,

First, you have my sympathy. Second, is he seeing a therapist? If you can encourage him to do that, along with the working out, it may help. Perhaps try couples’ counseling, too? Does he stay up late drinking coffee? Booze? Is he a pot smoker? Is he self-medicating, on top of the anti-depressants? These can all be causes of insomnia.

This doesn’t sound like an easy problem to deal with, and it’s putting a lot of responsiblity on you, having to be the “grown-up” all the time. Try waiting for a time when you’re not angry with him and talking it over.

Alternately, leave the kids in the room with him, wake him up and tell him you’re leaving. Not permanently — but just to go work out, or to the store, or to buy some new panties. You may need to kind of force the issue.

Alternately, get your groove on and make some plans, just you and the kids, for a Big Day Out. Pack a picnic lunch, leave him a note and split. Be sweet as pie when you come back and say something like, “I thought you’d like having the day off.” I’ve found the trick to a successful marriage is doing it all out of love, not vengeance. (Yeah, after nearly eight years, I’ve hit the mother lode. Love, friends. Love! It works!)

Wacky Dee and I try to alternate letting each other sleep in and it is sweet. Can you go on strike, maybe, and refuse to climb out of the rack yourself? Hope this helps.



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