Wacky Girl, Wacky Boy and I are all grouchy. Thanks for asking! I mean — like ready to smack each other grouchy. I. Hate. The. End. Of. The. School Year. So there.

WB: “No, no, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

WG: “I did not say that was OK! I did NOT!”

Me, to Hockey God: “No, I am not as excited about the Stanley Cup as you are.”

HG: “What is wrong with you guys?”

Wacky Cats: “Meooooooow, hissssssssssssssssssss!”

Wacky Dog: “Bowooooooooooooo…” (bayful mourn)

Thus I have come up with the 20 Top Ways the Wackies are Planning to Have Fun This Summer:

1. Take swimming lessons

2. Go to theater camps

3. Go to the Interstate Farmers Market every Wednesday afternoon (between 3-7 p.m.) and see our friends

4. Go to every outdoor Portland Parks & Rec pool we can find

5. Have a picnic in the bed of Hockey God’s pick-up truck

6. Play with our friends

7. Do way more political shit and yell more loudly than any parent should have to about how FED UP I am with the CRAP that’s going on in this school district. Just because I can. It’s still a free country, last time I checked.

A brief digression: If you were, say, an educator, and your school and two others were given, say, let’s pick a number: $5.2 million. To be spent over a three-year (possibly four-year) period. Would you spend it on teachers, equipment, trainings, extracurricular programs for the kids, in-class workshops, etc., etc., etc., or would you SIT ON IT AND NOT FUCKING SPEND IT AND HAVE THE FEDS THREATEN TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU UNLESS YOU SPENT IT? Jesus H. Christ. Which would you pick?

Which option do you think the schools and district went with? Yeah, that’s right. We’re now at risk of losing the money. Losing. The. Money. Which. We. Need. I could spend 5.2 mil, no problem. Give me 24 hours, bitches. Ready?

(Look for info on Neighborhood Schools Alliance website if you’d like to become involved with the “Political Bullshit” as I like to call it. Or check with your local school about how you can help. Or try here and here and here. Or call your local food bank, check on Craig’s List, talk to your closest church or rec center)

8. Breathe

9. Go to OMSI

10. Go to the Oregon Zoo

11. Go to the Portland Children’s Museum

12. Go for free lunch at Peninsula Park, play in the wading pool, admire the fountain and rose gardens. Little-known fact: “The Peninsula Park pool was once home to a cluster of Humboldt penguins who were waiting for their new digs at the Washington Park Zoo.”

(13. Go out with my husband? Without the kids?)

14. Go camping on the Olympic Peninsula. And in the desert in Central Oregon. And on the coast.

15. Hike

16. Take the dog for more walks

17. Grow our garden

18. Play in the sprinkler

19. Play in the wading pool

20. Eat popsicles